ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 (edited) Hello. I have a question...it's been four months since my boyfriend broke up with me. He was my first bf, first in everything, including sex. We went out for a year. He broke up with me in March (because I cared more about him than he did me, but he still loved me to death, in his words), got together a week later again, then he broke up with me again a week later (because he didn't love me at all anymore and didn't like me at all anymore, and didn't want a relationship anymore). We are both 18. My question is...is there something wrong with me in that I am still upset over this? Like, I still cry and am deeply depressed about it. Does that mean I just really cared, or is it wrong? Also, I do not understand how he just could stop liking me one day. I am a good girl and all, I just don't understand so it confuses me more and adds to the upset. Edited June 28, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
Treasa Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 No, sweetie, there isn't anything wrong with you. He was your first love, and you dated for over a year, and it's only been four months. What's wrong is that this seems to have done quite a number on your self esteem. Are you hanging out with friends? Are you making goals for yourself and trying to achieve them? If not, you should be. You need to own your inner strength, embrace it, and forge on with your life. Trust me, if it's meant to be, he'll come back. But in the meantime, don't you want to be living, dreaming about things you've always wanted to do, and then actually doing them? What are your dreams and goals for your own life? Do you have someone to talk to? I'm guessing you're still probably covered by your parents' health insurance, or at least that's what I'm hoping. Do you think maybe it's time you see a psychologist so you can talk these things out, get positive feedback, and get a plan of action? I love my psychologist. He keeps me from burning my ex's place down. LOL
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Thank you (: I've been hanging out with friends and things like that, and I'm also going to university in August. I know once I'm at college that'll really help me so much. Right now is tough though. I appreciate your reply. (:
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 I paint, write, read, draw, swim, take my dog on walks, and work on cars. haha.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 It's perfectly normal to be hurt when it appears you've been dumped for no apparent reason. My advice is try not to internalize it as something "wrong" with you. Life just ain't fair and some persons are inconsiderate swine. Pick yourself up by your female boot straps and tell yourself that folding yourself up into sorrow is toying with depression and you don't want anyone to have that kind of power over you. Sing "I am woman" and keep yourself busy making progress.
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Haha, thanks guys (: I appreciate it.
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 My ex got ahold of me last night. Sent me a text. I'd been doing NC but it just seemed not polite to not respond...lol...so I did. We chatted for about eight texts, then he said he was going to watch a movie with his sister and he'd "talk to me later." I don't know. I deff know that he doesn't want to get back together haha, but I do think he is very confused about life. ??? I do not know. Luckily, I felt better after last night, him texting me helped me feel a little more in control haha, maybe that's bad to say, but it's true.
TaraMaiden Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 If you're doing NC then bollocx to being polite and replying. The ex who dumps only ever gets in touch for one reason, and one reason only: to yank your chain. all they want to know is that they still have it in them to get you to reply. They do it - because they can. if you're going to do NC, then do it properly. Because if you respond to anything other than "I desperately want you back and will do whatever it takes", it just shows that they have no respect for you, and all they want to do is mess you around. Don't let him mess you around.
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I feel so naive haha...I'd never do that to anyone. I know people have bad intentions...it's just hard to believe sometimes. Thanks taramaiden for the tough love ha, I'll defintely not let myself be a little play doll anymore. I'm defintely not the type of girl to sit down and be a rug, dunno why I have been lately. That stops now, for certain. Isn't that why exes also say "let's be friends?" Because then you'll always be in their back pocket, just in case... F*c@ that.
Drummergirl_23 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Sounds like you have alot going for you. Don't ever let someone make you feel like you're not good enough. For one reason or another, you two were not meant to be. It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes, especially when you create this image of perfection in your mind when it comes to your future with a person. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Don't let this guy sucker you back into texting and contacting him. You said it yourself, YOU could never treat someone the way he treated you so why continue talking to him? He ended the relationship, which means he doesn't get the luxury of having you in his life. Especially not when you haven't fully healed! Stay strong, you are very very young and I don't know how it was for everyone else but it took literally YEARS for me to get over my first love. Especially if you go to the same school and have to see him everyday. Trust me, when you leave for college you are gonna meet tons of new people and you won't even think about all this anymore. I know its tough but it just happens. You WILL get through this!
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Thanks everyone! I always knew we'd probably break up eventually...I mean, that's just not realistic to think we'd be together forever. But of course, I thought it'd be longer and I thought I'd eventually be the one doing the breaking up. Not so much. I appreciate you guys not thinking my situation is strange...I get comments sometimes from people thinking it's abnormal (well, I guess it is different than the norm) that I've never dated until 18, and that I got my first kiss and lost my virginity all in a span of three months ha. I always could have had boyfriend's, I just wanted to wait until I found someone I really, really did like. I hate dating haha, as in, go to the movies, see how you like each other type of dating... Oh well. I'm glad I did it my way instead of dating since 13 I guess. Too bad he wasn't mature enough to appreciate all of that, but...that's life. All of you guys are just so wonderful! I appreciate you all soooo much.
Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 You'll be ok dear! Keep coming to this site! Thanks for you advice on my thread. I think if you keep reading other people's situation and give them advice, you will start to gain a new perspective on your own situation too. I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time, everyone remembers their first love. Unfortunately, it may take a long time to heal. FORTUNATELY, everyone has gone through the hurt you feel right now. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll be ok I promise! This too shall pass. Breaking up with your first love is ALWAYS the hardest and I think EVERYONE will agree.
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Thanks! And no problem. For some reason, giving advice helps and is so easy to give to others! But to give advice to yourself, it's impossible, that's why you need other people haha... Yeah, I'll tell ya...it's no picnic haha. It's getting better though. NC helps SO much, can't even tell ya...well, that and time. Plus, I know someday he is gonna regret losing me big time (way in the future when I'm quite past this) and that kinda makes me feel better in a perverse way...lol.
Drummergirl_23 Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Don't even worry about him no more! He may or may not regret it, but I can tell that you are DEFINITELY better off without a douche like that. Think about how many people you're gonna meet when you go to school!!! You have sooooooo much to look forward to! Now is the time to be excited about the future! Always look forward, never back. Keep giving advice. In a way, you're helping others AND yourself cause you start to realize what's coming out of you own mouth! We are all here for each other and that's what's awesome even though we don't know each other. It helps to know you're not alone though. In the words of my ex, Keep your head held high!! LOL!!
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) Thanks for the guidance everyone! Everything's been great. But today, I don't know, I just feel a lot of anger because he tries to act like I'm not that hurt over it, and that he didn't cause me a lot of pain. That angers me because he isn't taking responsiblity for it. I know it doesn't matter anymore, and sorry for being crude, but...it REALLY pisses me off. Take responsiblity for your actions and the people around you that you have and (get rid of) out of your life. From day one, he didn't take responsibitly for it. He tried to tell me the only reason I miss him/liked him so much was because he was like me. (UMM WHAT? DO NOT tell me what I think and feel. I'm a big girl, I know myself. And that's not true, anyway). Does he do this to make himself feel better and not guilty? If so, isn't that a pretty lowly way to treat people? I do not get mad often...but, this infuriates me. Silently. lol. I'd NEVER contact him to tell him this, that's dumb. I guess I'm venting. Sorry. Edited July 5, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
CailinPig Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 i completely feel ur pain, i was the same as you, howver i'd my first kiss at 16 but then when i was 19 i had my first boyfriend who i also had sex with for the first time, and all that. we were together three years, it took me a year to get over him and even then i'm not sure i was fully over him, and since then he's been in and out of my life like a yo yo. so my advice to you is definitely no contact, even if he texts you happy birthday. get rid of him out of your life, delete his number, remove any reminders of him because otherwise you will be his plaything. he's not doing it to be mean, it's just what some people do. but get rid of him before you end up like me - I'm 25 and I'm extremely upset because that first boyfrind when I was 19 now has a new girlfriend. If i had moved on and stayed away from him, I'd be ok today. So don't let it happen to you.
Author ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Thanks darling. I've heard the first love is the hardest one to get over. Well, hopefully, I hope there are not harder ones ahead! haha. This has kinda put me off from relationships though. Which is fine, I've got University to worry about. And you're right, "being just friends" isn't good...indeed, I tried it when we broke up until early june, and all it ended up with, (can't lie you guys...I know a couple of you will be dissapointed in me for this, but I'll fess up haha) was him putting moves on me, us "hooking up", and then myself feeling worse at the end of it. Lesson learned, and I've done well lately, mainly because of the respect I have for myself...And side note, I'm not the typical girl to bow down to guys, I just have a weak spot for this one. Regardless, this sucks. lol. Not to mention my dog died the day after he broke up with me, and my best friend since 5th grade just moved away a couple days ago. :3 When it rains, it truly pours. haha. And I guess I talk about this on here so much because I have no siblings, parents aren't the type to want to discuss these sorts of things with me, and all of friends have bf's/gf's, so they just don't want to hear, and I don't want to press my problems on them; People tend to get annoyed, which isn't being a good friend, I know, but I've learned not to expect too much out of anyone anymore. ha.
Mimolicious Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Sweetpea, in no time you will be in college. There are plenty of fish in that pond. Trust me, you amy not believe this now but one day you will look back and say "exBF such and such WHO?". You went through your first heartbreak. We all do. It probably wont be your last but we sure don't die from them. We are expected to learn from each and one of them to make us stronger people and to help us make the list of what we are looking for in a SO. Don't bother wasting your time texting back and worth with someone who told you that you don't mean anything at all to him. Odds are this is true. (Sorry, but I don't tip-toe around reality). He is probably getting in touch because he is bored and looking for some quick entertainment. Don't fall into his "keeping you at text reach". You don't have to be "polite". He didn't want you!!! Keep focus, it wasn't you and it's not your fault. That is just life... Good luck and keep yourself entertained.
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