can't get her out of my head!!!!!!

[ditched]

its been a few weeks more than a year. For the most part i have maintained NC, aside from a few scattered texts she sent me. My problem is that i am having such a hard time NOT thinking about her. Shes just this constant thought in the back of my mind at all times. I dont see her ever. She lives an hour away from me, and i have successfully avoided looking at any of her online profiles. BUT, she is still in my mind constantly. I have been keeping busy. Doing alot of hanging out with my friends/bands etc. Sometimes i still wake up in tears, feeling like our breakup just happened. im 34 years old and i feel like i should have better control of my emotions.

 

I heard through some people that she's got a new BF, and i find myself thinking during the weekend, where she is and what theyre doing. which is just such an unhealthy thought to have. it really serves no purpose. i just can't stop. Unfortunately, my love life has come to a standstill. Every girl i meet seems to pale in comparison to her. I know i'm supposed to "knock her off the pedestal", but its easier said than done.

 

i dont really know what the point of this post is. Maybe someone has some advice????

Edited June 28, 2010 by ditched

[Nikki Sahagin]

Hey there ditched! I'm not great with the advice as I think each person operates differently in these sort of situations and I don't think there is blanket advice or a blanket approach to suit everyone.

 

In saying that though I think all the cliches are true. It does help a lot to know of other people in your situation because you realise that this pain is universal and almost a law of the world; that we all experience loss and heart break in one way or another. That can be a very humbling and liberating thing once the incessant pain is over.

 

I can relate to always thinking about the ex. I used to constantly think about mine but the nature of the thoughts would change. I won't lie and say that I don't think about him, because of course I do, I wonder how he is, what he's up to and what he is thinking and feeling. But the emotion that accompanies the thoughts changes; sometimes you will think of them and feel sad, or angry, but after a while the thoughts will become so common you will be desensitised to them and feel very little or nothing, it is THEN that the thoughts will slowly disapear.

 

Although it can be hard you do need to do things, even if the thoughts follow you as you do them. Its great if you are interested in anything that immerses you to such a degree that you literally think of NOTHING i.e. a sport of some kind. Otherwise do things and carry on doing them, even as you think of her.

 

Sometimes I think its positive to follow a train of thought and okay to wonder about them. If you find yourself following the thought TOO far, to the extent where you are making yourself miserable or angry, rather than just a little melancholy, you will need to cut the thought of, train yourself mentally to think of something else or talk yourself out of the thought.

 

I can't explain HOW it changes but somehow it just does. The thoughts are less insistent and though I think we all do still think of our exes and wonder about them, the thoughts become much less and managable.

 

You will lose these thoughts. Just keep busy doing what makes you feel happy or good, find things that give your life a purpose and make you feel you are doing something right whether it be something creative, animals, kids, helping others, work, travel, holidays etc. Do things toward your own growth and the thoughts will become just a distant din over the clutter of the rest of your day.

[BiAxident]

i don't really know what the point of this post is. Maybe someone has some advice????

 

The point of the post is to vent your pain & frustration and to create connections with others who are in similar circumstances. I'm slightly younger than you are, but I fail to see how age would make coping with the sort of pain you are experiencing any easier. Regardless if you are 15, 50, or 80, you are still human and pain is still pain.

 

There is plenty of advice to be offered here, most of it you are probably already familiar with. Eat healthy, exercise, spend time with your friends, and given that you mentioned bands, play your instrument(s). Keep posting here, consider it a journal that will get responses on occasion!