Notsogood Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I know it has been asked so many times but how do you know when you are over your ex? I have been broken up with my ex for just over a year now, with NC from two months after the breakup. I had been with her for 5.5 years. I have been through hell and back in the last year but I survived it and feel that I am stronger for it. I am no longer depressed but at the same time, I can't really say that I am happy either. I have been thinking about her more often over the past two months. There was a stage when I could say confidently that I was over her, but these emerging thoughts put doubt in my mind. It may have something to do with the fact that I have decided to move to another country in the next week. I have pretty much accepted that we will never be together again but I think I still long for her. So, am I over her yet? Is what I'm feeling now the "over it" stage? Is it normal to still think about and long for your ex? I've been single since the break up but I do think I am ready to date again other than the fact that she is still in my mind.
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Ironically, you will know when you're over it when you don't think about being over it or not anymore. Be glad you're over the hardest part now. If you feel you're ready to date again, go for it! As long as you're single (after such a long relationship), you'll always think about and long for the time when there's someone there by your side. Good luck!
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 You know, About 6 months into our relationship, more a year ago, my "Pre-"fiancee ^^ told me that she still cared about her EX, father of child, person she has been with for 2 or 3 years. I was...well, it felt like a truck hit me, then i got impaled on the side of the road, and crows poked my eyes out...in other words, it hurt. I thought to myself, god, how could someone still not be over a person. I've done a lot of thinking since then. True, you can no longer be with someone. True you can see them, or not see them and interact with them. I know I don't love my Ex at all. In fact we have a carefully crafted animosity that works well LOL!! But, there are times when I am coaching my kids, I wish that my S/O was with me...but I think about a shame that my marriage hadn't worked out. I don't like my EX at all, and our relationship ending was most definitely the right thing to do, and we have reached detente because of our kids. To me, it is more a regret of poor choices I made, getting into the relationship in the first place. I shouldn't have done it and I knew it, but did it anyway. I think it is normal to think about people you once did care about. I use it as an example of what to do good, and what to do bad in a relationship. Learning from a mistakes that led you to that point. I love my baby now, and am marrying her. She will benefit from the positive and negative experiences I've had in relationships before. It will make ours stronger. Remember for whatever reason you aren't together for a reason. Learn from it, be strong, and find the special person in your life that will make you happy that you can bring the lessons and memories good and bad to, and make that relationship better.
Author Notsogood Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Thanks for the posts guys. I only just started thinking about her again about 2 months ago. Before that, I did occasionally think of her but just of fond memories or something that reminded me of her. Now i've started dreaming of her again! I have not seen or spoken to her in 10-11 months and I've been extremely good with NC (ie. no facebooking etc) so its just come out of nowhere. I'm hoping that it's just me being nervous as I am relocating to another country next week. It's just got me confused now as just when I thought I was over it I get struck down. I don't want any doubt in my mind when I leave the country and I certainly don't want to feel as if I am running away.
Ilovecake Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Indifference. I believe once you feel completely neutral towards them is when you're totally over it. Not everyone gets there though.
Ilovecake Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Thanks for the posts guys. I only just started thinking about her again about 2 months ago. Before that, I did occasionally think of her but just of fond memories or something that reminded me of her. Now i've started dreaming of her again! I have not seen or spoken to her in 10-11 months and I've been extremely good with NC (ie. no facebooking etc) so its just come out of nowhere. I'm hoping that it's just me being nervous as I am relocating to another country next week. It's just got me confused now as just when I thought I was over it I get struck down. I don't want any doubt in my mind when I leave the country and I certainly don't want to feel as if I am running away. You're going through a big change and in order to cope with the stress your brain is seeking out familiar, comforting thoughts, that's why she's back on your mind. You're remembering times when she made you feel safe and content. I think once you settle down a bit you'll get back on track with your healing.
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 As you said you have fought through the hard stuff, running away would be avoiding, you faced it. As Ilovecake said, it is a time of stress, headed into a bit of unknown so it is natural your mind would try to go to the familiar, kind of the devil you know vs the devil you dont. And there is the other part of you that knows taking this step is one more toward completely letting go, and it too is natural that a bit wants to hold on. Though if nothing over the last year has taught you, each one time if feels like a step backwards is really 2 steps forward. Keep the focus on you, that is what matters.
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