espec10001 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I haven't been on a date in over 5 years. It has nothing to do with my looks or personality I just haven't met anyone I'd consider dating or vise versa. My last relationship ended very badly, and I took myself out of the dating pool. Even today, there is a part of me that wants to be in a relationship, and a part of me that doesn't. I just don't want to be alone, that I know. But yea, I still hope that one day a relationship might blossom naturally without having to force it, but I'm not holding my breath
Shakz Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I took a 5-ish month "guyaitus" last year when I realized I had started approaching every first date with an attitude of "so I wonder what brand of crazy/jerk/narcissist THIS one is going to be?" It was one of the best things I've ever done. I got refocused on my priorities, family, friends, work, and hobbies, and I stopped feeling like I *needed* a guy or a relationship. It was sooooo liberating. Highly recommend it. Postscript: I met my now-fiance during the guyaitus and a few months after my dating break ended, we started dating. And about seven months after we started dating, we got engaged. That's very healthy, SSG. I took a year off for the very same reason (love the term "guyaitus" BTW) and even went on a spiritual retreat for part of it. I learned I can live alone without feeling alone, and that I don't need a woman on my arm to validate my existence. I learned who I was and what sort of person I wanted to share my life with. Unlike you, however, I have yet to meet her. But at least now I'll know her when she comes along.
Author Brady_to_Moss Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Recently just gave it up. Did online dating for a year, asked out a lot of women in person buy never led to a single date from that method. I'm just sick of the BS. I don't even know if a relationship would make me happy in the first place, so it's hard to justify jumping through hoops, playing the mind games, wasting the money, spending the time....for something I don't even think would be all that great anyway. The bottom line is I'm much happier when I'm not dating. It's stressful for me, there's nothing "fun" about dating at all. I'd rather not have anything to do with it. Unless a girl throws herself at me, I'm not pursuing anything with anyone. Too many other things in life to enjoy that are worth the effort. I agree with everything you just said 120%. Why waste the time and money on something that may just end up crashing and burning in the end? R's seem stressful always trying to make sure the SO is okay and still into you..ugh such a waste!
Ruby Slippers Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I feel the same way about women. A girl will show interest in me and all that goes through my head is "Why even bother? It's just going to end in misery." Yes. I don't feel like listening to another guy's stupid lines. They're all the same, carefully crafted to achieve a desired end, but ultimately meaningless. Even the healthiest relationships I know of seem like little more than exercises in putting up with each other's crap. I have enough of a time putting up with my own crap.
tincanman99 Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) I feel the same way about women. A girl will show interest in me and all that goes through my head is "Why even bother? It's just going to end in misery." This is after coming to the realization that I have no desire to be in a relationship, and no desire for a friend with benefits. All my attempts at either ended in disaster. So I'll just casually chat with women and be friendly, but keep them at arms length. Dating isn't worth the hassle. Welcome to my world. I am exactly the same and I am a guy too. I think to myself whats the point of it all? Its just going to be train wreck anyway so I might as well save the time, energy and $$ and not get involved. Its not that I hate women nor dont want sex. I just dont want to deal with the games and other nonsense associated with it. Its just easier being alone. Its not that I am inflexible either. If I like someone the world is your oyster as far as I am concerned but I have been disappointed so many times that I just cant be bothered now. Ironically I know that I need to break free of this rut that I have been for a long time now but cant work up the strength to do it. On the weekend I know that I should go out and talk to people but end up sitting at home or working out. Its pretty pathetic if you ask me. Edited June 29, 2010 by tincanman99
kdark Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Even the healthiest relationships I know of seem like little more than exercises in putting up with each other's crap. I have enough of a time putting up with my own crap. You saying this made me realize how true that is. My parents marriage was a sham, my brother is borderline abusive to his S/O, my best friend has cheated on his girlfriend of almost seven years with random girls I work with, and my dad's new wife is a blood sucking man eater. If that's what's in store for me, I'll stay alone. Ironically I know that I need to break free of this rut that I have been for a long time now but cant work up the strength to do it. On the weekend I know that I should go out and talk to people but end up sitting at home or working out. Its pretty pathetic if you ask me. I honestly don't feel like I need to get out this funk I'm in. I'm holding onto my money, I'm getting a degree in counseling, I'm doing volunteer work, and I have a blast hanging out with my friends and family. My life is pretty good without a girl in it.
Engadget Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I'm honestly not sure if or when I'll date again, I'm still screwed up in the head over my ex enough that a casual fling with a girl I'd never date is making me upset.
PlumPudding Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Until a year ago, I was totally against dating. Yeah, I was 18 but still. I never dated before then and I had no desire to. For some reason just the thought of relationships made me roll my eyes. I was also surrounded by a bunch of guys in my small highschool that just used their girls for sex and abused them, but I felt like it wasn't worth it. I hated that the girls always seemed to be such brats and the guys always sexed up. That's all I saw and I wanted no part of it.
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