Could do with some support

[Alison44]

I'm new here and never thought I would find myself posting in an infidelity forum but here goes.

 

I am single and not having an affair. However about a year ago I met up with an ex boyfriend who is married and has a young daughter. We are still very attracted to each other and ended up sleeping together once. I make no excuses for my terrible behaviour.

 

We haven't seen each other since. He is a family friend so as you can imagine that has been difficult but I haven't gone to any activities where he might be.

 

 

I know he is unhappily married. Not because he told me but because I have known him for twenty years and he is my cousin's best friend. My cousin is his confidant and he has told him that he is really unhappy, that he married because she was pregnant and is drinking heavily.

 

When we met up we talked for a long time as we hadn't seen each other in over ten years. He told me that he drinks because he doesn't want to think about his situation. I told him to stop making excuses. That he was responsible for getting married, that he had made a commitment, had a daughter and should go back to his wife and child. I also advised him to sort out his drinking as it was harmful for him and his family to continue as he is.

 

He told me that he had cheated on his wife before with a work colleague. A one night stand. He hasn't had any type of long term affair.

 

I just don't know what to do - I can't stop thinking about him. I know sleeping with him was wrong and I accept responsibility for my actions. I never thought I would sleep with a married man.

 

I'm worried about what will happen when we meet up again as we are bound to do. We can't avoid each other forever. I sent him an email to see how he was doing - nothing more. Just hi how are you? type of message but he didn't reply (good for him) but the reason I wrote it was to break the ice between us as we are going to see each other sooner or later.

 

It seems as though he took my advice. I heard from my cousin that he had moved and was doing up their new place. So it seems as though they were going for a new start. I should be really pleased and happy for him and I admire how he went back and put in more effort. My cousin doesn't know about us but has said that he is still drinking heavily and seems to be turning into an alcoholic. He also said that he should divorce his wife as their relationship is very bad (he sees them quite often). He says that he is sticking with it for their daughter.

 

We made a mistake and have done everything possible to make things right. (I don't know if he has told his wife about cheating).

 

Then why do I feel so hollow?

Edited June 28, 2010 by Alison44

[jnj express]

Why DON'T YOU HAVE A BF, or someone else that you date. If you are single, there are thousands of guys out there----why are you focusing on this buddy of yours, who is a cheater, an alcoholic, and a total loser.

 

Are you waiting around for him---why think about him at all----You get one try at life on this planet---doesn't sound like you are doing very well thus far, if your whole social life is tied up thinking about this loser, and helping him to cheat on his family.

[Pilona]

Alison,

 

I think the only person who can answer that question is yourself. If you had to dig down deep, why /are/ you obsessing over this man who seems to be such a trainwreck? If you know sleeping was wrong and accept responsibility for your actions then it is time to deal with yourself and look into yourself and wonder, really, what is going on here? It seems to me like you are doing the opposite of that. You are trying to justify your "can't stop thinking about him" with the fact that he has a bad marriage and yada yada. Then you do things to keep contact. Call the email what you will, it WAS an attempt to establish contact and you are already looking forward to more contact. The truth is that there ARE ways to maintain NC (difficult but doable) if you truly want to and truly want to take responsibility for your wrong actions. The rest are just excuses to assuage your guilt. I don't know you and lest the OW jump down my throat, but I would suspect there are some things about your own reality that attract you to this man.

 

Some places to start looking into would be into books like Co-dependency no more and Women ho love too much. But really, I bet that if you sat on your hands for a bit, doodled, journaled some and listened to your true dignified self, you could come up with the reasons why you are attracted to this walking trauma.

[Woman In Blue]

It seems as though he took my advice. I heard from my cousin that he had moved and was doing up their new place. So it seems as though they were going for a new start. I should be really pleased and happy for him and I admire how he went back and put in more effort. My cousin doesn't know about us but has said that he is still drinking heavily and seems to be turning into an alcoholic. He also said that he should divorce his wife as their relationship is very bad (he sees them quite often). He says that he is sticking with it for their daughter.

Well, I can certainly understand your attraction to a cheating, lying, alcoholic who lets everyone know how miserable he is - but he's Father of the Year for staying in that married hell and it's all for the benefit of his sainted child. Gosh, how noble of him.

 

Does his wife know what a complete douche bag he is? Just wondering.

[Alison44]

Why DON'T YOU HAVE A BF, or someone else that you date. If you are single, there are thousands of guys out there----why are you focusing on this buddy of yours, who is a cheater, an alcoholic, and a total loser.

 

Are you waiting around for him---why think about him at all----You get one try at life on this planet---doesn't sound like you are doing very well thus far, if your whole social life is tied up thinking about this loser, and helping him to cheat on his family.

 

My whole social life is not tied up with this "loser" and helping him cheat on his family

 

But you do ask a very good question: why don't I have a boyfriend...I don't know. I haven't met anyone that I want to have a relationship with. I suppose that's why everyone who is single - is single;)

 

I'm not waiting around for him. I am open to dating. I can't see any kind of relationship with him even if he divorces. If he cheats on his wife he will most certainly cheat on me and it seems his way of dealing with life is to bury his head in the sand and drink rather than sort out his problems.

 

And you're right - he is a loser - that's why I dumped him in the first place.

[Alison44]

Alison,

 

I think the only person who can answer that question is yourself. If you had to dig down deep, why /are/ you obsessing over this man who seems to be such a trainwreck? If you know sleeping was wrong and accept responsibility for your actions then it is time to deal with yourself and look into yourself and wonder, really, what is going on here? It seems to me like you are doing the opposite of that. You are trying to justify your "can't stop thinking about him" with the fact that he has a bad marriage and yada yada. Then you do things to keep contact. Call the email what you will, it WAS an attempt to establish contact and you are already looking forward to more contact. The truth is that there ARE ways to maintain NC (difficult but doable) if you truly want to and truly want to take responsibility for your wrong actions. The rest are just excuses to assuage your guilt. I don't know you and lest the OW jump down my throat, but I would suspect there are some things about your own reality that attract you to this man.

 

Some places to start looking into would be into books like Co-dependency no more and Women ho love too much. But really, I bet that if you sat on your hands for a bit, doodled, journaled some and listened to your true dignified self, you could come up with the reasons why you are attracted to this walking trauma.

 

This is the reason I posted this so thank you. I want all the reasons in the world to keep away and not get involved.

 

I have been thinking a lot about why I'm attracted to someone

a) unattainable b) irresponsible c) unable to deal constructively with reality who blames other people for the state of their life and marraige and d) a drunk

 

My conclusion: my father.

 

My dad didn't cheat on my mother with another woman but he cheated on her with alcohol and emotional unavailability. He blamed her for everything and us (his children) for the state of his life. Then he ran off when he was no longer liable for alimony. My dad was a real scumbag. So it's entirely probable that I am attracted to this man because he is reminiscent of my father (though not as bad).

 

It's why I need support dealing with this as it's a very strong need in me pulling me towards him. I don't want to get involved with him.

 

And you are right, I did email him to have some kind of contact but thankfully he didn't reply. I haven't seen or had any contact for a year. I really don't think I can avoid him forever though as, he is my cousin's best friend and will be around sooner or later. I'm not going to my cousin's birthday to avoid him so yes, I am trying here.

 

Thank you for the suggestions regarding co depdendency. I filled out some kind of questionaire online about this and realise that I am prone to codependency as my dad was an alcoholic. I am also doing what I can to combat this through therapy but it's hard.

[Alison44]

Well, I can certainly understand your attraction to a cheating, lying, alcoholic who lets everyone know how miserable he is - but he's Father of the Year for staying in that married hell and it's all for the benefit of his sainted child. Gosh, how noble of him.

 

Does his wife know what a complete douche bag he is? Just wondering.

 

 

Dont' you think I can't see this for myself?

 

As far as I am aware, his wife is on medication for depression so I'm sure she knows what a nice guy he is.

 

I think you should give his some credit for going back and trying again to make it work for the sake of his daughter. He's finally taken responsibility for his decisions and decided to make it work with his wife and family.

 

I don't know if his wife knows he's cheated or not. She obviously knows about the drinking (and drug taking)...

[Pilona]

Do the work. It is difficult but it helps. In my case, I have been doing the work for 10 yrs and thought it was finally done when I met the ex. See, before him, I had 2 abusive relationships. The first lasted too long. The other one, I recognized the pattern quickly and ran the other way. Then this person came and I did everything right. I am not saying that I was perfect but that I tried to take care of myself and my needs in it (a big improvement!) and he still gaslighted me. I call him my final frontier. After what he did, I hope I have learned my lesson and leave those terrible bad patterns behind. Yes, same story, daddy issues, drunk, constantly cheated on mom, abandoned us. But at some point you have to stop making excuses for yourself and do the work and become a better person. Period.

[Alison44]

Do the work. It is difficult but it helps. In my case, I have been doing the work for 10 yrs and thought it was finally done when I met the ex. See, before him, I had 2 abusive relationships. The first lasted too long. The other one, I recognized the pattern quickly and ran the other way. Then this person came and I did everything right. I am not saying that I was perfect but that I tried to take care of myself and my needs in it (a big improvement!) and he still gaslighted me. I call him my final frontier. After what he did, I hope I have learned my lesson and leave those terrible bad patterns behind. Yes, same story, daddy issues, drunk, constantly cheated on mom, abandoned us. But at some point you have to stop making excuses for yourself and do the work and become a better person. Period.

 

I have also been in abusive relationships - I think it's why I tend to focus on people who are unavailable as it means I don't get involved and don't get hurt. I have a pattern of obssessing over unavailable men and they usually stay unavailable and I dont' get into relationships with them. I suppose I don't trust myself enough to choose the right person.

 

Thank you for the advice and yes I have been putting a lot of work into myself. Building up my self esteem and assertiveness and working on my career. I'm finally in a place I want to be and living in a place I love. I'm getting there slowly.

[kuma]

I think you should give his some credit for going back and trying again to make it work for the sake of his daughter. He's finally taken responsibility for his decisions and decided to make it work with his wife and family.

 

You should give his wife some credit, too. After all, she has to deal with him every day for the sake of her daughter.

[jnj express]

Why is it, in the past in the relationships you do have, you end up with abusive losers----are you moving in with these guys early in your relationship------are you allowing them to "take" you early in the relationship----are you subverting your life to theirs

 

Going after unatainable bad boys isn't gonna get you anything, but maybe some physical fulfillment------same with scumbag XBF, who is cheating on his wife-----He gets NO credit for going back for his kid----he has already cheated with who knows how many, and if his wife ever gets the guts to take a stand against him----the child has the most to lose

 

As I said before you get one shot at life----you need to find a nice stable guy to love, and be with, who will cherish you, and take care of you----take your time----make him understand that winning, and keeping you are the right thing to do, don't be such a quick and easy mark (not that you are)

 

Forget your XBF----no matter what his social standing---married, divorced, ----he is a cheating scumbag, and YOU KNOW IT----stay away from him----BUT do not stay away from family functions cuz of him

[2long]

I know he is unhappily married.

 

But this doesn't matter, as it's not your job 2 fix his si2ation.

 

I'm worried about what will happen when we meet up again as we are bound to do. We can't avoid each other forever.

 

Yes you can. And I don't understand why you wouldn't WANT 2 avoid him forever.

 

I sent him an email to see how he was doing - nothing more. Just hi how are you? type of message but he didn't reply (good for him) but the reason I wrote it was to break the ice between us as we are going to see each other sooner or later.

 

There's a simple (but not easy) solution 2 your problem. Tell the wife about your affair. Tell your family that you slept with this family friend and get their help in getting 2 where you will have no contact with him for the rest of your life.

 

It seems as though he took my advice. I heard from my cousin that he had moved and was doing up their new place. So it seems as though they were going for a new start. I should be really pleased and happy for him and I admire how he went back and put in more effort. My cousin doesn't know about us but has said that he is still drinking heavily and seems to be turning into an alcoholic. He also said that he should divorce his wife as their relationship is very bad (he sees them quite often). He says that he is sticking with it for their daughter.

 

Tell your cousin about the affair and ask him 2 stop telling you how the OM is doing. Make it none of your business.

 

We made a mistake and have done everything possible to make things right. (I don't know if he has told his wife about cheating).

 

Then why do I feel so hollow?

 

Because you haven't done everything possible yet. Tell his wife about the cheating. If you were in that position (you may be, someday) would you want people 2 keep this kind of secret from you? Or would you rather know what's going on in your life so you can make your own decisions about what you want 2 do about it?

 

-ol' 2long

[Alison44]

I took a break from here in order to reasess my situation in light of what everyone has posted. I realise this is a sensitive issue and want to thank everyone who took the time to post.

 

To be absolutely honest, when I first posted I was very conflicted about my feelings but now feel surer about my path and where I'm headed.

 

I will endevour to keep away from him by all means possible.

 

I will also wake the hell up and see this man for what he is not what I want him to be.

 

I also take responsibility more so, for my actions as I excused my behaviour because I thought he didn't love his wife and was unhappy but I realise that there is no excuse for my behaviour. I'm not going to dwell on it anymore as I have punished myself enough.

 

I am not going to tell him wife. I do not want anything to do with a family splitting up (I think I've done enough harm). It's up to him what he decides to do regarding his own behaviour. I am responsible for my own.

 

After posting here I joined a dating site and have been actively looking for date in order to move on and get on with my life. I also saw how I was selling myself short. Very short.

 

Going down that road would compromise my integrity and sense of self and I've been through enough.

 

Thank you all:)

[Joe Normal]

You did the wrong thing in my opinion. You should have told him his marriage is a joke, his wife is totally unsuited to him, but you will *not* indulge in an affair, and that he should therefore get divorced and then if he wants to start things with you, do it once he is a single man.

 

If someone is long-term unhappily married then the best things is for the marriage to end. You only live once, and mutual torture for no benefit is a waste of a life. Both for him and his wife it would be better if they split up and then they can find someone else who loves them genuinely.

 

You passed up your chance IMO, and encouraged him to *fake* happiness with someone who can never make him happy (and vice versa). That was bad advice.

 

I would recommend you think long and hard about this - does he actually want to be serious with you, or are you just interesting by comparison to his horrible marriage? If it's the former then it might be worth saying you are waiting in the wings but *only* if he gets divorced first, within a reasonable timescale, and is 100% serious about being with you.

[Alison44]

You did the wrong thing in my opinion. You should have told him his marriage is a joke, his wife is totally unsuited to him, but you will *not* indulge in an affair, and that he should therefore get divorced and then if he wants to start things with you, do it once he is a single man.

 

If someone is long-term unhappily married then the best things is for the marriage to end. You only live once, and mutual torture for no benefit is a waste of a life. Both for him and his wife it would be better if they split up and then they can find someone else who loves them genuinely.

 

You passed up your chance IMO, and encouraged him to *fake* happiness with someone who can never make him happy (and vice versa). That was bad advice.

 

I would recommend you think long and hard about this - does he actually want to be serious with you, or are you just interesting by comparison to his horrible marriage? If it's the former then it might be worth saying you are waiting in the wings but *only* if he gets divorced first, within a reasonable timescale, and is 100% serious about being with you.

 

Thank you for posting this. It's now four years since I last saw him and the incident happened. He has left his wife, sees his daughter (she's now 15) every weekend and has started in a new career. He has also cut down a lot on his drinking and seems as though he's turned his life around.

 

I have kept away from him but realise I still have feelings for him so you were right in a sense. However, I think he had to do this for himself if you know what I mean rather than because I was 'waiting in the wings' otherwise it may have been more escapism.

 

In the meantime I have been to therapy, read all the books recommended on co dependency etc and worked really hard on establishing my career. I have dated but not found anyone I wanted a ltr with. Although he and his wife have been separated for over two years I am not sure if they are divorced. He has his own place and has given her a lot of money in some kind of settlement though (not sure what that involves).

 

I'm really busy now, managed to get a scholarship to do an LLM and have two jobs. I think he's also busy establishing himself in his new career. If we see each other in the future who knows what will happen - funny how things work out

[painfullyobvious]

The reason that I you may feel hollow is guilt for what you did. You knew he was married and slept with him anyway. I am not judging but this may be why you are feeling hollow. In your post you discuss responsibility and knowing it was wrong. People form attachments when they sleep together and perhaps you are hollow because he slept with you and now appears not wanting anything to do with you as indicated by his refusal to respond to your e-mail.

 

 

I think your attempt to break the ice as you put it may have reminded him of his mistake of sleeping with you. What you have between the two of you is a one night stand that it appears both of you regret. You seem interested in rekindling the relationship in some manner. Let this go. If you find it difficult to remain free of contact you may need to spend some time on the OW/OM forum. Read there stories and learn from them and walk away now. If you bump into this person at family or social circles just stay away from him. I think you are more connected to him then you realize. Stop trying to find information about him through your cousin.

 

 

I am not sure what you know about your fling but he may have confessed to his wife or is trying to move on from the one night stand. The two of you together in any setting could be detrimental to both of you. Just avoid him at all costs and learn from this.

[Alison44]

The reason that I you may feel hollow is guilt for what you did. You knew he was married and slept with him anyway. I am not judging but this may be why you are feeling hollow. In your post you discuss responsibility and knowing it was wrong. People form attachments when they sleep together and perhaps you are hollow because he slept with you and now appears not wanting anything to do with you as indicated by his refusal to respond to your e-mail.

 

 

I think your attempt to break the ice as you put it may have reminded him of his mistake of sleeping with you. What you have between the two of you is a one night stand that it appears both of you regret. You seem interested in rekindling the relationship in some manner. Let this go. If you find it difficult to remain free of contact you may need to spend some time on the OW/OM forum. Read there stories and learn from them and walk away now. If you bump into this person at family or social circles just stay away from him. I think you are more connected to him then you realize. Stop trying to find information about him through your cousin.

 

 

I am not sure what you know about your fling but he may have confessed to his wife or is trying to move on from the one night stand. The two of you together in any setting could be detrimental to both of you. Just avoid him at all costs and learn from this.

 

omg. This happened four years ago. You say: I am not judging but well actually you are judging.

 

In my original post I said that a) We have had absolutely no contact since this happened b) We did not have a fling we had one night stand c) I am not nor have I ever tried to find out any information about him.

 

In your haste to judge and jump up and down all over people who are vulnerable due to what is going on in their lives, you are blinded to what they actually write.

 

He has since left his wife and is living alone and I have not had any contact with him.

 

It is not for you to judge whether or not we would be detrimental together.

 

I have no idea whether or not he told his wife but since he left her over two years ago they are certainly not attempting to get over the one night stand. He is now single and living by himself. His divorce has probably come through by now.

 

Since we are both single, what we choose to do is no one else's business.

 

Enjoy your view from those sanctimonious heights.

[tiredofitall2]

LOL, what you did was wrong, but what happens to both of you if you decide to pursue a R will not be impacted by that ONS 4 years ago. You were both wrong to do what you did, but we have all made mistakes and you are right about judgement being past here in this forum, but remember. There are many betrayed spouses here that cringe at the presence of a OM/OW.

 

If you think this man is a good man go for it, but keep in mind that he did cheat on his W. No matter what the circumstances, he's certainly capable of it.

[Alison44]

LOL, what you did was wrong, but what happens to both of you if you decide to pursue a R will not be impacted by that ONS 4 years ago. You were both wrong to do what you did, but we have all made mistakes and you are right about judgement being past here in this forum, but remember. There are many betrayed spouses here that cringe at the presence of a OM/OW.

 

If you think this man is a good man go for it, but keep in mind that he did cheat on his W. No matter what the circumstances, he's certainly capable of it.

 

Having been cheated on myself and that being one of the lowest points of my life I can fully understand why a post by someone who has slept with a married man would trigger all sorts of spiteful responses which my post originally provoked.

 

What we have to remember before we seize a knife to plunge it into the offender is that there is a human being writing the post. It was totally out of character for me to do what I did and it was during a very vulnerable period of my life which I am not going to go into here nor use it as an excuse for the inexcusable.

 

What I did was wrong. End of.

 

I am still conflicted about this man and am not sure whether or not to get in contact. My thoughts are what you point out, someone who cheated on his wife and chose to drink to escape his situation has deep issues. He eventually did the right thing but unless he has been into therapy will probably do the same given the same circumstances.

[tiredofitall2]

Just weigh out the positives vs the negatives. He drinks and has cheated. He must have a lot of positives to weight those out, really! If you are not invested emotionally why risk being hurt? Unless you are 100% certain that he is a changed man. You can probably do better. If not better, at least someone who won't do the things he has done in the past. Remember that 2nd marriages have a 75% failure rate. It's his second marriage....

[Alison44]

Just weigh out the positives vs the negatives. He drinks and has cheated. He must have a lot of positives to weight those out, really! If you are not invested emotionally why risk being hurt? Unless you are 100% certain that he is a changed man. You can probably do better. If not better, at least someone who won't do the things he has done in the past. Remember that 2nd marriages have a 75% failure rate. It's his second marriage....

 

Thanks for your response. I doubt I'm going find someone who doesn't sink when they walk on water, especially not at my age. I think we are jumping the gun here when talking about marriage as I'm merely contemplating having some kind of contact, not running up a wedding dress!

 

Everyone I know drinks, including myself. I drink alcohol now and again. He has cut down on his drinking substantially since leaving his wife. I don't know if he was an alcoholic. If he was an alcoholic or still is, I wouldn't touch him with a barge poll.

 

I'm not sure where you got your stats on second marriages but this information contradicts it:

 

"The Marriage Foundation think-tank has produced a report revealing that second marriages are more stable than first marriages, challenging the widely held belief that couples who remarry are doomed to repeat the mistakes from their first marriage.

 

Almost half – 45 per cent – of all couples who marry for the first time in 2013 will divorce during their lifetime. However, divorced couples who marry for the second time have only a 31% chance of their marriage ending in divorce, according to Harry Benson, Communications Director at The Marriage Foundation and author of the report.

Commenting on the findings, Mr Benson said: “Second marriages are generally more successful than first marriages because couples who get married for the second time are invariably older than those marrying for the first time.” "

Second marriages are less likely to end in divorce than first

 

I've never married and would like to get married so for me I would be marrying for the first time. I have no idea whatsoever if I want to marry this man. We have not spoken for four years and have had limited contact (we've met twice) in 15 years.

 

I find him incredibly attractive, intelligent, generous and very funny. We split up when we first started seeing each other approx 15 years ago because of his lacksidasical attitude.

 

If he has learned absolutely nothing from his disastrous marriage then I can only imagine he was whittled by Geppetto.

 

If he was still with his wife, living a lie, pouring alcohol down his throat at every opportunity and doing the same job he's done since leaving university then I wouldn't contemplate contact.

 

However, he's left his wife, got his own place, has regular contact with his daughter and cut down on his alcohol intake. He has also changed careers and is doing something he is passionate about.

 

The negative is that I don't know if he would cheat should he find himself in a difficult situation.

[tiredofitall2]

Actually D is about 67% for second marriages. 75% D rate on marriages coming from an affair. Not your case though.

 

Hey, nothing holding you back, go for it. Is he your FB friend?

 

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? Theories abound. One common explanation is that a significant number of people enter a second or marriage 'on the rebound' of a first or second divorce. Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again. They enter their next marriage for the wrong reasons, not having internalized the lessons of their past experience. They are liable to repeat their mistakes, making them susceptible to similar conflicts and another broken marriage follows.

[Alison44]

Actually D is about 67% for second marriages. 75% D rate on marriages coming from an affair. Not your case though.

 

Hey, nothing holding you back, go for it. Is he your FB friend?

 

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? Theories abound. One common explanation is that a significant number of people enter a second or marriage 'on the rebound' of a first or second divorce. Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again. They enter their next marriage for the wrong reasons, not having internalized the lessons of their past experience. They are liable to repeat their mistakes, making them susceptible to similar conflicts and another broken marriage follows.

 

I'm not sure how far we can go when throwing statistics at each other. I'm from the UK not the US so the above would not apply to me. I posted a report from the UK Marriage Foundation based on research carried out in Britain.

 

The Office for National Statistics does not have the divorce rate for second marriages or those statistics. It makes sense to me that the older you are upon marriage the less likely you are to divorce.

 

I've never had an affair so no, that 75% divorce rate (I imagine it's higher) wouldn't apply to me. I've never married so second marriage stats wouldn't apply and marriage/divorce is cultural.

 

No we're not on FB, I don't do FB and I doubt he does either. I have avoided all meetings and the only reason I know he's left his wife is because my cousin came over and told me (we obviously talked about other stuff) about three months ago. Otherwise I wouldn't have known. She also invited me over to his place but I refused to go as I thought that if he wanted to see me, he would have.

 

I can only assume he doesn't want to see me. What I won't do in future is avoid him which I have done so far as I didn't want to get sucked back in. I'll see how it goes.

 

Tack