melodymatters Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 (edited) Gee Jumbo, it seems that you could write your masters thesis on this topic ! May I ask you your " specs" and how your philosophy has worked for you so far ? Edited June 30, 2010 by melodymatters
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 gee jumbo, it seems that you could write your masters thesis on this topic ! May i ask you your " specs" and how your philosophy has worked for you so far ? Yes please, this.
Shakz Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 Well, after reading it all I've decided to change my mind and that from now on every woman I bed has to pay upfront and and not just leave it on the dresser.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Ha ha. Actually the funniest or most ironic part of this whole thread is that at no point did OP ever discuss her "date" in terms of anything other than whether or not he would pay for her entertainment. It sounds like he never even got to first base. He cut his losses, good for him. Mature. I'm sure your wife would be so proud.
Mimolicious Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I'm married now and happily so but when I was dating I was generally able to make it past the first date. Unlike OP. Any other questions, honey? What do you get out of saying "unlike OP"? Was that revelant to this topic? You actually make zippo sence on this reply. The OP got asked fofor a second date. So what's your point?
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 No there was no goodnight kiss. I'm not a big fan of them with someone I've just met. I'm weird like that. But I actually did really like him. He was the first guy I've been on a date with in a long time that I felt some chemistry with. So I honestly don't think this is a matter of my interest or sincerity. I think you may be giving this guy too much credit in saying he was basically testing me to see if I would pay. He agreed that he had read me all wrong and insisted that he really did not want money for the tickets. And I still don't understand how you would have liked me to tell him that I wanted him to pay for my dinner. I hadn't even really been thinking about it until he grabbed the bill and then the whole awkwardness started. And the awkwardness is the REAL issue here. There's so much talking on his part about what he's trying to do...trying to be generous, trying to be romantic. Rather than just being those things. I think this guy is an overthinker, overanalyzer and says things and then regrets saying them. And if I failed the test and he has written me off...whyyyyy has he called/texted me all day telling me he wishes he could take back everything he said and that his emotions get the best of him sometimes and he has a record of messing things up and he hates that he messed it up with me. So much talking on his part lol.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 What do you get out of saying "unlike OP"? Was that revelant to this topic? You actually make zippo sence on this reply. The OP got asked fofor a second date. So what's your point? I've had my share of long term relationships so it's not like I'm weird and can't get a second date...and yes, he did ask me on a second date. But jimbos comment was just a little dig at me...I can take it.
A O Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 He's simply being straight forward and honest. Your concerns have been all about "who pays" and how he's supposedly mishandled that. There's really nothing about any other aspect of this man that you like about him. It's all about your expectations about him paying for your dates and his ineptitude in rising to those expectations. He's clearly not your ideal man and he's sensed that. He's sensed that the prime measurement that you're judging him on--the rather trivial issue of him paying for your dates--is something that he's been failing at. Even though he's completely correct in his guesswork, you're criticizing him for realizing that he's failing with you. I don't think you're being fair. He is failing, as far as you're concerned. Fantastic summation jumboyojimbo. Haven't had time to do anything but skim the rest, so I'll just comment on this one specifically for now. Brilliant. As for the OP - I suggest that you dump this guy, if you haven't already. As per usual, this is a compatibility issue and you're the type who prefers that guys pay - no questions asked! Those who fail to do this open themselves up to all manner of assumption. No one needs that. Simple fact of the matter is that there's no shortage of guys who'll pay without question. That's your market. Seek it out, its easy to find and stick to. .
Author IceIceBaby Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 jumboyojimbo - So much writing, I honestly can't even read it all. But thanks for the input. Here's to hoping I get wherever "there" is lol. Thanks to everyone for your input!
Shakz Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I don't think he's a mean guy and the comment about the cost didn't really seem too whiny. More than anything, this is all just coming off as really awkward to me. IIB, are you amazed at all the interest this has generated? Two massive threads over something you already have a good handle on? Amazes me.
Author IceIceBaby Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 (edited) Yes! This thread has definitely taken on a life of its own. As you have so kindly pointed out, my main issue was the awkwardness he created. Yet some people seem to think they have me and the situation completely figured out...that being I'm apparently a gold digger, bad communicator and bad at dating. Oh and apparently it's really bad that I'm on here asking advice and I should figure it out for myself. But that just goes for me...not anyone else on this board hahaha. Most people have been great and given some great insight but no one really needs every line they say broken down and critiqued. As you said I think I have a good handle on the situation. I was just looking for opinions on what I was thinking. Edited July 1, 2010 by IceIceBaby
Art_Critic Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 that being I'm apparently a gold digger, bad communicator and bad at dating. Oh and apparently it's really bad that I'm on here asking advice and I should figure it out for myself. IIB.. don't let someone trolling for a debate on a thread when there isn't one ruin your stay here.. From what you have posted you are not a gold digger or bad at dating or bad at communication.. and asking for advice on LS is quite alright in my book and I hope you continue to post...
Mimolicious Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 I second AC. I don't know who exactly made Jumbo boy God or the LS nazi, to tell anyone what to post on these boards. The nerves.... sure has a lot to say and tons of type to type. Jeez!
Author IceIceBaby Posted July 1, 2010 Author Posted July 1, 2010 Nah I won't be that easily scared away. Everyone else was really great with their responses. I'll stick around...especially since I've now made myself famous with my "who should pay" threads.
A O Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 As far as I can tell the OP never CLEARLY communicated her expectations: When a man asks the woman out, the man pays for everything, and is not even supposed to ask for a contribution. I don't know if anybody ever clearly communicates their expectations. After all, that's why they're called expectations because you really do think they're going to happen - without any need for prompting. However her issues about this must have been conveyed somehow, so the guy now has let her know he doesn't think he's the right guy for her. Meaning that he doesn't want to pay for her. Yes. It's as easy to pick up the 'I expect you to pay' vibe as it is to pick up the 'I think he's a cheapskate' vibe. Yet OP now criticized him for acknowledging what she has been complaining about in the thread, that she doesn't think this guy is right for her because he won't pay for their dates. Funny, when put like that. His underhanded passive-aggressive way of asking for money is really creepy. Major turn off for me. I'd cancel the date, personally. How is it passive-aggressive? He asked for money. If she doesn't want to go dutch, all she had to do was to SAY that. She could have said that on the very first date, but she didn't. I don't see any passive aggressive behavior from the guy, I do see some from the OP however. Great point. As far as the canceling of the date goes, he's already pretty much done that, but in a nice way, by saying he doesn't think he's right for her. That puts the ball in HER court. All she has to do now is say "You know what? You're right. Have a nice life." True again. But you see the OP wants the guy to pay her way on these dates, but she does not want to come straight out and SAY that to him. It's obvious why not--because then she'll be perceived, rightly or wrongly, as only being interested in dating him because he's paying her way. As mentioned earlier...its more of an expectation rather than perception thang. I doubt if the latter even enters the minds of those whom expect their dates to be paid for. Then they could perhaps actually have real communication. The end all and be all. If one's expectations aren't been met then simply talk about it, thrash things out, see if there's some possibly middle ground or not. Otherwise, move on. .
mortensorchid Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 He sounds like a cheapskate. He shouldn't care what the cost of anything is, he should be happy to just be with you no matter what you do. If it really is an issue with him, then you could offer to do low cost things. Yet, if he keeps up at it, which he seems to be doing, you should just reconsider the whole situation and not be with him.
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