The classic "reverse breakup"

[Serenitynow]

Ok before anyone replys and says how can you breakup you werent going out ? I understand that, but the tactic she used is still the same thing

 

 

Right before I left the dating site, a female contacted me.

 

I told her I was leaving and she recommended I add her on facebook.

 

I leave the dating site, so now the only contact I have with her is facebook

 

(no phone numbers handed out yet)

 

I send her an email on facebook

 

Over a week goes by, no reply. But I can see that shes still alive, and posting during the week.

 

So after this time, I make a smart-ass remark regarding being ignored on a recent post she made. ( I've already decided it was over once I posted this)

 

Today she sends me an email saying she deleted my remark, and that she has no time for somone like me in her life acting the way I did.

 

I just replied to her and said :

 

You already cut ties with me before I made that smart-ass comment. Dont try to say you were too busy to reply to my message last week. You were on facebook during the week, you could have at least been cordial and said "hey been busy, I'll hit you up later".

 

She totally discounted that she ignored my email, and used my remark as the reason to cut ties with me, like she did nothing wrong

 

That has happened to me soo many times. The person is hoping you just take the hint and fade away. And then when you call them on it, they act like they are the angel, and you are the arsehole lol

 

How many times had this "reverse breakup" happened to you ?

 

Obviously she had lost interest once we added each other on FB. If someone is interested in someone, they WILL FIND TIME to keep in contact. PERIOD

 

.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Serenitynow

[reservoirdog1]

If someone is interested in someone, they WILL FIND TIME to keep in contact. PERIOD.

Very true. She sounds like a flake.

 

For future reference -- your response to her "dumping" you sounded a bit pissy and petulant. You're better than that -- why engage? If she gives you flaky weird bullshyt in the course of cutting ties, just respond with "whatever, princess" and leave it at that. I say this as somebody who actually did get dumped by email and wrote a pissy and petulant reply. Wasn't worth it -- I just felt kind of whiny after I sent it.

[Serenitynow]

I could care less what the person thinks of my reply.

 

I am just sick and tired of all these "adults" using the "ignore" method to tell you they arent interested.

 

I refuse to follow the rules and just lay-down.

 

Funny how theres only 1 reply so far, with almost 50 views.

 

Probably cause so many people do exaclty what I'm bitching about.

[alyssatranswarrior]

Id lost my virginity to girls I knew but werent really my "girlfriends" in my teens then I had my first gf which was LDR online.

 

It lasted a long time but she was flake-central for all I know she was carrying on multiple LDR partners during the time she said we were exclusive.

 

Anyway. She always commented how I was seemingly talking to girls a lot and she was very insecure on things like that. (this concern of hers was based on how many female contacts I had on yahoo)

 

You mention after adding you to FB you got an ignore regime? She probably looked at either how many girls you have added, or what KIND of girls you have as friends OR what kind of comments you have in your history from girls/to girls and decided based on this you were different than your dating site persona in some way.

 

That can't be overlooked as a chance. Girls will often judge way more than you'd hope based on "visual" behaviour, things they can see, traits you probably think are WAY reactionary and not REALLY part of your relationship traits.

 

I'm with you if you look at my reasoning and think "why not get to know me first thats stupid" but hey, some aren't like that unfortunately.

Edited June 29, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior

[USMCHokie]

I could care less what the person thinks of my reply.

 

Why would women want to deal with someone that has this attitude...? You would fall into that crazy guy category of online dating...

 

First problem...Facebook...why didn't you ask for her email or her number when you were parting ways with the dating site? Why Facebook? In my opinion, Facebook shouldn't even be in a picture during the early stages of dating...

 

Second problem...no one owes you anything...so why do you think women are obligated to respond back to you...? They aren't doing anything wrong by not responding to you...so sudden accusations and "calling them out" is just plain childish...

 

Third problem...smart-ass Facebook remark = fail...email bitching about her deleting your remark = even more fail...it just reflects immaturity, brattiness, and a general sense of insecurity...definitely a turn off for a girl to see any kind of message like that...

[Serenitynow]

The issue here isnt whether she likes me or not. I completely understand if someone wants to break ties, they have every right.

 

But be an ADULT about it. Anyone that hides behind the "I'm gonna ignore the person till they get the hint" tactic is totally worthless

 

 

She contacted me on the dating site

 

She had the idea of using facebook

 

I simply sent her an email on FB after leaving the dating site.

 

We were chatting/emailing multiple days a week on the dating site prior to me leaving

 

why do you think women are obligated to respond back to you...?

 

Her obligation has nothing to do with this.

 

WHY did she contact me then ?

 

WHY did she suggest FB ?

 

If she got busy, and was seriously interested, she would have taken 5 secs and told me so.

 

MATURE ADULTS communicate when they are dating and interested.

[USMCHokie]

MATURE ADULTS communicate when they are dating and interested.

 

So if you take the contrapositive of that, you get:

 

Mature adults who are not dating nor interested do not communicate...

[fishtaco]

That's just how most women are. I'm sure men too, but I don't date men, so I don't know.

 

You shouldn't even have bothered. Just leave her on facebook. It doesn't hurt to have +1 friend. If she's too noisy you can always mute her.

 

Expect this sort of behavior many many many more times in the future. It takes a lot of energy to react this strongly. Just shrug and move on.

 

Here's the rule. Anytime you get a non-positive, assume it's negative and put the ball in their court. Then you move on to the next one. If the first one comes around, more option is even better. If not, well, you already moved on so who cares. And when you get a positive, keep it going and add the next one anyway. Positives can and do change to negatives. Many women change their minds all the time. Don't try to understand it, just know it, and plan for it accordingly.

[Serenitynow]

Yeah a week goes by, she's not really interested and is using that as a way not to be the "bad guy".

 

Either she lost interest, or was keeping me around for a backup

 

I refuse to play along and let myself dangle on the line