shadowplay Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Is it possible to change to a more positive outlook on human nature? Since a hard breakup, I've been trying to improve myself through a well-regarded approach called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. My therapist isn't trained in the method, so I'm doing the workbook on my own. One element of this approach is to cultivate a positive attitude on people. For the life of me I can't figure out how to do this. I'm not at all jaded when it comes to appreciating the world around me: nature, beauty, art, music. I'm frequently awestruck and excited by these aspects of the world. But when it comes to people, I'm much more cynical. It's not that I don't think there are good people out there or that people are either all good or all bad. It's just that I think the bad in humanity probably outweighs the good. I would say I'm perceptive, as my impressions about people usually prove accurate (with the exception of those I'm emotionally invested in). I believe that the majority of people are essentially selfish, including many of those who seem "nice" on the surface, and that most are capable of evil under the right circumstances. Everything in history seems to point to this conclusion. Part of the problem is I've always been fascinated by human nature, but more often than not whenever I start digging into the psychology of others I cringe at what I find. I really, really want to change my attitude on humanity because I know it makes me unhappy, but how? I won't consider becoming religious in order to do so. Any thoughts?
Tayla Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Have you tried reflective therapy? Thats what most folks do when they are complimenting others. You can only compliment that which you recognize in yourself. Or criticize others based on your own weakness. (Transference of thoughts/self image) I've found that the higher a persons self esteem the more likely they are to share the postives and strengths. We are each self perserving and thank heavens for that! No one else is accountable in the end for your actions or thoughts but you ..so on that level, might as well make the best of things. Its impressive that you have the outlook you do, its well worth sticking to when times warrant. Will say this, for as much as history has shown some horrid events, history also has shown such times of true human bonding...ask those who survive crashes, or endure wartime and still find faith in mankind....So when you journal, mention those historical moments for they do exist...
Joe Normal Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Well, at the very least you have to admit that some people sometimes do good things, or at least admirable things (not necessarily the same). Also, selfishness is underrated - doctors work for a salary, not for free. The baker feeds you to earn a living, not out of the kindness of his heart. Two people exchanging mutually beneficial services is based around selfishness, but makes both happy without harming either, and has the merit of being honest and straightforward. Ambitious people often do amazing things that we benefit from - our benefit is not diminished because they did these things out of vanity, greed, ego or pandering for social or political status. I agree with you that human nature has a lot of bad elements. But a lot of these are survival traits, they are the reason we as a species are alive, and survived for tens of thousands of years (and much longer in earlier ancestral forms) when most others perished. So even some "evil" has a purpose. Anger and aggression can seem bad, but they are also what will motivate someone to fight to the death to protect the weak and vulnerable. So overall I think there are enough good traits in human nature to admire, the neutral/selfish ones cause a lot of good, and even the evil ones often have some purpose. Regardless, all we can do is learn how to handle it, since human nature ain't changing any time soon.
Morals Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Joe you mention a few examples of how "the baker sells to you to make money" and such. Ever get the feeling that most of our relationships are nothing more then someone creating a connection to use you at a later time? Sure you can tell the people who try to use you off the bat. But ever get the feeling some people become "friends" with you just to require your services/advice at a later time? I recently had a friend, probably better classified as a work acquaintance. Whom had my number, never once has he asked if I wanted to go fishing (not that I like fishing, but an offer would have been nice), or get a beer, or just hang out. Yet the other day, I got a call from out of the blue asking for advice on how to get his webpage to get more domain hits. I work for a software company, I know a fair amount about computers, but networking is my weak point. Yet he assumes that because I know *something* about computers, I can help him with all of his computer related problems. (And while I'm sure other people in the IT field can relate, that is not the point of the discussion). He ONLY called me up to get advice. Will I keep him as a "friend"? Sure. But I shall now only call him up when I need something in return. Not as a friend, but as an acquaintance to be "used". I feel bad for classifying him as that, but to be honest, I want true friends. Not these "users". Anyone that uses me, well, I use them back. It's dirty, but in the end it's the only way I can go on without completely becoming a shut-in. Just my 2 cents.
Ronni_W Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 (edited) more often than not whenever I start digging into the psychology of others I cringe at what I find. SP, I know what you mean. What helped me was the notion that humans are just doing their damndest to feel good about themselves / to not feel bad about themselves...but just do not have the wisdom, knowledge or skills to consistently pull that off effectively. We are also striving to find our unique meaning and purpose. Kind of. When you see a murdering, lying, alcoholic thief, if you can get to saying to yourself, "Oh, that poor, deluded person who really believes that THAT is the way to feel good about herself/himself and find her/his own purpose and meaning on this planet!" And feel a bit of empathy or compassion for the level of their delusion (if not for their 'human form' and actual behaviour.) We're all doing, or trying to do, the same thing -- just with very different "skill sets". For me, it helps to bring in a spiritual (NOT religious) element, but I'm not sure that it's necessary. Wishing you best luck, and many successful outcomes with DBT. Edited July 4, 2010 by Ronni_W
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