BeagleGal Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 ...BUT I know its necessary. Or at least I think I do. I say this because its been 10 days since I last contacted/heard from my ex and its driving me insane. And it shouldn't especially because he's a douche. Here's what I am coping with: Dated him for 2 years, lived with him for one. Everything was great between us and I felt so lucky and so blessed to have him in my life. He has a son from a previous relationship and when he moved in with us, it was a tough adjustment but we adjusted and we were our own little family. 3 months ago he dumps me. At the time, I wasnt sure why. Before the breakup when he started acting distant, I of course, questioned him about it. He told me he was having issues and was having a hard time adjusting to the past year's changes (me moving in, son moving in, new job). I believed him. I mean, why wouldn't I - I didn't really have any cause for concern. So he breaks up with me, I'm devastated and the next day, he sends me an ad for an apt. Nice, eh? Anyways, I was still livng at the house for 2 weeks until Apr 1 when HE gave me the Apr 1 deadline to move out. On that day, I get a text from a coworker telling me she's found out why he's really left and it was because he was cheating and basically left me for her (my ex, me, coworker all work for same company). I can't describe to you how f'n gutted I was. I had asked my ex repeatedly if anyone else was involved and he kept telling me no. And also kept telling me that he loved me, loved our relationship and his issues had nothing to do with me, it was everything else. Yeah right. I text him telling him that I know the truth and just gave it to him. He denied it of course and tried to minimize his damage. Let me also mention that when I moved out, I had no apt. The apt I applied for had not yet been approved or ready for me to move in and when I asked if I could at least leave my stuff til it was ready and just stay elsewhere, I got a big fat NO. After finding out the news of him cheating/leaving me for OW/his ******* behavior towards me, I cut contact. He had the nerve to text me on my bday a couple of weeks later. I didnt respond. I cut contact at the end of April when I found out from same coworker that the OW is pregnant, they're engaged and getting married end of July. I again, cannot describe to you the feeling of devastation, sadness, anger, etc. I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe he'd done all that and while with me. He lied to me and said no one else was involved and even when I confronted him about that, he kept telling me that nothing happened while with me. I was stunned. It was like someone took a cleaver and just ripped my beating heart right out of my body. It all made sense now why he was the way he was shortly before we broke up and why he got rid of me so fast. Mid-May he starts texting me, and foolishly I started to respond. I've not seen him since I left the house and he's asked twice to meet for drinks, which I squashed. But I allowed myself to go back to what we used to do which was text each other while we were apart. And now not hearing from in 10 days is bothering me??? Like honestly? Am i that low on self-esteem that I want this man's attention? The answer has gotta be yes. I'm in therapy, I got a good network of family and friends but the constant thinking, overanalyzing and just obsessing over this is driving me nuts. I'm wasting precious energy on a man whose a deceitful, cheating, manipulating liar! I read on sites like this that NC is the way to go and I'm sure people are right. How do I get my thick head to get it?
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I didn't think NC was the way to go either, but it is. If you go NC you can heal. As long as you stay in touch with him in some way shape or form, you will continue to hurt. I broke no contact after a month and it set me back a month. I know we all have our issues and baggage, but the way he deceived you is awful.
skydiveaddict Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 stay strong Beagle and dont contact him. I know it hurts but its the quickest way to heal
Author BeagleGal Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 AlwaysConflicted: You're right, I know you're right. What is it that pulls us back to them or want to be acknowledged by them? I've never been in this situation before so its all foreign to me. I've always been in control of the relationships I've been in or at least in control of me, my emotions and this time with this guy, its like I was so swept off my feet and just so enamoured that I dont know what the hell happened. Augh. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be so freakin' deceitful. So experiencing it first hand was just traumatizing. His own friend, whose also a friend of mine told me I am better off and that he would have done this to me eventually. But still... its really really tough. SkyDiveAddict: I'm trying to believe in my heart of hearts that going NC is the best way to heal. I hate that I want his attention and moreso that I'm thinking of excuses to contact him. I'm going to do my very very best not to pick up that phone and text. YYY2010: HA! I can't tell you how many times I've said that...
Author BeagleGal Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Y: Oh no - I am not "X". i assume thats "her".... Yeah its day 12 of NC and my urge to contact wasn't so bad as yesterday or Sunday. So I am still going strong and I hope that i can maintain it for even longer... ...but yeah, there is NOTHING fun about it... one of the toughest things I've done.
Recommended Posts