RE: Being Aloof

[Gallaxia]

Touching on the 'Aloof' thread, How do you differentiate 'being aloof' from disinterest? The two seem kind of parallel , or do I have it wrong?

[that girl]

I think aloof is basically the same thing as being disinterested.

 

I think the problem with the other thread is that people are mixing in a bunch of other things.

 

-No, you shouldn't be avaliable 24/7 because you should have a job and a life of your own. That is different than faking other plans because you think you've been too avaliable.

 

-No, you shouldn't start calling someone everyday after your second date. Though I do think it is interesting how many people caution againist burn out in the begining. A lot of times those couples who bond immediately are the ones who end up together for years. I don't think you should hang back from that if it is mutual.

[Justanotherdude]

I think you are right, aloof should generally equate to disinterest.

 

But for me lately aloof has been:

 

"I don't want this girl to think I have no life, stop texting her immediately before she throws up a red flag."

 

Seriously, I felt like I barraged her with texts this past weekend, even though I didn't.

 

I just asked her to hang out twice and she couldn't because of work. Atleast I got "but I have off -this_day- so we should hang -then-"

 

Sorry to thread jack - I do agree with you. If all the effort comes from your end, it's clear they're not that into you.

 

It's one thing to TRULY be busy, but complete aloofness - I dont buy it.

 

It's a general term I think when it comes to dating. Aloof could be simply not letting every detail out. Not just a cut off of communication.

[D-Lish]

They are the same in action but not necessarily in motivation. Some misguided men will act aloof when interested in a person because they want to engage in game playing- pure disinterest is just that- no interest- but no game playing behind it.

[Knittress]

Aloof people may be disinterested, but I think a lot of the time they're just feeling too scared to come out of their shell. Sometimes people get so used to being aloof that they see it as a 'value' and get kinda stuck there - even when they ARE interested. Though someone probably said something like this in the orginal post...

[Justanotherdude]

They are the same in action but not necessarily in motivation. Some misguided men will act aloof when interested in a person because they want to engage in game playing- pure disinterest is just that- no interest- but no game playing behind it.

 

Do you think my actions are misguided? I am really not trying to play games, but I guess it all comes down to worrying about how I am perceived.

 

I have an active life and friends, I just want her in it.

[D-Lish]

Do you think my actions are misguided? I am really not trying to play games, but I guess it all comes down to worrying about how I am perceived.

 

I have an active life and friends, I just want her in it.

 

Does she treat you right? Is she respectful to you? Does she feel the same way? All questions that make the answer different depending on your answers.

[Justanotherdude]

Does she treat you right? Is she respectful to you? Does she feel the same way? All questions that make the answer different depending on your answers.

 

Yes. Yes. and Not sure. Hmm. Time to pump the brakes because I don't get the invite when she goes out.

 

Or maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself because we aren't even dating.

[SteveC80]

aloof means you are not needy and probably have many other options,u show too much attention and she thinks maybe shes the first women who showed interest in you

 

Whatever bs women might say here it basically boils deep down to status still and how women really never leave their high school way of thinking in picking men,its still about popularity and how in demand u are or she at least thinks u are by your actions

[Gallaxia]

They are the same in action but not necessarily in motivation. Some misguided men will act aloof when interested in a person because they want to engage in game playing- pure disinterest is just that- no interest- but no game playing behind it.

 

yeah in my situation he is acting aloof which I suspect may be a bit of game because (or but, whichever ) when he engages with me, I do seem to be a priority. I even had a friend make a jealous snarky comment about it. It got me wondering which is it?

Edited June 29, 2010 by Gallaxia

[Diezel]

How in the world is aloof the same as disinterest?

 

If I'm aloof, I call and answer calls. I make plans to go out, but I'm busy. Aloof means that I'm ready and willing to walk away any given second.

 

If I'm disinterested, I don't call or pick up the phone, I don't make plans to go out. Disinterested means I walked away and stopped giving a crap about being aloof a while ago.

[Morals]

Busy

1 a : engaged in action : occupied b : being in use <found the telephone busy>

2 : full of activity : bustling <a busy seaport>

3 : foolishly or intrusively active : meddling

4 : full of distracting detail <a busy design>

 

 

aloof

: at a distance

 

 

Disinterested

1 a : not having the mind or feelings engaged : not interested <telling them in a disinterested voice — Tom Wicker> <disinterested in women — J. A. Brussel> b : no longer interested <husband and wife become disinterested in each other — T. I. Rubin>

2 : free from selfish motive or interest : unbiased <a disinterested decision> <disinterested intellectual curiosity is the lifeblood of real civilization — G. M. Trevelyan>

 

 

Each one has it's own definition. Each one is used for certain situations. Being busy is just that, being busy. I think the best case for disinterested is free from selfish motive or interest. Being aloof means at a distance. Purposefully. People who are aloof, put themselves there because they to falsify a sense of being busy and disinterested. However true disinterest is not fueled by selfish desire, so being aloof is nothing more then playing a mind game. Period.

[cdubs32]

There's really only two ways I know of to get a woman, and one I've tried most of my life which does not work.

 

1. Be a genuinely good guy. Be friendly, courteous, if you like her, go after her, put yourself out there, if she likes you for who you are then great, try to make her happy, be there for her.

 

2. Be a douchebag. Make fun of her in front of groups of people at the bar, tell other guys not to date her but do it with a silly smirk on your face, act like she's not even there, show up late, don't introduce yourself, do crazy things, but have fun doing all of this and do it with confidence. Basically, as my roommate best put it to me when I had my struggles with women: "DONT GIVE A FCK".

 

As sad as it is to admit it, #2 has been much more successful for me, and I only used #2 unintentionally when I was frustrated from dating as a #1

[bittersweet memories]

Touching on the 'Aloof' thread, How do you differentiate 'being aloof' from disinterest? The two seem kind of parallel , or do I have it wrong?

 

 

Great question...that's what i would like to know. I'm going through some crap right now.

[TheWatcher]

They are the same in action but not necessarily in motivation. Some misguided men will act aloof when interested in a person because they want to engage in game playing- pure disinterest is just that- no interest- but no game playing behind it.

 

It may very well be a game but isn't that what most women desire ? Not games but the guy to come off as disinterested & dispassionate

(to a certain point...of course). I don't think

that guys who act aloof do it because they

want to play games but because they've

heard/been told (by men & women) that

it gets results.

[Gallaxia]

It may very well be a game but isn't that what most women desire ? Not games but the guy to come off as disinterested & dispassionate

(to a certain point...of course). I don't think

that guys who act aloof do it because they

want to play games but because they've

heard/been told (by men & women) that

it gets results.

 

So then it does indicate some interest? Ay yay yay, this is confusing!

[USMCHokie]

There's really only two ways I know of to get a woman, and one I've tried most of my life which does not work.

 

1. Be a genuinely good guy. Be friendly, courteous, if you like her, go after her, put yourself out there, if she likes you for who you are then great, try to make her happy, be there for her.

 

2. Be a douchebag. Make fun of her in front of groups of people at the bar, tell other guys not to date her but do it with a silly smirk on your face, act like she's not even there, show up late, don't introduce yourself, do crazy things, but have fun doing all of this and do it with confidence. Basically, as my roommate best put it to me when I had my struggles with women: "DONT GIVE A FCK".

 

As sad as it is to admit it, #2 has been much more successful for me, and I only used #2 unintentionally when I was frustrated from dating as a #1

 

 

Women who are truly attracted to this are simply the female douchebag equivalent. Hardly someone I would want to date.

[Gallaxia]

There's really only two ways I know of to get a woman, and one I've tried most of my life which does not work.

 

1. Be a genuinely good guy. Be friendly, courteous, if you like her, go after her, put yourself out there, if she likes you for who you are then great, try to make her happy, be there for her.

 

2. Be a douchebag. Make fun of her in front of groups of people at the bar, tell other guys not to date her but do it with a silly smirk on your face, act like she's not even there, show up late, don't introduce yourself, do crazy things, but have fun doing all of this and do it with confidence. Basically, as my roommate best put it to me when I had my struggles with women: "DONT GIVE A FCK".

 

As sad as it is to admit it, #2 has been much more successful for me, and I only used #2 unintentionally when I was frustrated from dating as a #1

 

#2 is a wrong approach. I think you can still be aloof but not entirely disrespecful!

[stillafool]

Well I'm a woman and when I was dating men always considered me very aloof. Men will chase an aloof woman to no end. I was not trying to be aloof but because I had been hurt I really didn't give a f--- one way or the other. However, when I met my husband, the right guy, I conciously made an effort to be open and a bit more needy. He loved feeling needed and wanted. It was really hard to change and lately my husband says I'm

slipping back into the old "aloof" mode and he doesn't like it.

[USMCHokie]

Well I'm a woman and when I was dating men always considered me very aloof. Men will chase an aloof woman to no end. I was not trying to be aloof but because I had been hurt I really didn't give a f--- one way or the other. However, when I met my husband, the right guy, I conciously made an effort to be open and a bit more needy. He loved feeling needed and wanted. It was really hard to change and lately my husband says I'm

slipping back into the old "aloof" mode and he doesn't like it.

 

 

Hmmm, I find this observation of yours interesting, but I have to agree with your husband...I am turned off by women who are aloof...I really don't want to waste my time and energy with a woman who's into playing games or a woman who I constantly have to wonder if she's actually interested...

[cdubs32]

Hmmm, I find this observation of yours interesting, but I have to agree with your husband...I am turned off by women who are aloof...I really don't want to waste my time and energy with a woman who's into playing games or a woman who I constantly have to wonder if she's actually interested...

 

As a guy who knows the difference between just making a small pursuing effort and "chasing" a girl, I don't chase, never pays off. If you have to chase, you're becoming #1 and will get nothing.

 

#2 is a wrong approach. I think you can still be aloof but not entirely disrespecful!

 

Please explain how.

 

Women who are truly attracted to this are simply the female douchebag equivalent. Hardly someone I would want to date.

 

You say that, but as a woman you can't help but be attracted to that. It's not the disrespect you're attracted to, it's the fact that he's shown he could care less if you like him or not, and I don't know a better way to show that to a woman than throw some disrespect her way.

[USMCHokie]

You say that, but as a woman you can't help but be attracted to that. It's not the disrespect you're attracted to, it's the fact that he's shown he could care less if you like him or not, and I don't know a better way to show that to a woman than throw some disrespect her way.

 

 

By having a life outside of her. That way you don't have to fake it.

 

Are you a woman...? Quite a strong blanket generalization you're making there...and one that seems to be somewhat inaccurate given some of my own experiences...perhaps you've only known the female douchebag types...or you are only attracted to the female douchebag types who require you to act in this way...?

[Gallaxia]

As a guy who knows the difference between just making a small pursuing effort and "chasing" a girl, I don't chase, never pays off. If you have to chase, you're becoming #1 and will get nothing.

Be a douchebag. Make fun of her in front of groups of people at the bar, tell other guys not to date her but do it with a silly smirk on your face, act like she's not even there, show up late, don't introduce yourself, do crazy things, but have fun doing all of this and do it with confidence. Basically, as my roommate best put it to me when I had my struggles with women: "DONT GIVE A FCK".

 

( #2 is a wrong approach. I think you can still be aloof but not entirely disrespecful!)

 

 

 

Please explain how.

 

 

Any self respecting woman would not put up with that type of behavior. What you've described is basically belittling or cutting someone down to size........Not exactly quality...

Edited June 29, 2010 by Gallaxia

[cdubs32]

Any self respecting woman would not put up with that type of behavior. What you've described is basically belittling or cutting someone down to size........Not exactly quality...

 

I personally get no enjoyment out of belittling women, but I have a particular reproductive organ that sees it as a means to an end, and it's better attracting women by a negative approach than having no women attracted at all.

 

These "higher caliber self respecting women" don't see the value in decent men either. They've just raised their requirements and standards so high that they've deemed every man who doesn't fit as a "douchebag" or "insignificant and not attractive".

Edited June 29, 2010 by cdubs32

[alphamale]

Touching on the 'Aloof' thread, How do you differentiate 'being aloof' from disinterest?

i'll give you an example gallaxia:

 

being ALOOF means walking a fine line between showing interest and being indifferent. for example, you meet a girl, ask her out, show her a nice time, be a gentleman but bad boy also. then you go tell her you won't be able to see her again for two weeks (make up some reason). during that two week period you go out with a couple more chicks. as far as contact goes you keep it up just enough so that she doesn't think you're blowing her off