guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 so there's this guy i really want but as things are we just can't be right now but i don't want him to forget me... he's distancing himself because he thinks its easier that way and being friends seems too hard for him. i don't know why he's making it so complicated when it really doesn't have to be, i've left it alone but i really don't want him to just forget me so to speak, so what can i do to let him know that i'll still be here when he does come around? or that i can be a friend?
Serenitynow Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) what can i do to let him know that i'll still be here when he does come around? or that i can be a friend? Ever think of telling him ? You both speak the same language right ? . Edited June 29, 2010 by Serenitynow
somedude81 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Wow aren't you selfish? So he can't have you now, both of you know that. You see that he's trying to distance himself because he can't have you. And you want to keep him around. For what reason?
Author guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 ive tried and i asked him why it's so hard for him to be around me and he said that the attraction, the fact that he had feelings for me years ago just makes things complicated. i dont wanna push him away and be in his face about it so i was thinking being subtle might work. but i dont know, im just lost
Author guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Wow aren't you selfish? me selfish? So he can't have you now, both of you know that. You see that he's trying to distance himself because he can't have you. And you want to keep him around. For what reason? wow this is going to sound so wrong but.... it took me awhile to realise what a great guy he actually is and i feel like i missed out. he wanted me years ago and his words "i shot him down", we lost touch and he held back from contacting me because he thought i hated him, but i never did. ever. i didnt know how he felt so i couldn't avoid the fall out from happening. i guess i just want a chance, i just want him in my life. you know try and pick up where we left off? is that just not possible with men?
Serenitynow Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 So you basically blew him off in the past, because you werent mature enough to see he was a good guy, and now that you want him, hes supposed to just come running back to you ? Why should he give you the time of day ? Do you think he should really take a chance at you dissing him a 2nd time ?
Author guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 when you put it that way..... ok it was my mistake, huge mistake. karma is a bitch. but we were both pretty young back then and given the age difference i didn't take him seriously, he was 16 and i was 19... and now 21 and 24 respectively.... its been years, he was so young back then. we were friends for awhile until we drifted when i got into a relationship with someone else. we got in touch again after not having spoken for 3-4years, its been awhile.... now years later admitttedly i want him back. i just want a shot at being friends again and seeing where that goes. and he wanted the same thing when we got in touch again, things were going really well but he just went all weird. i dont intend on hurting him....he said that he thinks he can't feel that way for me again and that he just sees me as a friend. but being friends seems to be so hard, he can easily be friends with other women, why cant it be that way with me. im not asking for anything more, just to pick up where we left off and get to know each other again. when we got in touch he wasnt seeing anyone but about a 3months later we had an argument and he said he was seeing someone and that we couldn't talk, so i left him alone and didnt make contact. he was the one who got in touch a month later to tell me he wasn't seeing her anymore and that he had me on his mind. and as much as it hurt, when he asked for advice about his ex, i showed him i can be a friend and listened and gave the best advice i could. our so called 'frienship' was going well until one day he said he was sorry for being a dick but he wanted to leave things alone. im just confused, we're good one moment and we can't be friends the next. i don't know, isn't it natural to wanna know how he really feels or at least talk it over properly?
somedude81 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) To a man, "we can still be friends" is a horrible reply for letting a girl know that he likes her. The mans goal was never to be her friend. So you shot him down years ago. And now you want to give him another, "we can still be friends?" That's not what he wants to hear from you. He distanced himself from you because, he does not want to be just your friend. Unless you want to sleep with him, do him a favor and let him forget you. Edit: I was typing this reply before you posted your newest one so it probably won't be relevant. Edited June 29, 2010 by somedude81
Author guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 well when we got in touch again, he automatically assumed that i wanted a relationship when i never alluded to it (i do want it but i didnt want to be obvious about it, wanted to suss it out and see where he stood before i said anything). he'd go a week without talking to me and apologise and say that he was trying to sort himself out and when he finally 'knew' what he wanted he said that he "sees me as a friend and he didnt wanna screw it up but if we can be 2 friends that have fun together would i still want to get together....." i agreed to 'just be friends' after he said that he doesnt see me as anything more. but when we spoke he said that he "still holds on to that fantasy from years ago but [he] needs to let it go"/called me a 'forbidden love'- that's why im confused. i dont know, what is he trying to say? i went past where he works, gave him a huge hug and hugged back and a week later i called him to see how he was and he genuinely sounded happy to hear from me but when i brought up the possibility of catching up before he leaves, he went all weird and touchy and we ended the call. and an hr later thats when he sent me an sms to say that he wanted to leave things alone.... i made a mistake, he's a great guy, i just want him to see that i dont wanna hurt him the second time around, and that we can be in each others lives and it doesnt have to be this way, is this still a possibility or have i completely blown it?
Serenitynow Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 i do want it but i didnt want to be obvious about it EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A GAME DOESNT IT !!!!! Dont EVER be honest that would just cause mass chaos on the planet ! .
guy.lepage Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 What can i do to let him know that i'll still be here when he does come around? or that i can be a friend? In answer to the original question (how to make sure a guy doesn't forget you), I will answer candidly give him a long and sensual blowjob to completion and he will never forget you.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 ....he wanted me years ago and his words "i shot him down", we lost touch and he held back from contacting me because he thought i hated him, but i never did. ever. i didnt know how he felt so i couldn't avoid the fall out from happening. i guess i just want a chance, i just want him in my life. you know try and pick up where we left off? is that just not possible with men? Ah-ha. This now makes sense. It's the feeling of wonder that you blew it. Perhaps you did. I don't know what's in the guy's head and what he had to tell himself to get over you. That may be something he does not want to reverse now. A lot of guys start threads here where it is they who wonder if they were too slow and irreparably blew it. There's only one real way I think to know for sure: tell him something remorseful like "you don't know why you resisted him, perhaps you were insecure or something but he's really melted whatever ice you had around your heart over time. " Then ask him if there's a chance. At least you'll know rather than wonder forever.
Diezel Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Stab him with a fork. I hate you. I was going to post "Stab him with a fork in the nuts and called it scrambled eggs" He'll NEVER forget you then.
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I hate you. I was going to post "Stab him with a fork in the nuts and called it scrambled eggs" He'll NEVER forget you then. LOL. Sorry, Diez. You did provide a nice extrapolation, though. I was just thinking the forearm or rib cage.
TheWatcher Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 i do want it but i didnt want to be obvious about it EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A GAME DOESNT IT !!!!! Dont EVER be honest that would just cause mass chaos on the planet ! . Are you joking Serenitynow ?? Be honest with someone and actually express how you feel about them ?? The Earth would stop spinning on its axis! Seriously Op...Whereas women (generally) want a guy who's interested in them to act aloof & disinterested;and not express any eagerness whatsoever.Men (generally) don't mind a when a woman shows obvious interest in them. It won't turn a guy off & send him running for the hills in the same way it would a woman. Good Luck ( and be thankful that you have something romantic going on in your life).
Gallaxia Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 "forbidden love" ? Hm, sounds like he has thought about it at length but I wonder what that means?
kdark Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Plain and simple: You shot him down, he hardened his heart and got over it. You want him back now, he is hesitant because you shot him down earlier. You aren't going to get anywhere with this guy unless you stop being so wishy-washy and show definite interest in him. He's not going to open up to you unless you open up first. You already burned him once, so you can't blame the guy. He's just looking out for his sanity.
deebeechrisyo Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Invite him over to your place for dinner, wear an apron over lingerie, give him a BJ while cooking. Boom, you got him !
Author guarded Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Ah-ha. This now makes sense. It's the feeling of wonder that you blew it. Perhaps you did.. Omg that’s exactly how I feel. I have blown it havnt I? men (generally) don't mind a when a woman shows obvious interest in them. It won't turn a guy off & send him running for the hills in the same way it would a woman I’ve shown enough interest and he was giving it right back, I don’t know what happened…. You shot him down, he hardened his heart and got over it. Very possible and maybe true…. When we spoke about the past and whatever happened he got so touchy about it and didn’t wanna talk and said that there really isn’t anything else for him to say. He said he fell for me years ago but he thinks that he can never feel that way for me again. And when I made a passing comment and said that I never really knew how he felt, he said that it was years ago and he was pretty young…I get all that and I told him that I understand and that I missed having him around and that I wanted to pick up the friendship, I even asked if it was just me who wanted the friendship and he was quick to say that it wasn’t just me but it was mutual. Despite how glad I was to hear that, he was also quick to make me question the possibility because he then said that being around me was hard because of our ‘history’, the attraction and all. You want him back now, he is hesitant because you shot him down earlier. You aren't going to get anywhere with this guy unless you stop being so wishy-washy and show definite interest in him I do want him back, even if its nothing more than friendship. I don’t think I’ve been wishy-washy about my feelings, ok, admittedly I’m cautious about what I say and try and get a feel for where he stands before I say anything but I think ive made it known that im interested. When we chatted, I said that all I knew was that I wanted him, and what I got from him was: “what? Just sex right? Lol…. I don’t wanna lead you on” I feel like he’s turned everything around, like im the only one interested but right from the start he’s shown interest too. I mean, my god if he got me to strip it bare on webcam isn’t interest, then I don’t know what is. When we got in touch again and he saw me on webcam like a few weeks later he was like ‘omg you’re ****ing hot’ and he was the one who kept initiating contact after that. When he went weird and said he needed to sort himself out, a week later we spoke and he said he wasn’t at a point in his life where he’s ready for a relationship and I was ok with that. And I thought everything was all ok but then he just went weird and closed up again. he's friends with my brother and i think he mistakenly heard at one point that i was seeing someone and that's when it went downhill and everything started to crumble and then out of nowhere he was suddenly seeing someone... i feel like i can't straighten things out, not until he lets me in and gives me a chance to talk properly. is there anything there or am i imagining the interest? Invite him over to your place for dinner, wear an apron over lingerie, give him a BJ while cooking. Boom, you got him ! I would but he won’t let me get close enough to invite him out let alone a BJ! Lol. But boy would I….. I had this ‘seduction’ plan and I was gonna get it rolling but I lost the chance when he suddenly started ‘seeing’ someone….. aarrggghhhh! So frustrating.
Kamille Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I told him that I understand and that I missed having him around and that I wanted to pick up the friendship, I even asked if it was just me who wanted the friendship and he was quick to say that it wasn’t just me but it was mutual. Despite how glad I was to hear that, he was also quick to make me question the possibility because he then said that being around me was hard because of our ‘history’, the attraction and all. I have to agree with the guys here... What are these games you're playing? Not only are you confusing him but you're more then likely doing yourself a disservice. You don't want a friendship, you would like a romantic relationship with this guy. You're setting yourself up for a long painful road if you settle for a friendship in the hopes that it will eventually lead to romance. It sounds to me like the only reasons you hang on so dearly to the idea of friendship is because he is being wishy washy about wanting a romantic relationship. Honey - you are setting yourself up for being friendzoned (or Friends with benefits-zoned). (I'm not sure the guys here see that). The solution? Be honest with yourself: what do you want? Is it a friendship or is it a romantic relationship? If it is romance (dating) then be honest with him and tell him that. Be honest with yourself and accept that you're allowed to want something romantic. He's also allowed to say no. But don't then hang on to the friendship scenario in the hopes he will come "around". If buddy is confused, then he needs time to process his confusion. Meanwhile, move on and keep living your fantastic life. Confused buddy isn't the only man in the universe. You're allowed to want a romantic relationship, he's allowed to say "no". Your job then isn't to hang on at all cost, it's to prioritize your own well-being and make sure that you hear and accept his answer and then proceed to move on. Then, when you've moved on, perhaps you two can consider being friends. But now? Hmmm... sounds like a big bowl of confusion, drama and half truths to me. See, if you truly only wanted a friendship with him, you would understand that he needs space and time to process whatever confusion there is between you. How about being honest, and telling him you're interested in him romantically? Tell him that if he ever feels the same ways and wants to take you out, he should get in touch with you. Then step back and move on with your life. If he comes around it was meant to be. If he doesn't, you will meet someone else.
norajane Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 He was 16 and you were 19 at the time of his crush on you? That can get you arrested in some states, and there's a huge maturity difference between a boy of 16 and a girl of 19. I don't blame you at all for turning him down back then. I'd be thinking, ewww myself. NOW, well, sorry, but I still think he's too immature to try to have a relationship with him. If you've been web-camming naked already, then he knows you are interested in more than "friends". He just can't handle it, so back off. There are MEN out there your age that you should be keeping an eye on to meet. Honestly, there's no need to waste your time on a boy with hurt feelings that he should have gotten over long ago and mixed messages.
O'Malley Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I mean, my god if he got me to strip it bare on webcam isn’t interest, then I don’t know what is. When we got in touch again and he saw me on webcam like a few weeks later he was like ‘omg you’re ****ing hot’ and he was the one who kept initiating contact after that. When he went weird and said he needed to sort himself out, a week later we spoke and he said he wasn’t at a point in his life where he’s ready for a relationship and I was ok with that. He may have been interested in you at one point, but now he's content with nude images and claims of "not ready for a relationship". When someone makes it obvious that they don't want to be with you, don't settle for the crumbs that they offer.
Author guarded Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 I have to agree with the guys here... What are these games you're playing? Not only are you confusing him but you're more then likely doing yourself a disservice. I honestly didn’t think I was playing any games, I thought he was the one playing them. But come to think of it, the problem has been me all along…. I was the one who got in touch with him again, and although my intention was to just reconnect and be friends my line of I had a dream about you was what led to the sexual road so to speak. When we first spoke, after we exchanged dreams and all, he went all quite and he said that it just felt all so sudden and it was unexpected and that he didn’t wanna be the guy that he used to be and jump into things, that he still wanted to be friends but we should talk about what’s been happening before we jumped into that stuff. And that was all good, and I agreed that it was best that we get to know each other and see where it all leads. But it kinda got out of control and I guess I stuffed it up right from the beginning. How about being honest, and telling him you're interested in him romantically? Tell him that if he ever feels the same ways and wants to take you out, he should get in touch with you. Then step back and move on with your life. If he comes around it was meant to be. If he doesn't, you will meet someone else. Thanks so much guys. It all just clicked after reading all the posts! I really want to be honest and try and talk things over but I don’t know how to go about it. Should I message, call or drop by where he works and talk in person? I feel like I can’t let it go until we talk properly. The last time we spoke was when he sent me that message: ‘im sorry for being a dick, I just want to leave things alone’… it’s been a month and a half, the longest we’ve been out of contact since we got in touch again. I didn’t reply to that message and left it all alone. But im still so restless and just can’t get over the fact that I havnt been able to say how I really feel, and a part of me hates him for not being able to just talk, I mean we’re both adults talking is what we should be able to do right? NOW, well, sorry, but I still think he's too immature to try to have a relationship with him. If you've been web-camming naked already, then he knows you are interested in more than "friends". He just can't handle it, so back off. I’m such an idiot! I’m kicking myself for doing the webcam thing! I’ve never ever done that before and it happened once. And I thought I didn’t give him signs of wanting to be more than friends, he just assumed from when we started talking. There are MEN out there your age that you should be keeping an eye on to meet. Honestly, there's no need to waste your time on a boy with hurt feelings that he should have gotten over long ago and mixed messages. I know, since we got in touch again I’ve been asked out by men who are clearly in to me but I’ve rejected. For some reason im just drawn to this guy?! Someone really needs to kick my head in, maybe that will straighten me out! I don’t get why im so emotionally wrecked about him, it really sucks. Not to sound like im up myself but I’ve never been rejected before and this is the first rejection I’ve had to deal with and it just rubs me the wrong way. He may have been interested in you at one point, but now he's content with nude images and claims of "not ready for a relationship". When someone makes it obvious that they don't want to be with you, don't settle for the crumbs that they offer. You’re right….but maybe i've read into it wrong but i feel like he's shown me signs that he was interested, that i was more than just a girl he could bed. or maybe that's just me imagining it all.
Recommended Posts