Butlerist Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid?
amerikajin Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid? If I had been cheated upon, I think I would be lucky to be in the mood to go out with one or two girls over the course of an entire year. Each of us is different, though...
Choboto Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 either that, or she forgot how to pay for her own meals.
Star Gazer Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid? It could be that she's just trying to get back in the game, so to speak. Warming up to being available for the next guy who's more right for her than the last one. I know after a breakup it takes me a bit to be willing to even consider dating again, but once I do, I pretty much multi-date for a while before I am willing to start narrowing down my options.
Engadget Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I would say she's just having fun being single. I was the same way after being cheated on in a six year relationship
just-me12 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 there could be many reasons, as mentioned above she might be having fun, she might not be able to find someone that is able to make her feel the same as her ex and just keeps looking, it might be just to get laid or for attention as mentioned or it could be because she feels walked over by guys now she wants to play her game. never know
Author Butlerist Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 Yes, reasons could be many. Although there was a mention once where she said 'if my ex wanted to do what he did...I thought to myself well now I can go and do the same'. Everybody is indeed different, but looks like she's having fun but looking for someone to make her feel like she used to...which most probably is the correct thing.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 The ex never cheated ( or at least from what I'd known) but I know for a fact taht after breaking up, I was on a dating binge. It's more about the thrill of meeting new people and flirting around that gets me high.
Morals Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Multi-dating is nothing more then an ego boost. It's unfortunate too, because in 99% of cases involving multidating, SOMEONE will get hurt. It's the reason I don't multidate. I may date one girl and have another girl in my mind as a backup, but I'm not going to schedule dates for two people intermittently. How are you supposed to get to know someone when you are dating more then one person? You don't. Period. You multidate for ego-feeds, and in the end the only person who comes out on top is you. To me that's a selfish approach to life and is part of the reason relationships are half-assed these days. If you just broke up and are looking for someone to be there for your emotionally, are two (or more) people you are seeing really going to make a difference then one person? Even if that one person knows they are a bounce back, it would be 10x better to get to know them on a singular basis, who knows, you might actually get to like them pretty well. But instead both sexes have this view that they are entitled to "date without considering other people's emotions" when they have been hurt. NEWS FLASH: Other people have had their hearts broken too. You aren't the first, and you aren't the last. People who use bad relationships for excuses to date more, have sex more, whatever....are just people who are prone to have bad relationships because they chose that path in life. What's that saying...? "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Torres Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Morals, I think that is very judgement. People are entitled to live their lives how they like. Just because some people have different views on dating which aren't your own I don't think you can judgfe them and their lives. Thinks aren't always so clear cut and black and white. I know plenty of people who want/wanted nothing more than to just meet someone settle down and possibly start a family. Some did so very young without meeting a lot of people. For some thats fine. However I know some who are not happy in this situation, they haven't experienced many people. They stuck with the first person that seemed like a good partner. This isn't always healthy either. It often seems to me like they wanted to be settled down and some wanted the family but it was more about that than WHO the partner is. I've seen people force relationships and insist they are happy because thats what they've got. One friend of mine recently got out of a longterm relationship, he was with a girl like that, we never knew what they saw in each other but she just wanted to be settled and he was happy because he had a girlfriend, e recently realised after a long time this relationship wasnt for him and he got out, he's never been happier and we are delighted for him. Looking down on someone who doesn't marry their teenage sweet heart or does not like to do the long term relationship thing when they are young is not very fair, if thats what you think is right then thats great for you but its not for everyone. People like to be sinle when they are young, experience life and do things without having to think of someone else constantly, there's nothing wrong with that. As far as serial dating goes, yes there is a healthy side and an unhealthy. Sometimes it is for validation, if they were hurt or something then they don't need a long term relationship but they are human and still like to know they are attractive and desirable and I think thats perfectly fine. Friends I know who have the healthiest relationshiops are usually those who HAVE done the single thing. Some people here might think that a serial dater is un-dateable but thats very judgemental and wrong to think. From my experince, someone who has gone out there and met a lot of people are usually happier when they DO settle down because they have met all sorts of people, they dont jump into a relationship just because they met someone. They experience life, meet lots of people and when they DO settle down its because they came across someone they just were't willing to let go or be another person that they want to serial-date. Its usually that out of all the types of people they meet in the world, this one just stands out somehow and I think this is a way more valid reason for being in a relationship than because you just want a relationship or to do what others consider correct. In this situation you never have the "what if" feeling. You can pinpoint exactly why that person is the one you want to date seriously and are less likely to think, "oh he's nice, I wish my girlfriend was like her...", because you are more likely to have met those other girls and be more inclined to think "this is definitely the type of girl I want." I love th advice on these boards but sometimes it can be over judgemental, over moral and too inclined to do what people think is the norm. To the OP, I think if she can get a lot of dates and it helps her get to where she is going then good for her. I hope she meets lots of guys and eventually meets the right one, whether its the next guy, the 5th guy or the 100th guy, at least then she's sure whenever that happens. There's nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone just because you met them, only later to think " maybe she could be a little more......"... why not wait and get that person.
SarahRose Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid? What is she supposed to be doing instead?
Morals Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 ...Drivel... Did you read anything I typed? Where at all did I state anything about "marrying teenage sweethearts" or "serial dating"? I stated that multi-dating, which is the act of dating more then one person at a time, is in my opinion a selfish endeavor. That's my opinion, if you don't like that, too bad. You can do whatever you like, you don't have to like my opinion, because I can tell you without hesitation that I don't like yours. I can tell English isn't your first language, so I'll chalk your response up to a language barrier problem, but I will state this much about your response to people who date and meet someone by dating lots of people... "Everything in moderation". Too little dating is just as bad as too much.
sally4sara Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 How are you supposed to get to know someone when you are dating more then one person? The same way you get to know many people at once when you start a new job or school or move to a new city?
cdubs32 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid? Much more the former rather than the latter. If she just wants to get laid, she'll just turn to a long term friend that she's already comfortable with, not necessarily a whole new random dude.
Torres Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Did you read anything I typed? Where at all did I state anything about "marrying teenage sweethearts" or "serial dating"? I stated that multi-dating, which is the act of dating more then one person at a time, is in my opinion a selfish endeavor. That's my opinion, if you don't like that, too bad. You can do whatever you like, you don't have to like my opinion, because I can tell you without hesitation that I don't like yours. I can tell English isn't your first language, so I'll chalk your response up to a language barrier problem, but I will state this much about your response to people who date and meet someone by dating lots of people... "Everything in moderation". Too little dating is just as bad as too much. The very tone of your reply means I'm wasting my time... I take it from your name and your avatar you hold your own "Morals" very highly. For that reason I can see why you wholehearthedly disagree with me and probably anyone else know likes to challenge those "morals". Stop being on a high horse. There's 2 sides to each coin. Excuse my spelling and grammar but I didn't know this was a spelling contest. I just wanted to express my views and that is that everyone is different, serial-dating is not wrong... different things suit different people. I'm not sure what brings you here but if it is simply to express your "morals" upon everyone then I think some potentially naive and especially younger people looking for good advice could well steer clear of that. I read your post very clearly... editing mine to the word drivel means you clearly didn't take much time to read mine. Thanks for your time, It was a pleasure.... Cue reply from the "Moral" one putting me in my place... anyone see the irony?
Feelin Frisky Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 either that, or she forgot how to pay for her own meals. Ding, ding, ding!
alphamale Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Girl comes out of a long term relationship, where the s/o cheated on them after 4/5years together. If she now goes at least on one to two dates per week, would you say it's because they're in need of attention to make themselves feel good? Or want to get laid? no, i think she wants free meals
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