isthereapoint Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Like a lot of other people on here this is my first time on here. I have been looking around and can see you people other there are all brilliant people and can get over anything with time. Me on the other hand can not see this at all. Me and he other half has split after 8 years. (5 dating, 3 years living with her) About a few weeks ago a old school friend was added her on facebook and she started to talk a lot. There are texting each other and e-mailing all of the time. Now we both knew each other passwords for facebook and e-mail. One day all of the passwords were changed. I did ask her about it but she just passed it off. a few days later she said went to go and see him about 70 mile away. She said she would be home by 6pm. at midnight she turned up. I asked where she has been and she said she was late. She was also very cold in bed. would not let me hug her or anything. The next morning she said it is all over as she stopped loving me about a year ago. Now we have a house with each other and animals. Now when we were dating we lived about 60 miles apart. I moved everything up here. I jot a new job and I really dropped everything to be with her. She can do what she wants and i am not going to stop her but she said she will not do anything until i have left and moved out. I have now found out that she has been doing things with him and just come back form spending the week with him. Also on facebook her other ma has gone from being single to in a relationship. That it is in a but shell and i found this out last night. I just don't know what to do. I am living on the house and she is with her mum and dad about 5 mins away. I am finding this really hard as everything i see in the house is ours. We have dont the house up and it is fantastic now but i can see her where ever i look. First thing in the morning and last think at night i am crying as all i can see her. She does not love me any more and I do love her and i dont thing that will ever go away. i am taking this day by day but this is so hard. when I am at work all i can thing about her. I just dont know what to do.?? i just feel so bad and i want her back.
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It has only been a week and 8 years takes more then that to get over, so give yourself a break. The bad news is you are going to feel like crap for some time, the good news is it does get better. Everything your feeling is natural, a good deal of it is a chemical reaction that our body produces when something tragic happens to us. It keeps us anxious and emotional. Your no different than anyone else her. So allow your self to cry and get it out. It is important part of the grieving process and letting go. There things you can do that will help. Start with a journal, pen and paper, write down all of you thoughts, write hard and fast and keep writing until you can not write any more, then write some more. Do it ever night before you sleep, it will make sleep easier in time. Remember this is about her weaknesses it is not about your worth. Also, you will not feel like it but it is important to force yourself to eat. Eat good healthy food on a regular basis, and try to get some exercise everyday, even if it is just walking. If you make you body tired your mind will follow. Finally find someone to talk to. Find a bunch of people to do so. Talk their ears off , the people who care about you will listen. It may be a good idea to find a professional to work with, they can help give some addtional perspective. Be kind to yourself, what your going through is very hard and hurts a great deal but you will get through. You will amaze yourself and see you deserve better then her. Keep posting. It takes time and some work but it does get easier. good luck.
Author isthereapoint Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 We do own a house. She is going to buy me out of the house. She said "at least you will get some money out of this" I dont care about the money i just want the pain to go away. All of my friends have been really good but I do feel a bit bad about talking to them all of the time. They do listen to me when ever I need them to. Tomorrow morning I have a Job interview for a job near my mum and dad. They have been brilliant, they said you can stay her for as long as you need to. I will start writing a log about what I am thing, it will get a lot off my mind. In a way I want to move away but I want to stay around the area. I am worried about coming back down to mums and dads. I have never had a lot of friends but a few of them are brilliant and i dont want to lose touch with them. I do cry and that does help as well but the part that really upset me is that her and this "new" man are now in a relationship. I dont care what she dooes or who she go out with, I know there relationship is on the next level. (i hope you know what I mean by that) to me it has only been a few weeks and she has moved on all ready. For her she has not loved me for about a year now. Looking back at it I can see it now but then i did not know at all. We did have our problems like other people did, out live in the bedroom we not the best in the world, but we were getting over that. Sorry for the long post and the fact it jumps around a lot, this is the way it all comes out of my head. Is it normal not to get much sleep as well. Over the last few weeks i only get a few hours a night and nap during the day if i have the day off from work? Thanks again GrayClouds and YYY2010.
GrayClouds Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 If your looking to kill some time pick up the book Journey from Abandonment to Healing, by Susan Anderson. It will help. It is hard but get easier, understand you deserve better then what she gave you. You feeling for her your holding is about the person she was not the person she is, so try not to spend to much time missing her, she a ghost. Hang in there and make sure you are caring for yourself.
Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Wow, I am soooo sorry for what you're going through. I know it must be really hard for you. All I can say is much like GrayClouds, unfortunately the only thing that will heal you at this point is time. Get out of that house as soon as possible, it only brings you bad memories. She sounds like a very selfish person and I hate it that people KNOW things are going bad (she said she hadn't been feeling like she loved you for a year) and they don't COMMUNICATE this information. My advice, don't call her. Delete her facebook, myspace, etc. Its only causing you unneccessary pain. DO NOT contact her. Honestly, at this point f*** her! She is heartless and cold if she's already basically flaunting her new fling in your face. Shame on her! But you know what? What comes around goes around. Talk to your friends! Cry! Let it all out man, trust me you will feel at least a LITTLE better. And don't feel bad about talking to friends, that's what they're for after all right?? And come to this site. Read other people's posts and try and respond. You will realize that the advice you give to others will actually help you understand your own situation. Every time I read a post, I kinda think "Well, man, I should apply my OWN advice to MY situation instead of being a hypocrit!". Again, I am really sorry for your situation, but stay positive. Remember how good of a person you are. Think of all the great attributes you have and remember that there is someone out there who will NEVER take you for granted and will even love you despite any little imperfections you may have. Nobody is perfect, especially not this cold-hearted b*tch. To me, it sounds like you are WAY better off in the long run bud! Stay strong! NO CONTACT!!!
Author isthereapoint Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Thanks people for helping people. You lot really are fantastic. I have a blog now to write down all of my feeling every night. I have also ordered the book as GrayClouds had said to do. This morning I am feeling a bit better, this is only because I have spend the night with my mum and dad as i have a interview for a job. Drummergirl_23 I am doing the NC rule now. We do still have to talk as we are sorting out the house and all of the stuff in there. So in a way it is NC. When I leave that area I will be doing the NC rule to the max. I will as all ways keep you updated. Thank again and talk soon!
GrayClouds Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Thanks people for helping people. You lot really are fantastic. I have a blog now to write down all of my feeling every night. I have also ordered the book as GrayClouds had said to do. This morning I am feeling a bit better, this is only because I have spend the night with my mum and dad as i have a interview for a job. Drummergirl_23 I am doing the NC rule now. We do still have to talk as we are sorting out the house and all of the stuff in there. So in a way it is NC. When I leave that area I will be doing the NC rule to the max. I will as all ways keep you updated. Thank again and talk soon! Being with the people who we know cares for us is always a smart thing. special when we are feel poor and doubting ourselves, they remind us of our good qualities. LEt me know what you think of the book. The exercises in it may feel a bit silly but practice them anyway they can be very helpful. Keep up the good work.
Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Well, since you have the house, limit your conversations to business ONLY. Be very short and to the point with her and that's it. Don't bring up relationship issues and don't let her bait you into talking about other stuff (i.e. "So, how are things going with you? Are you doing ok?"). F that! She doesn't get to know how you're doing. They WANT you to tell them that you're doing miserable, you miss and need them, blah blah blah. Then when you spill your guts their ego is boosted and they proceed with kicking you to the curb. Don't fall in the trap.
GrayClouds Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Well, since you have the house, limit your conversations to business ONLY. Be very short and to the point with her and that's it. Don't bring up relationship issues and don't let her bait you into talking about other stuff (i.e. "So, how are things going with you? Are you doing ok?"). F that! She doesn't get to know how you're doing. They WANT you to tell them that you're doing miserable, you miss and need them, blah blah blah. Then when you spill your guts their ego is boosted and they proceed with kicking you to the curb. Don't fall in the trap. Keep banging that drum girl...Good Post^
Author isthereapoint Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 Well, since you have the house, limit your conversations to business ONLY. Be very short and to the point with her and that's it. Don't bring up relationship issues and don't let her bait you into talking about other stuff (i.e. "So, how are things going with you? Are you doing ok?"). F that! She doesn't get to know how you're doing. They WANT you to tell them that you're doing miserable, you miss and need them, blah blah blah. Then when you spill your guts their ego is boosted and they proceed with kicking you to the curb. Don't fall in the trap. She did ask me yesterday how the interview went yesterday but I just said fine. I am not going to tell her that it did not go very well. I only time I am going to contract her is about the house and the bills and the animals as well. If she can get the cats in when I am working late. Apart from that I am not going to say a work to her. I know cjristmas is a long was a way and her birthday is a longer time away, I take it I just ignore this and not send anything? I have started a blog about my feelings as GrayClouds has said and that is helping. I write about anything and everything that is in my mind. Thanks for the continued help and support!
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