steveshopeful Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Ok, so I have been thinking about this since I have read most of these forums. For all of us who have recently been dumped and are feeling crappy and are clearly not on top of our A game. We are not ready for a relationship because we have not healed nor have many of us dealt with issues we need to deal with before we can be valuable dating material. So, what do we do when we get horny, we date.....which many times leads to a relationship....which puts us exactly where we were before. So, why don't we put together a friends with benefits list and we can see if there is someone in our area in need. This allows us to alleviate that moment without having it turn into something more that what it is......... Thoughts??????
spriggig Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 It's called Adult Friendfinder or Craigslist and it's really gross. I mean, ewww!
hurt and devastated Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Problem is, a lot of people are emotionally unstable and will try to latch on to their supposed "fling". I saw this firsthand with an ex-coworker going through a separation and later divorce. What started out as a FWB ended up with him getting a restraining order taken out against him. That's an extreme, but I think it would end up doing more damage than good.
deux ex machina Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) I think it's important to keep in mind that priority number one is to heal up and find that strength that can truly only come from within. Personally, I think it would be a distraction I don't need -- not to mention I can't emotionally compartmentalize like that. Don't really want to, either. I really don't want anything romantic for a while. Yet I don't have anything against light, non-serious flirting -- that kind of energy is great fun. It keeps a person from feeling cold and hard inside. There are some charming, interesting people that can take it for what is - a fun and silly way to express mutual admiration. Nothing more than that. As long as it's kept to light flirting, and no one expects anything more out of it, of course. It can be mutually beneficial, in that you are making another person feel pretty great. Beyond that though? I think it wise to reserve those emotional energies to healing up properly and well. There really is no need to hurry. Edited June 29, 2010 by deux ex machina
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 So, what do we do when we get horny, we date.....which many times leads to a relationship....which puts us exactly where we were before. I masturbate. Coz I always make myself happy! Who needs a SO to keep you warm at night? Hot water bottles can't break your heart
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Thoughts?????? And then we can try to teach each other how to catch bullets with our teeth. It would be a great deal of fun and much less painful in the end. .
Author steveshopeful Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Problem is, a lot of people are emotionally unstable and will try to latch on to their supposed "fling". I saw this firsthand with an ex-coworker going through a separation and later divorce. What started out as a FWB ended up with him getting a restraining order taken out against him. That's an extreme, but I think it would end up doing more damage than good. I agree with this thought process. It would be easy to get caught up in how good the physical relationship is. To try and distinguish between that and real feeling for another person would be difficult while trying to pick yourself up off the floor.
deux ex machina Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I masturbate. Coz I always make myself happy! Who needs a SO to keep you warm at night? Hot water bottles can't break your heart --------- I agree with this thought process. It would be easy to get caught up in how good the physical relationship is. To try and distinguish between that and real feeling for another person would be difficult while trying to pick yourself up off the floor. I'm glad you thought better of it.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 FWB is really disrespectful, especially if I do it with friends I know. If you're really looking for NSA just try Craigslist. They have a lot of loonies on there willing.
Author steveshopeful Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 FWB is really disrespectful, especially if I do it with friends I know. If you're really looking for NSA just try Craigslist. They have a lot of loonies on there willing. I am not a big believer in friends with benefits for two reasons. First, it is difficult for me to suspend any feelings while having sex. Second, I never think it is a good idea to have a friend that you have benefits with if you plan on having that person as a friend. Let's say you meet your new girl/boyfriend and you introduce your friend (wb). You might decide to tell your new girl/boyfriend about the past FWB, or you might decide to leave things unsaid. Either way it has to be damn uncomfortable for everyone involved. I just don't think Humans are strong enough emotionally to handle something like that. I don't know, that is my two-cents. I just wanted to start a discussion about this and I am glad to see there are some similar opinions to mine. The ex told me she had friends with benefits in the past and I just could not seem to get that concept thru my head........
Username37 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I personally hate FWB relationships. The thought of using someone is just messed up to me. And there are rules to follow and crap. Geez, just be in a relationship to do that stuff. It's more special when love is involved IMO.
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