spriggig Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 So, I have a (lesbian) friend who is also going through a breakup. She says they fought about housework all the time--she felt like she did it all and her wife did not nearly enough and also got after their son for not cleaning up after himself--hypocritical. I told her since my wife left the house, I've been doing exactly 100% of the housework around here. And I said, it's not about housework, it's about respect and learning how each other wants respect to be shown. AND learning about how the other BELIEVES they are already showing respect. So, maybe sharing housework IS one way respect will end up being shown, but that needs to be explicitly understood on both sides. Fighting about housework won't deal with the underlying problem of perceived lack of respect. Anyone know how to reduce lint? My shirts were never this lint-y when she did the laundry, now I have to brush them off every time I wash. I've almost given up on my black tees.
sb129 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Wash your black Ts alone with other dark items and use a dark wash liquid. Clean the lint filter before you use the drier.
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Dryer sheets help too. The 10 days or so I was out of the house it turned into a sty, I asked my husband if it made him appreciate what I did- he said it made him appreciate his father (a single dad- but had a filthy house). I didn't mind my husband never cleaning, I just hated how he didn't respect all the work I put into the house. My sons bike is sitting in our living room right now, there are tools in the dining room- I don't care anytmore since we are eventually going to separate- but before it drove me insane. I look forward to not having to clean up after him anymore. Neat freaks shouldn't live with sobs (unless they are your kids) lol.
Author spriggig Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 ...I just hated how he didn't respect all the work I put into the house. How do you know he didn't respect it? What should he have done or said that he didn't? Ideally, I'll discuss this with my next wife, but it doesn't hurt to get some other opinions.
Author spriggig Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 That should read SLOB but SOB works too lol. Oh LOL! Thanks.
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 How do you know he didn't respect it? What should he have done or said that he didn't? Ideally, I'll discuss this with my next wife, but it doesn't hurt to get some other opinions. Oh I knew he didn't respect me/it because he would come home and make a mess or leave his "projects" around and never pick them up. I tried asking nicely but after a while a husband can become like another child and that hurts the marriage. just remember a place for everything and everything in its place and you should be fine.
Author spriggig Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Oh I knew he didn't respect me/it because he would come home and make a mess or leave his "projects" around and never pick them up. I tried asking nicely but after a while a husband can become like another child and that hurts the marriage. just remember a place for everything and everything in its place and you should be fine. So, get this, my STBX is a slob and I'm not much better. We both knew this going in. One of the things she said to me during one of the "talks" was that she stopped taking care of the house to piss me off so I'd leave. I didn't even notice.
Gunny376 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 You know what? At best since I smoke cigarettes and drinking way to much more Canadian Whiskey than I should? I've got at least another twenty ~ thirty years left? That is if I quit smoking and quit drinking Canadian Whiskey. Your best bet is to get you Happy @zz busy living your life for yourself, taking responsiblity for your own personal happiness, self satisfaction and just telling the world in general to kiss your ever loving @zz!
2ndthymearound Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Ok, I have my 2 cents to put in about housework. I grew up in a messy house, my mom is actually a hoarder now. My husband grew up w a mom that's a germ freak. My ex-husband complained constantly about me being messy. I was so surprised that my current husband never had a problem w it. I found out after 9 years that he does have a problem with it! I was so upset because he never told me. He said that he never told me because he knew that my ex always complained about it. It's really hard to change that behavior and any kind of change in the right direction should be recognized. We all have something that we need to work on and this is mine. I wish that I was a clean freak, but I'm not. It's something that I have to work at everyday. My husband says that he does see a change. I am the one still living in our house and I see now just how much he did. I have been taking the trash out and doing pretty much all of the housework. My bottom line is don't take your spouse for granted. Just because they are the ones who always take out the trash, clean the litter box, doesn't mean that you never have toi do it. On the other hand, if you know someone is trying to work on something give them a break and know that they are going to mess up a lot here and there. Change is going to take time.
Recommended Posts