that girl Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Reading all the dating advice for men here, a lot of which I think is horrible and/or woman hating made me think of something. Every once in a while, I run across a woman (and I am a woman who dates men, so I mean as friends) who will make a point that she needs a guy who will stand up to her. It is never something I would say myself. Obviously, people should stand up for themselves if something is bothering them, but that is a life thing, not a dating thing. Anyway, I've noticed two reasons women say this. 1) Their last boyfriend was insanely passive/passive aggressive. He would never plan anything and he wasn't upfront about when he was upset. 2) She's a little crazy. She'll start fights just to see how far she can go. Agree/disagree? Sometimes it seems like all the dating advice for men is for the crazy type woman, even though we're not all crazy.
kdark Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 That's just her way of saying she wants an assertive, confident man. Something pretty much every girl wants.
mixwell Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 My reply is coming from a VERY passive guy in general.. Not that I'm afraid to but as my mom says "Don't sweat the small $hit" which I don't. I am very laid back and easy going but I will get in a debate when I feel like a female is full of crap.. Your scenarios are correct in that your post 1. I will decline a debate on something that is unimportant and no big deal.. I will let a female win... I agree that a woman may start a fight just to see if a guy has a backbone and again if it is a stupid topic or BS I will usually just say " yea yea you're probly right" I pick my fights on an opinion I will defend to the end but that is far and in between. I call women on their BS but for the most part on a stupid argument I will submit in order to just drop the stupid argument because after all my (personal) personality is laid back and don't worry about stuff that isn't important in the end game. I don't get worked up very easily but if you get me into a topic or conversation I feel strong about I will give you a legit debate until I either admit (honestly) that I am wrong or defend my opinion and deal with the outcome later on.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 And it's drama fueled bitches like that which pisses me off to no end!! I keep telling people women out here be doing it for the drama but they dont believe me. Glad to finally see, someone else believes it too.
D-Lish Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Of course I want a man that is going to stand up for himself! A man should want the same thing in a woman! If you stand up for yourself, you respect yourself- that's what it comes down to. Anyone that doesn't get that has issues.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Yeah we all want an assertive guy, but when your a woman who constantly pushes and belittles a man only to get a rise out of him because that's how you get OFF, then what is that? Nothing more than a female bully, or a woman addicted to drama. I mean what they dont exist? lol. ive seen my fair share. women that just will do anything to stir up trouble. acting out and causing ****.
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 A person should stand up for themselves. Saying "I want a man to stand up to me" sounds game-ish. A very wise person once taught me to look at things from all angles, try to find the bigger picture and to be compassionate (within reason) to where others arecoming from. This leaves little room for those interested in a fight or combattive gamey people. I hear a gal say "i need a guy who can handle me/stand up to me" and I call BS.
D-Lish Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Yeah we all want an assertive guy, but when your a woman who constantly pushes and belittles a man only to get a rise out of him because that's how you get OFF, then what is that? Nothing more than a female bully, or a woman addicted to drama. I mean what they dont exist? lol. ive seen my fair share. women that just will do anything to stir up trouble. acting out and causing ****. That's what standing up for yourself is about, and it's noble. The OP is arguing something different. People should never put up with drama or BS- and all self respecting people will choose a partner that keeps them balanced. I'm agreeing with you CB. If a guy is never going to tell me I'm being an ass, how can we have a balanced relationship. I want a guy that's going to say "D- you're being out of line and I'm not going to put up with it".
SteveC80 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Women love to be submissive and dominated it makes the feel feminine and helpless which they like They want the man to run things make the decisions etc beause they dont feel thats their strength If they feel their man is laid back or passive they take that as weakness and its not attractive to them..they want a man to take the reigns and dominate the relationship and them otherwise they cant feel passion for him
D-Lish Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 A person should stand up for themselves. Saying "I want a man to stand up to me" sounds game-ish. A very wise person once taught me to look at things from all angles, try to find the bigger picture and to be compassionate (within reason) to where others arecoming from. This leaves little room for those interested in a fight or combattive gamey people. I hear a gal say "i need a guy who can handle me/stand up to me" and I call BS. Why would you call BS? People aren't born perfect, we all need a good match to keep us centered. It's silly to think you are going to enter a relationship and exhibit perfect behaviour. A healthy relationship involves listening to how your behavior affects your partner. If the partner doesn't have the balls to say how your behaviour affects them, how can a relationship progess???
AD1980 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Im a laid back passive person who doesnt get bothered by much nor like to argue unless its necessary If a women would leave me because im not arguing with her enough or "putting her in her place" frankly im better off without the whackjob and would have dodged a bullet
mixwell Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 This thread appears to be a guy who is getting belittled by a chick or nagged at by a female for whatever reason not standing up for HIMSELF.. I think some of you may have misread the topic as in standing up for yourself or you s/o... I stand firm in that I choose battles wisely and will debate my chick if I feel she is really wrong.. I think what the poster was getting at is guys who will submit to say a hot chick in order to not stir up the pot or avoid conflict in fear of losing that chick which I think it BS.. In terms of sticking up for myself, I do that all the time AND if I had a chick that had a valid point or was being bashed i would stick up for her, if not focus the attacks on me to get her out of it and defend her but that isn't what we're talking about here.. We're talking about a legit argument where a guy will submit even if he is right or a female starting an arguement just to prove that her guy has no backbone and will submit to avoid an arguement.. Again, I will usually submit to end a disagreement but if it a strong subject that I feel I have a good arguement about then I will not submit and I will defend my opinions.
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Why would you call BS? People aren't born perfect, we all need a good match to keep us centered. It's silly to think you are going to enter a relationship and exhibit perfect behaviour. A healthy relationship involves listening to how your behavior affects your partner. If the partner doesn't have the balls to say how your behaviour affects them, how can a relationship progess??? I hear what you're saying but ultimately believe we are responsible for ourselves. I just don't think we should expect our SO to keep us in check. I'd think we should be able to do that on our own. And you are right, no one is perfect but I just couldn't throw or project that onto someone else.
Diezel Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Reading all the dating advice for men here, a lot of which I think is horrible and/or woman hating made me think of something. Don't worry, I've seen a lot of your advice, and most of it's cringe-worthy. Every once in a while, I run across a woman (and I am a woman who dates men, so I mean as friends) who will make a point that she needs a guy who will stand up to her. It is never something I would say myself. Obviously, people should stand up for themselves if something is bothering them, but that is a life thing, not a dating thing. Anyway, I've noticed two reasons women say this. 1) Their last boyfriend was insanely passive/passive aggressive. He would never plan anything and he wasn't upfront about when he was upset. 2) She's a little crazy. She'll start fights just to see how far she can go. Agree/disagree? Agreed. Sometimes it seems like all the dating advice for men is for the crazy type woman, even though we're not all crazy. Well DUH, why would men post in here about NON-crazy women? Those aren't the ones giving men issues, hence, you don't normally see posts about men with issues regarding non-drama-filled women. OBVIOUSLY, not all women are crazy, but this forum is MOSTLY going to shed light on the "crazies".
Green Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I enjoy it when a woman submits. As far as "a guy who will stand up to me" goes... I pick my battles. If my gf wants to go to a particular resteraunt and its no big deal I'll just agree. But if she takes some disrespectful town or anoys me I'll let her know in a direct way I'm not taking her crap.
cdubs32 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 These "passive" men out there that are submissive are like that because society and culture is teaching them to be that way. They're acting like that because some of them are good hearted guys who just want to make a woman happy, and things like the women right's movement male-ego haters, sex and the city, oprah, all these things tell a man that you should do all these things to try and please a woman because there's so many jerks out there, that's not what YOU want to be, they tell a man when he's young that he needs to be the nice guy, that's what will get the woman.....but it's not. I had a girl in college who used to start up random fights with me. I thought they were stupid, but I loved her at the time, and I didn't want to lose her, let alone fight with her, so I'd just admit the guilt and apologize. I look back and I even remember her saying these exact words "GOD WHY DO YOU ALWAYS APOLOGIZE!" as if I was supposed to fight with her instead of make peace with her. After about another year of her walking all over me, I felt a way that I never wanted to feel again, so I ended with her....boy was she blown away. She thought she had me in the bag, we were gonna get married, yada yada....good thing I got a good look into what it would've been like married to that crazy btch. One of the best decisions I ever made getting out of that.
mem11363 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 If you let someone slide frequently on small but irrational stuff it erodes their perception of you. Far better to say "I disagree though it isn't that important to me". And then let her decide if she wants a discussion/conflict. Sometimes a woman WANTS conflict. Deprive her at your peril.... That doesn't mean you have to engage in a long drawn out debate - you can explain your position quickly and concisely and then let her talk as much as she wants. If she makes a good argument say so. But if her tactics are more based on bullying you than logic, there is no law saying you have to respond. I have found the best response to a really unreasonable argument is a smile and silence. My reply is coming from a VERY passive guy in general.. Not that I'm afraid to but as my mom says "Don't sweat the small $hit" which I don't. I am very laid back and easy going but I will get in a debate when I feel like a female is full of crap.. Your scenarios are correct in that your post 1. I will decline a debate on something that is unimportant and no big deal.. I will let a female win... I agree that a woman may start a fight just to see if a guy has a backbone and again if it is a stupid topic or BS I will usually just say " yea yea you're probly right" I pick my fights on an opinion I will defend to the end but that is far and in between. I call women on their BS but for the most part on a stupid argument I will submit in order to just drop the stupid argument because after all my (personal) personality is laid back and don't worry about stuff that isn't important in the end game. I don't get worked up very easily but if you get me into a topic or conversation I feel strong about I will give you a legit debate until I either admit (honestly) that I am wrong or defend my opinion and deal with the outcome later on.
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 aloof and a prick, dunno why it works but it works Aloof? Yes. Prick? No. The two are not mutually exclusive, unless one has some **** about oneself- ego, pride, vanity etc.
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 If you let someone slide frequently on small but irrational stuff it erodes their perception of you. Far better to say "I disagree though it isn't that important to me". And then let her decide if she wants a discussion/conflict. Sometimes a woman WANTS conflict. Deprive her at your peril.... That doesn't mean you have to engage in a long drawn out debate - you can explain your position quickly and concisely and then let her talk as much as she wants. If she makes a good argument say so. But if her tactics are more based on bullying you than logic, there is no law saying you have to respond. I have found the best response to a really unreasonable argument is a smile and silence. I can guarantee that would antagonize the situation & provoke an argument. If anything, it'd be to just to simply drop it. A smile/smirk/shrug/whatever is engaging and would just antagonize.
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