jennie-jennie Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I disagree. He's been giving her mixed messages, that's why she's "not listening". It's hard to "listen" when someone's deeply in love and in pain. Masoshi, I feel for you and I wish we could meet and have a chat about thing over a coffee. You need help and support and it would be good for you to get counselling. I think it is awful of your MM to have promised you future and encouraged to leave your H, only to run back to his W after all this. It makes me really angry when I think about it. But maybe he's one of those people who actually believe what they say, believe that they want something and will go for it, but then the reality smacks them in the face and they back off, as they had not envisioned how hard it was going to be. If you don't end up together, think of him as a catalyst, which gave you the courage to make the decision to get out of your unhappy M, so that you can start a new life. You will have learned something from this experience and become stronger, now you know what you really need and want and you will find it. You're so young, great happiness is still awaiting you. Give him an ultimatum of any length, but don't hang around waiting, live your life and get busy doing things that have nothing to do with him and will give you a distraction. Being distressed is obviously not doing any good to you, but also it is making the whole situation worse, as it might make him withdraw further and generally things work out better when some emotional balance is achieved. I know that it's so much easier said than done, but please keep trying, do anything you can to make yourself feel better (apart from things that are related to HIM), like spend time doing activities you like and seeing people you like. Find your strength under the pile of this hurt and you will feel better. Lots of hugs. Listen to Ellin, Masoshi. This is such a wise and helpful post. (((Masoshi)))
Owl Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I disagree. He's been giving her mixed messages, that's why she's "not listening". It's hard to "listen" when someone's deeply in love and in pain. Masoshi, I feel for you and I wish we could meet and have a chat about thing over a coffee. You need help and support and it would be good for you to get counselling. I think it is awful of your MM to have promised you future and encouraged to leave your H, only to run back to his W after all this. It makes me really angry when I think about it. But maybe he's one of those people who actually believe what they say, believe that they want something and will go for it, but then the reality smacks them in the face and they back off, as they had not envisioned how hard it was going to be. If you don't end up together, think of him as a catalyst, which gave you the courage to make the decision to get out of your unhappy M, so that you can start a new life. You will have learned something from this experience and become stronger, now you know what you really need and want and you will find it. You're so young, great happiness is still awaiting you. Give him an ultimatum of any length, but don't hang around waiting, live your life and get busy doing things that have nothing to do with him and will give you a distraction. Being distressed is obviously not doing any good to you, but also it is making the whole situation worse, as it might make him withdraw further and generally things work out better when some emotional balance is achieved. I know that it's so much easier said than done, but please keep trying, do anything you can to make yourself feel better (apart from things that are related to HIM), like spend time doing activities you like and seeing people you like. Find your strength under the pile of this hurt and you will feel better. Lots of hugs. Actually, I agree with this as well. I don't think that your relationship with this MM is going to go anywhere. But it makes a LOT of sense to use this as a 'learning experience' and move forward from.
Fallen Angel Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 You know, sometimes I am floored by this group and the constant double-standard behaviour in the "group" dynamic here. How many hundreds of times have we seen people on this site say "As OW/Om you should walk away and give the WS a chance to really work on their marriage without you in the picture. Then if they decide that they have really tried and can not make the marriage work, and get divorced then and only then you can try again at a relationship with them." We see that "advice" all the time here. Yet as soon as someone is actually doing just that the group changes tactics to "dump him now. Don't give him a chance to make an honest attempt at repairing his broken marriage, tell him it is now or never." UGH! Talk about frustrating!! It is just like the group spouting off about going NC to give the MP a chance to really make a choice. Then the MP chooses the OW/OM and the group starts clamoring on about how the OW/OM needs to stay NC permanently. (because the MP chose them?? ) Why don't you all just say what you mean, and tell any OW/OM that post here that you are going to advise them to do whatever you think will permanently destroy their relationship with their MP. At least that would be honest!! OP, Go Nc or LC for six months. Give yourself and your MM a chance to really know what it is you want, and revisit things with him at the end of six months. (Chances are he will let you know where he stands before the six months are through.) If this is a relationship that you want to pursue, and you have already invested five years, I not think six months is an unreasonable amount of time to allow. I would suggest you spend that six months doing things that make you happy. Volunteer, go back to school, build a community of good friends around yourself, so that your time is not spent alone and depressed and good friends will be handy to have regardless of the outcome of your relationship. Be honest with your MM. tell him what you want. tell him what you expect, and tell him that at the end of the six months you will expect some action, not just promises of action. Hold your ground and be firm. Chin up girl.. You can do this. ((hugs to you))
Ellin Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Why don't you all just say what you mean, and tell any OW/OM that post here that you are going to advise them to do whatever you think will permanently destroy their relationship with their MP. At least that would be honest!! Yep. How many times have we heard preaching about the importance of integrity? OP, Go Nc or LC for six months. Give yourself and your MM a chance to really know what it is you want, and revisit things with him at the end of six months. (Chances are he will let you know where he stands before the six months are through.) If this is a relationship that you want to pursue, and you have already invested five years, I not think six months is an unreasonable amount of time to allow. I would suggest you spend that six months doing things that make you happy. Volunteer, go back to school, build a community of good friends around yourself, so that your time is not spent alone and depressed and good friends will be handy to have regardless of the outcome of your relationship. Be honest with your MM. tell him what you want. tell him what you expect, and tell him that at the end of the six months you will expect some action, not just promises of action. Hold your ground and be firm. Chin up girl.. You can do this. ((hugs to you)) Good advice. This A has been going on for so long and seemed to have been quite advanced. It's not easy (almost impossible) to just walk away from that completely in a matter of days. Masoshi, all your efforts need to concentrate on looking after yourself now, making yourself feel better and trying to detach yourself from this emotional intensity for the time being. I can imagine the pain you're going through, but you'll be ok in the end.
silverplanets Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Yep. How many times have we heard preaching about the importance of integrity? Good advice. This A has been going on for so long and seemed to have been quite advanced. It's not easy (almost impossible) to just walk away from that completely in a matter of days. Masoshi, all your efforts need to concentrate on looking after yourself now, making yourself feel better and trying to detach yourself from this emotional intensity for the time being. I can imagine the pain you're going through, but you'll be ok in the end. You just sit down quietly, decide and then walk. It really is that simple. What's hard is dealing with the pulls that you generate within yourself to get back in touch with them ... Realising that "they" are an unhealthy addiction for you is a good start ... Realising that most of the "pull" that your feeling is from breaking that addiction is a great second ... This is all about managing, loving and parenting yourself in the end. :rolleyes:
Fieldsofgold Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 You just sit down quietly, decide and then walk. It really is that simple. What's hard is dealing with the pulls that you generate within yourself to get back in touch with them ... Realising that "they" are an unhealthy addiction for you is a good start ... Realising that most of the "pull" that your feeling is from breaking that addiction is a great second ... This is all about managing, loving and parenting yourself in the end. :rolleyes: Wise words from one who has been there and done that. Uh, from a 13 years relationship, if I'm not mistaken.
Ellin Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 You just sit down quietly, decide and then walk. It really is that simple. What's hard is dealing with the pulls that you generate within yourself to get back in touch with them ... Realising that "they" are an unhealthy addiction for you is a good start ... Realising that most of the "pull" that your feeling is from breaking that addiction is a great second ... This is all about managing, loving and parenting yourself in the end. :rolleyes: The decision and the realisation is for the person concerned alone. There should not be any pressure on her about what to decide and what to realise.
Fieldsofgold Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 The REALLY telling moment, IMO, was when you mentioned therapy to deal with your pain, and HIS concern was that he would be outed. That, right there, says more about his attitude toward you, IMO, than anything else he could say or do. You do not deserve that kind of uncaring treatment. IMO, this is NOT about whether he is married or not. This is about someone who, after four years of a supposedly "loving" relationship, could treat their partner with such contempt and disregard as he has treated you. I would not care if neither of you had ever been married and you were both virgins! No one should be treated with this kind of insensitive, compassionless disregard and contempt. Waiting six months will not change that fact. IMO. If, after waiting six months, he does pick you, wants to marry you, is this REALLY the kind of man you would want to be married to? Is this REALLY the compassion and tender care you want your husband or lover to be capable of? Because now you know what he is capable of. He has shown a different facet of his character. Be glad you were fortunate enough to see how heartless and uncaring he is can be, and run for the hills. Because I am pretty sure this is not one of the qualities you are looking for in a mate. Look out for yourself, because this man clearly won't; he has shown clearly that he will never make sacrifices out of love for you.
2sunny Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 i'm wondering now, since we haven't heard from the OP - how she is doing?
sadintexas Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) How many hundreds of times have we seen people on this site say "As OW/Om you should walk away and give the WS a chance to really work on their marriage without you in the picture. Then if they decide that they have really tried and can not make the marriage work, and get divorced then and only then you can try again at a relationship with them." Yet as soon as someone is actually doing just that the group changes tactics to "dump him now. Don't give him a chance to make an honest attempt at repairing his broken marriage, tell him it is now or never." It is just like the group spouting off about going NC to give the MP a chance to really make a choice. Then the MP chooses the OW/OM and the group starts clamoring on about how the OW/OM needs to stay NC permanently. (because the MP chose them?? ) Why don't you all just say what you mean, and tell any OW/OM that post here that you are going to advise them to do whatever you think will permanently destroy their relationship with their MP. At least that would be honest!! I can only speak for myself, but here's what I see that somewhat negates your argument. NC until the point of divorce is good advice. In neither of the cases is a divorce complete. The situation you bring up about MBEG, if you will go back and read her initial post, SHE is unsure if she can go there with MM again, SHE is not ready to resume real contact with him. She is moving ahead fine and gets knocked back when he attempts to make contact. The only question she had was should she let him know the door remains open (and only possibly open because she wasn't even sure about that). The answer of "stay strong and NC" is very relative to her situation because SHE herself admits she is not ready to have anything with him and doesn't know if she EVER will. Do you see the difference? And also to point out, her MM didn't leave for her. He finally got the boot from the W. There's also a difference there. Walking away so the M couple can work on the M is good advice. It means walking away. Not hanging around for six months (and letting him know that). Not interfering in anyway whatsoever. Being Gone! When someone feels the need to have a deadline, it's best when it is a personal thing. I'm not saying don't communicate to the other person...I'm saying you don't say "do this by x date or I'm gone". That's an ultimatum. It is better to say to self "If I don't see a change in this situation by x date then I'm gone". See the difference? In this particular case, the MM has already told her he's staying to work on the M. He was relieved when she told him she would move on. He was not concerned for her as much as he was concerned about being "outed" when she mentioned counseling. This is not a man that is anywhere near prepared to leave his M. She's already given it countless years. Why should she stay emotionally tied to this situation for six more months? In both situations you bring up, where you believe that the advice given is contradictory and ill spirited, it is actually tailored to the specific situation and is keeping in mind the best possible advice for the particular person. It is only in trying help one stay emotionally healthy, or to impart knowledge that I have gained, that I personally say anything to anyone here. I've walked in these shoes and I've come out on the other side a heck of a lot wiser than I was going in. The only contradictions I've made were between my posts now and those over a year ago when I was involved in the A. There's a clear difference and for good reason. I would love to see more happy endings, but sadly, they don't happen for a reason. One day, you too will see that. Edited July 2, 2010 by sadintexas
jennie-jennie Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 I can only speak for myself, but here's what I see that somewhat negates your argument. NC until the point of divorce is good advice. In neither of the cases is a divorce complete. The situation you bring up about MBEG, if you will go back and read her initial post, SHE is unsure if she can go there with MM again, SHE is not ready to resume real contact with him. She is moving ahead fine and gets knocked back when he attempts to make contact. The only question she had was should she let him know the door remains open (and only possibly open because she wasn't even sure about that). The answer of "stay strong and NC" is very relative to her situation because SHE herself admits she is not ready to have anything with him and doesn't know if she EVER will. Do you see the difference? And also to point out, her MM didn't leave for her. He finally got the boot from the W. There's also a difference there. Walking away so the M couple can work on the M is good advice. It means walking away. Not hanging around for six months (and letting him know that). Not interfering in anyway whatsoever. Being Gone! When someone feels the need to have a deadline, it's best when it is a personal thing. I'm not saying don't communicate to the other person...I'm saying you don't say "do this by x date or I'm gone". That's an ultimatum. It is better to say to self "If I don't see a change in this situation by x date then I'm gone". See the difference? In this particular case, the MM has already told her he's staying to work on the M. He was relieved when she told him she would move on. He was not concerned for her as much as he was concerned about being "outed" when she mentioned counseling. This is not a man that is anywhere near prepared to leave his M. She's already given it countless years. Why should she stay emotionally tied to this situation for six more months? In both situations you bring up, where you believe that the advice given is contradictory and ill spirited, it is actually tailored to the specific situation and is keeping in mind the best possible advice for the particular person. It is only in trying help one stay emotionally healthy, or to impart knowledge that I have gained, that I personally say anything to anyone here. I've walked in these shoes and I've come out on the other side a heck of a lot wiser than I was going in. The only contradictions I've made were between my posts now and those over a year ago when I was involved in the A. There's a clear difference and for good reason. I would love to see more happy endings, but sadly, they don't happen for a reason. One day, you too will see that. Did I miss something? I didn't see FA talking about MBEG. I am confused.
Fallen Angel Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 In both situations you bring up, where you believe that the advice given is contradictory and ill spirited, it is actually tailored to the specific situation and is keeping in mind the best possible advice for the particular person. It is only in trying help one stay emotionally healthy, or to impart knowledge that I have gained, that I personally say anything to anyone here. I am already running quite late for work, and I will return tonight to respond to the points you raise in this post. But I do want to say this quickly. Perhaps YOU, sadintexas, are posting with what you feel are responses specific to each individual and are honestly trying to give what you perceive as good advice. I do not know your heart and can not say one way or the other. But most often here people are handed cookie cutter advice, that advice being whatever will permanently destroy any relationship that started out as an affair. There are many people who are here posting with an agenda. There are other sites these same people post on where they freely admit to this behavior. I am simply pointing out the obvious discrepancies in the advice being handed out as being "in the best interest of the OP". I think oftentimes women here in pain seek assistance and while no one should just take whatever advice that is offered them by random strangers on a website and consider it the gospel truth, women who are hurting and as confused as many of the women here will do just that when they are bombarded by the same "loving advice" over and over. They begin to second-guess themselves and make rash decisions spurred on by the mob mentality here. I pointed out the inconsistencies in order to get the OPs to slow down and truly consider the sources of the advice they are receiving. Are these people here REALLY interested in their well-being? Do they REALLY wish for the OPs ultimate happiness? I know that I am. I do not have to know any of you intimately in order to want for your happiness, it is inherent in my nature that I do. I just do not see that same thought process taking place in people who are offering this contradictory advice. But that is just my opinion. *shrug*
Owl Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 There are many people who are here posting with an agenda. EVERYONE who posts here has "an agenda". They post from their experiences which of course clearly have created their current mindsets/values/beliefs. INCLUDING YOU. Perhaps the break isn't that many people post here with an agenda...the break is that their agendas conflict with yours? The QUESTION becomes...do they conflict with those of the OP who came here for advice? I personally made my recommendations to her based on what I think is best FOR HER. Not for the MM, nor even his marriage. Spending six months pending the completion of a non-existant, completely vague 'boundary' she laid for MM is NOT in her best interests. She's better off addressing the issues NOW, up front, and recognizing that allowing six months for him to talk about making changes doesn't really ENFORCE anything.
NoIDidn't Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 But that is just my opinion. *shrug* Yep. Its just YOUR opinion. Its annoying when ANY poster gives their opinion as the gospel. Including you.
OWoman Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Its annoying when ANY poster gives their opinion as the gospel. I thought gospel meant "good news" (from the Old English "god spell"). I dont see very much good news being handed out in this forum. Anyone who posts any good news is accused of gloating; anyone who wishes anyone well is accused of giving false hope; anyone who comments on any positive aspect of someone's R is told that it can't possibly be anything but toxic if it's not a monogamous, officially sanctified marriage. Unless, of course, they're swearing off the A, embarking on the holy grail of NC. Then they're invited into the hallowed halls of heaven to sing with the angelic NC choir. Sure, NC can help someone heal after ending a R. Sure, NC can help someone resist falling back into a toxic R (of any kind). Sure, NC can help someone who is confused to gain perspective by giving them some critical distance. But NC isn't the solution to every R dilemma, and NC isn't even the solution to every situation that involves healing after a failed R, escaping from a toxic R or even clarifying options when confused. Each situation, each person, each R, is different. They say if your only tool is a hammer, then the whole world looks like a nail. I think LS often looks like a nail to those posters who only have the hammer of NC in their toolbox...
NoIDidn't Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 i'm wondering now, since we haven't heard from the OP - how she is doing? I wonder too. Instead, there are posters claiming that anyone giving decent advice on how to truly extricate herself from the A has an agenda. The OP updated that she is giving the MM a six month window to continue disrespecting her and his M. I think the OP did say that she had already told him of her plans, though. I still can't believe he said he was "relieved". I know that probably stood out to the OP as well, or it wouldn't have been mentioned here. Sounds like the MM told her he was going to work on his M to get her to break up with him, but instead she's waiting for the bottom to drop out. I think he hopes she'll give up before the six months is up. Men, not just MM, are known for pushing the woman to break up with them when its really what they wanted anyway.
silverplanets Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 Wise words from one who has been there and done that. Uh, from a 13 years relationship, if I'm not mistaken. Yup, you're spot on .... I walked away many times during it because "i'd had enough" in the heat of the moment ... Only once, however did I sit down and have a dialogue only with myself about it ... when I did, I made my own decision and sticking to it has not been/will never be an issue. I realise it's not easy to get to the point where one makes this deep and absolute decision for oneself -it took me ages and lots of too and fro'ing. Could I have done it earlier? Yes, but in truth I never a) wanted to or b) valued my self enough to C
silverplanets Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 The decision and the realisation is for the person concerned alone. There should not be any pressure on her about what to decide and what to realise. I agree and yes, they will no doubt take their own view on whether the strong pull is "love" or an addiction or anything else .. These threads are good like that .. the op get's lots of views , can maybe become aware of other possibilities/influences, and then narrow back down to what they think is right for them Good healthy problem resolution in action
Author Masoshi Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Ok everyone, I've been reading the posts over the course of the week, and I admit I've been a little scared to reply. I had no idea there'd be as much of a response as there was. Some things hard to read, some things kind. I believe everyone means well so I try to keep it all in perspective. When I wrote those posts, I was angry. We (MM and I) had come off a 3 day weekend (weird office thing) with almost no contact during that time, and he'd seemed distant. I had spent the whole weekend with thoughts circulating around in my head...the weeks prior had also been really rough. I said what I did to him. I said it out of desperation because I didn't feel like there were anymore options left. I know the comments I've received, the majority of them, have said I didn't even give him an ultimatum, and perhaps that's true, I didn't. But after the length of time we've spent together, walking away within a couple of days was not something I could bear doing and frankly, not something I wanted for myself, or for him. As much as I dislike it (and I dislike it a LOT) I do understand his idea that he should work on his M before deciding he has done all he can, and wants out (if he wants out after that). I did it too, after all. I didn't just meet MM, and suddenly I wanted out of my M and it happened. It took three years, and my M was already in lousy shape when I met him. And I put him through a lot of the same stuff he put me through. Saying I didn't know if he should be around, saying I felt guilty, etc. And we fought then too, but then, I guess, the pull to be near him again because of the love I felt kept me from being able to cut him out of my life (even when I wanted to) in an attempt to make improvements in my M. I should clarify, he wasn't relieved, per se. He doesn't like to see me the way I've been, feeling as I have. I'm sure those who have been advocating I should pick up and leave are rolling their eyes at that, and that's fair. But I like to think I know him a little better than that, regardless of where we end up, and I know he doesn't actually like to see me hurting. In seeing my determination (when I said our relationship should end) he felt that if it could bring me some closure or some peace and stop the emotional rollercoaster, maybe it was better for me, even if wasn't something he wanted to happen to us. So how am I doing... better. Why? Because the lack of contact thing didn't last. Cue eye rolls and how needy and pathetic I am, and how I'm being used, I suppose. But that's not how I feel. I think that matters - because that matters to me. He said he wanted to work on his M, that was his revelation to me last month, but his actions have changed. He says he wants to make more efforts with me; his mood has changed. And, right now, it makes me happy. And I don't know what will happen in a month, in two months, in six months, or what. But I'm not chasing him, as I felt I was this past month, I'm trying to do more of my own thing. I'm planning to take a trip to Europe for a few weeks later this summer too, completely alone - time to think, I guess. Whatever happens with this, happens. I appreciate the comments from everyone, I don't like all of them, obviously! But I read them. And I think about them - all of them.
2sunny Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 So how am I doing... better. Why? Because the lack of contact thing didn't last. Cue eye rolls and how needy and pathetic I am, and how I'm being used, I suppose. But that's not how I feel. I think that matters - because that matters to me. He said he wanted to work on his M, that was his revelation to me last month, but his actions have changed. He says he wants to make more efforts with me; his mood has changed. And, right now, it makes me happy. And I don't know what will happen in a month, in two months, in six months, or what. But I'm not chasing him, as I felt I was this past month, I'm trying to do more of my own thing. I'm planning to take a trip to Europe for a few weeks later this summer too, completely alone - time to think, I guess. Whatever happens with this, happens. normal protocol for a MM who sees that you are about to exit the A. he steps up his game in order to make sure you don't leave. it's still selfish from his perspective - at the expense of you and his W. he hasn't promised anything further and you are willing to be happy with that - so i wish you all the happiness you are seeking. and have a great time in Europe - i think that's a fantastic plan! don't rule out paying attention to available men while traveling - you deserve your own brand of fun through life too!
jennie-jennie Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 normal protocol for a MM who sees that you are about to exit the A. he steps up his game in order to make sure you don't leave. it's still selfish from his perspective - at the expense of you and his W. he hasn't promised anything further and you are willing to be happy with that - so i wish you all the happiness you are seeking. and have a great time in Europe - i think that's a fantastic plan! don't rule out paying attention to available men while traveling - you deserve your own brand of fun through life too! Looks to me like normal protocol for a MM who tries to work on his marriage. All it does is make him realize who much the OW means to him, and bring him closer to her. Masoshi, enjoy what you have today. Save the sorrows of tomorrow for tomorrow.
SidLyon Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Looks to me like normal protocol for a MM who tries to work on his marriage. All it does is make him realize who much the OW means to him, and bring him closer to her. Masoshi, enjoy what you have today. Save the sorrows of tomorrow for tomorrow. I have to disagree with this. Sometimes it's what it does - sometimes they just work on their marriage. My personal opinion is that it takes a d-day for most MM to work out what they are going do - stay married or leave for the OW. Of course some try to keep on going in the same old way (continue both marriage and affair) and if the OW allows it and wife doesn't know that's what happens. Two dysfunctional relationships go on to fight another (d-) day.
2sunny Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 it may be like this: he HAD to start paying more attention to his wife because she smelled a rat and threatened to leave him. so he told OP to cool it... he had to work on the M. now that OP (OW) realizes she deserves more or wants more of his old behavior and has expressed her need to have more or she's leaving - MM realizes he needs to work hard at his R with OW as well as keeping his M in check - all the while keeping W happy too. me thinks this MM is one tired boy. it takes a ton of effort to put 100% of your energy into two different relationships... always wondering who's going to get mad next and threaten to leave - knowing you have to continue to keep suspicions to a minimum and keep everyone happy. most of all self happy.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 oh oh oh this scares me. im a different person now than i used to be. im fearful that history may repeat itself. please just try to protect your heart. with that being said. during my A i was very very happy. and so the good times are just that...good times. im happy for you that you get the opportunity to feel that warmth and love, even though there is the possibility that it might be short lived. its one of the things i miss most about my xMM. the way it felt when things are good. as long as you have it in you to ride the ups and downs, and youre making a conscious decision to do so, then i would say im happy for you. enjoy the time you have where it seems to be working. im not sure you are ready to get out at the moment. but theres nothing wrong with that. youre just not there yet.
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