BTLC23 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I have been separated from my ex for almost a year now and I have got back as much of myself as possible but still a problem persists. I was 16 when I lost my virginity to a girl and we where FWB with each other. She was 20, 21 in three months. We worked together, and I hung out with her outside of work at her dorm at school and whatnot. At the time I did not find her very attractive, she was heavier and less "done-up" with makeup at the time, so I was not intimated by her like very attractive females. Anyway a few months later we start saying I love you and were official, almost a year before that happens. I am at the best point of my life, senior year of hs, gf who I saw when I wanted to get off, and a full time job so I could buy whatever I wanted, life was great. Then around christmas my grandmother died, I was not that fond of my grandmother but after that I felt different. One night my friends did not pick up my calls and I vowed to never hang out with them again. Anyway, I started hanging out with my ex everyday, everyday she sleeps over, and finally she just stays at my place. She got rid of her apartment and moved in with me, in retrospect I should of moved out cause living at home causes problems. We lived together for a year and a half. We spent everyday together, worked together, and went to the same school but I was undergrad she was grad. She left to go back home, about two hours away.We would visit each other every weekend, but I couldn't take it the separation was hard for me, plus I met another girl at work I liked. I broke up with her but was in constant contact, I tried to like the other girl but she wasn't as good a person as my ex. So two months later I go back and things are great but she goes back to normal bitching at me. At the same time I basically loss my sexual attraction to her I couldnt get it up for her the second time I get an erection after ejeculation and was only 19. I teared up when this happened. She could sense this and plus other reasons made her feelings for me disapear, I am sad that I did this because I was just lazy and really did love her and just needed more time apart. Now she is with another guy like a month after we split. I miss having the warm body to hold, someone always with me. I got used to it as best I can, but I miss that person. Anytime I am out with a female in that position it helps so much. But I told myself to give myself time to be alone first. But the need is so strong to have the love from a relationship that I often scare women away how can this be helped? I guess I just need more experience, she was abusive to me afterall. Thanks!
BiAxident Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 But the need is so strong to have the love from a relationship that I often scare women away how can this be helped? I guess I just need more experience, she was abusive to me afterall. Thanks! First off, let me gently suggest that you try reposting your message in a more organized fashion. It might help you get more responses and thus, more advice. Now, most of us here are familar with the feeling of "needing" the love from a relationship right after we have lost one. However, as you mentioned, you need to give yourself time to be alone, to try and find some balance within yourself. Otherwise, you risk attempting to invest part of yourself within another person only to have it fail, thus placing you right back where you are. If you are able to cultivate balance within yourself, to enjoy your time alone despite the fact that you do not have love within your life, you will become more comfortable and more confident. This, in turn, will help you attract other women into your life when you are ready.
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