mem11363 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Being bitchy will put decent guys off. Though to be fair - this guy isn't decent. The correct response to "the tickets were expensive" is: "Why are you telling me that?" If he says "well I just wanted you to know" - I would ask "when you give holiday gifts do you leave the price tag on?" This isn't bitchy - it is a fair question. Because a gift is a gift is a gift. If he asks YOU on a date he takes the burden of paying UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO CHIP IN. He seems very manipulative. If the tickets seem expensive to him - he should ask you to do something less expensive. I'm actually not that sweet, I just think my manners get in the way. Sometimes I think I need to be b*itchier or more demanding at the beginning of relationships.
JohnnyDrama Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 To move the conversation in a different direction to any females out there if a guy took you to a baseball game does the price of the tickets even matter or is it the thought he wanted to take you somewhere that you wanted to takes precedence over the price. By no means am I saying to get nose bleeds and pay a dollar to see the game but it doesn't make much sense to buy the $100 seats either.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 You said while you want a man to treat you, you feel guilty about it. Your manners take over and you end up paying a lot anyway. Even though deep down it's not really something you want to do. This guy says he misread you. Any possibility that you've led him to misread you? You obviously have mixed feelings about the whole money issue yourself (and had them prior to coming into this) so it's a possibility. Perhaps you didn't say it in direct words, but even saying things such as being independent and taking care of yourself could lead a guy to wonder what you're most comfortable with these days. From what's been said in this post and the first, I honestly believe he was just trying to do whatever made YOU the most comfortable. You missed that opportunity twice now by being afraid to tell him what you want (I think because you think wanting it is wrong somehow). You're going to have to solve your internal battle here first. The first thread on this I thought the guy was cautious due to his past experiences. Now from this one, I'm thinking it's more related to your interaction or things he got from conversations with you. I thought too that it was tacky that he'd mention the high cost of the tickets, but you later clarified that he wasn't complaining about it. It was more of an offhanded remark. I wish you would explain that more so people would stop hammering on that and concluding he's cheap because of it. I'm glad you finally laid it all out for him and he understands what you want. I honestly believe it was miscommunication and you should enjoy your date with him and see how this goes. Stop second guessing it. Enjoy it. I thought about that...if I gave off some sort of vibe. But I can honestly say I didn't. Our first date was just normal casual talk. And when the bill came, I didn't reach for it. He grabbed it. I can't honestly say I thought I said something that would make him think I would be more comfortable with paying. As for the price of the tickets, he was explaining to me that he got a discount because of where he works. Then he said that he still paid a good amount for them. So now looking back on it, it does seem like he was saying it to let me know that even with the discount, he still spent some money. It didn't seem whiny to me...just strange. And it's more about the fact that that comment then led to the whole "you seem independent blah blah blah".
D-Lish Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 To move the conversation in a different direction to any females out there if a guy took you to a baseball game does the price of the tickets even matter or is it the thought he wanted to take you somewhere that you wanted to takes precedence over the price. By no means am I saying to get nose bleeds and pay a dollar to see the game but it doesn't make much sense to buy the $100 seats either. The price of the tickets would have no meaning- it's the thought that counts. I can't get over how he threw the price of the tickets into the mix. If a guy invited me somewhere and threw in this comment, it would make me feel guilty- and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the date. I don't buy the crap that he thinks you're an independant woman, which is why he asked about splitting the bill. It's not about going dutch on the date- that is fine! It's how he broached it, he didn't give you a real option. You couldn't have answered any other way without looking like a huge bitch. Imagine if you'd said- "no- you pay..." This guy is always going to make money an issue. Telling you the tickets are expensive is tantamount to saying- "you owe me".
harmfulsweetz Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 The price of the tickets would have no meaning- it's the thought that counts. I can't get over how he threw the price of the tickets into the mix. If a guy invited me somewhere and threw in this comment, it would make me feel guilty- and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the date. I don't buy the crap that he thinks you're an independant woman, which is why he asked about splitting the bill. It's not about going dutch on the date- that is fine! It's how he broached it, he didn't give you a real option. You couldn't have answered any other way without looking like a huge bitch. Imagine if you'd said- "no- you pay..." This guy is always going to make money an issue. Telling you the tickets are expensive is tantamount to saying- "you owe me". Agreed. I'm all for going dutch if that is how YOU want to play it, but only when I offer. I mean, if he asks, you have to say yes right? He chose to take you to the game, if that is out of his budget, he should choose somewhere in his budget. I can't imagine dating a guy like this who feels the need to drop in comments about how much a nice gesture costs, if it's so important-why didn't he ask you to buy your own ticket and he buy his? I wouldn't want to date a guy who felt the need to guilt trip me.
Bangle Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Who takes someone to a game on a date? How boring, my ideal date would be Salsa Dancing so I can get up close and personal, either that or paintballing, I like a woman who can get down and dirty.
Diezel Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Who takes someone to a game on a date? I do, and the fact that I'm not single, means that it probably worked out okay. We've been to baseball games, basketball games, and football games. And it was far from boring, it was definitely an experience to see those games live.
Bangle Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I'd never go to a Hertha Berlin match with a woman, I'd have to mind my language, no thanks!
donnamaybe Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 As for the price of the tickets, he was explaining to me that he got a discount because of where he works. Then he said that he still paid a good amount for them. Like I and a couple others have pointed out, the first few dates can be kinda nervewracking. People don't know each other, and SOME gals are very touchy about the "who pays" issue; some wanting to be treated like a princess, while others NOT wanting to be treated like helpless victims of circumstance. As for mentioning the price, once he'd said he got the tickets for a discount, maybe he realized that sounded cheap and he wanted to get across that he's not a cheapskate. I don't know what the big deal is. It's not like you found a shovel, some ropes, and a bottle of ether in the trunk of his car. lol There would be no harm in dating him a time or two and REALLY finding out what he's about - that is, IF you are interested otherwise, aside from this one issue.
cdubs32 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I've got news for you: you're probably going to hurt a woman or two (if you haven't already), intentionally or not, and contribute to her negative experiences with men. It's just part of being human. I believe that very few of my past negative experiences with men were intentional on anyone's part. We just screwed up because we're human. Women experience pain at the hands of men, and men experience pain at the hands of women. We all get hurt. To seek out only people who have never been hurt is to seek out partners who are inexperienced and less mature. It's the pain of life that toughens you up and teaches you how to deal with catastrophes. No one is immune to the pain of life. That's a good point, but I've always gone out of my way to make an effort to make any break up as least painful as possible for the women I end it with. I've been friends with every girl I've dated that I broke it off with for a good year or so after the break up. So sure, maybe they were hurt or disappointed that I ended it, but I didn't just completely ignore them, abuse them, treat them like dirt or anything like that. I followed the golden rule when I ended it with them and I'm sure these women would testify that I did it as admirably as possible. As for being immune to the pain of life: Ha, can't be burned by the fire if you don't go near it.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Look around, how many women who are actively dating in this age group AREN'T how I described? Why are men in this age group going after 25 year old women on online dating sites if there's so many great women of their own age and maturity level?...because it's sad to say: there aren't many It's really sad, and I'm already running into these types of women at my age level (late 20's). Women have been treated poorly by previous guys, they assume they're all dicks, they have high standards in place that normal decent men can't live up to because the women are protecting themselves to try and avoid the "*******" that's been torturing them emotionally the last 10 years of their dating life. It's really sad, but doesn't mean it's not true. I've done a lot of dating, I see this everywhere. That's why the OP should stay sweet and undamaged, it'll make her more desireable by decent men. Okay this just irritates me to no end. Why do you think it is only older WOMEN who are like this?? Are you saying that men who are past 35 and have been married/divorced and through different relationships are not bitter?? Oh really! Well take it from a 44 year old woman..yes the hell they are!! A lot of men my age have been married, and divorced. And now they hate all women, scream that they will NEVER let another woman tie them down, that all women are this and that..etc. It goes both ways, sweetheart. You are only telling it from the man's point of view because you ARE one. And you guys chase after 25 yr old women ALSO because y'all just have that" I want a young chick" thing going on. I think that starts as soon as you guys hit 30 yrs old. Lots of men are like that even if they have been with the nicest older women in the world. Plus, men think they can control younger women more easily. Who you kidding. Again, stop acting like only older women are bitter, etc etc. I can find tons of older men like that..trust me. Its not based on what sex you are..its just because both men AND women that age have seen more of the world and been through more things that can make them that way. Perhaps more older women should get naive younger men so we dont have to deal with the women haters.
Engadget Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Who takes someone to a game on a date? How boring, my ideal date would be Salsa Dancing so I can get up close and personal, either that or paintballing, I like a woman who can get down and dirty. Make sure she doesn't mind the significant pain that comes with paintballing. I've been shot almost everywhere, the neck was the worst.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 Oh and it gets worse folks. He texted me last night, just casual talk, said goodnight, etc. Then suddenly I get a random text telling me he is feeling conflicted and that he's scared of failing and is putting so much pressure on himself because he's always messed things up in the past. Then says that he doesn't think he'll be the ideal man that I'm looking for. Whattttt is this??? I am even more weirded out. We had one date dude. Why is he even thinking this way and why am I being told these things? How could he possibly know who my ideal man is after one date and also know that he'll fail at being that? This guy is either really nervous and not good with women or just really weird and messed up. I think the online dating account is getting cancelled soon. This is getting ridiculous.
Art_Critic Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 and he never even got to get his noddle wet Can you see the red flag of baggage a waving...
ecto-1 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 What's with obession about who pays for what? Never understood it, how about just enjoying each other's company? Is that's what dating has come to?
2sure Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Oh and it gets worse folks. He texted me last night, just casual talk, said goodnight, etc. Then suddenly I get a random text telling me he is feeling conflicted and that he's scared of failing and is putting so much pressure on himself because he's always messed things up in the past. Then says that he doesn't think he'll be the ideal man that I'm looking for. Text reply: Let me know if you want to sell the tickets.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Oh and it gets worse folks. He texted me last night, just casual talk, said goodnight, etc. Then suddenly I get a random text telling me he is feeling conflicted and that he's scared of failing and is putting so much pressure on himself because he's always messed things up in the past. Then says that he doesn't think he'll be the ideal man that I'm looking for. Whattttt is this??? I am even more weirded out. We had one date dude. Why is he even thinking this way and why am I being told these things? How could he possibly know who my ideal man is after one date and also know that he'll fail at being that? This guy is either really nervous and not good with women or just really weird and messed up. I think the online dating account is getting cancelled soon. This is getting ridiculous. He probably just did you a huge favor, Ice. And all this comes after you have your talk with him about paying. LOL Yeah..good riddance.
Art_Critic Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Text reply: Let me know if you want to sell the tickets. .... That actually would be a really good reply...
Mimolicious Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Oh and it gets worse folks. He texted me last night, just casual talk, said goodnight, etc. Then suddenly I get a random text telling me he is feeling conflicted and that he's scared of failing and is putting so much pressure on himself because he's always messed things up in the past. Then says that he doesn't think he'll be the ideal man that I'm looking for. Whattttt is this??? I am even more weirded out. We had one date dude. Why is he even thinking this way and why am I being told these things? How could he possibly know who my ideal man is after one date and also know that he'll fail at being that? This guy is either really nervous and not good with women or just really weird and messed up. I think the online dating account is getting cancelled soon. This is getting ridiculous. At this point. why are we still talking about this guy? LOL! Ice-after such a dragging thread from last week, we warned you that this guy sounded like a true clown with a hole in his pockets. I told you to use the "I left my wallet" trick to test him but you want to be kind and offer to pay for your own. I understand. You'll probably will always pay for yourself with this winner. Another thing that came to mind, what about if you are strapped for cash and whatever amount he paid for the tickets would be an issue for you?!?!?! JEEZ, how considerateof him... to go all out on baseball tickets and not consider the pockets of the person he is "inviting", since he is expecting repayment. (I want to say he was going to get his tickets worth one way or another).
Mimolicious Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Oh and it gets worse folks. He texted me last night, just casual talk, said goodnight, etc. Then suddenly I get a random text telling me he is feeling conflicted and that he's scared of failing and is putting so much pressure on himself because he's always messed things up in the past. Then says that he doesn't think he'll be the ideal man that I'm looking for. Text reply: Let me know if you want to sell the tickets. :lmao::lmao:LMAO! He probably already sold them to his next victim, so she can take HIM! I can't!
Bangle Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Make sure she doesn't mind the significant pain that comes with paintballing. I've been shot almost everywhere, the neck was the worst. If a woman cannot handle a few paintballs then how will she cope during child birth? And I'll kiss her all over afterwards to make things better...
2sunny Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I don't think he's a mean guy and the comment about the cost didn't really seem too whiny. More than anything, this is all just coming off as really awkward to me. i didn't read where anyone stated he was mean. i believe many observations included him having no manners and being a cheapskate. those aren't qualities in a man i would date more than the first time. if a man wants to date me - he pays... IF i want to contribute because i have NO interest in seeing him again - i offer to pay my share. that only seems right. a classy man will never mention what costs run in order to date.
BS76 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 So earlier this week I created a thread about a guy I met online, went to dinner/drinks with and how he asked if I wanted to contribute to the bill. After friends and family telling me this was a bad sign that he didn't treat and mixed responses here, I decided I still wanted to try a second date. So he took control on the second date and came up with the idea that we should go to a baseball game. So he bought the tickets and is telling me about the seats over IM and proceeds to tell me that they were pretty expensive. I start to feel bad and ask him if he would like any money for them. I'm sure some of you will say this was a stupid move on my part, but I guess that was just my manners kicking in. So when I offer he says "I could be generous and say you don't owe me a thing, but something tells me you wouldn't want it to be that way." So I say it's up to him and he says he'll cover the tickets. So now I'm curious and ask him what makes him think I wouldn't want him to pay for the tickets. He says that I seem like a girl who has worked hard for what I have gotten in life and seeing that it's only our second date he thought I would want to at least pay for my ticket. But that he's trying to be a nice and romantic guy by doing this. Now I just feel even weirder than I did before. Why is he telling me all of this? I certainly don't think I give off a vibe that says I never want to be treated to a dinner hahaha. Is this weird or is it just me? Sounds like a Category II type guy. (or was it III?)
aerogurl87 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I knew it, from your first thread I knew this one was a dud. Good thing the weirdness became more apparent before it was too late.
sweetjasmine Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 It's just tacky for him to do something nice for someone only to simultaneously guilt-trip her by making it sound as if he's undertaking a huge expense and going out of his way to be romantic. [...] If the tickets are as insane as you claim, then you shouldn't go to such an event on a second date if you're not willing to undertake the expense. There are cheaper alternatives. Picking something expensive and then trying to guilt your date is incredibly retarded. THIS! Thisthisthisthis. Spot on, Vertex. I can't get over how he threw the price of the tickets into the mix. If a guy invited me somewhere and threw in this comment, it would make me feel guilty- and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the date. And IMO that's the point of bringing up how expensive it is -- guilt-tripping. I agree it's just making sure she's aware of how much effort he's putting into it. "Look, I'm doing all this for YOU, so what are you going to do for ME?" My guess (and it's a guess) is that he probably doesn't want to spend a lot of money or pay for things but feels obligated and has no idea how to approach it. He probably thinks he HAS to buy expensive seats at a baseball game to impress her, but likely feels resentful about it.
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