Men are famous for commitmentphobia, but I may suffer from it too. Any other ladies?

[Ophelia Rue]

As I was going through my own mind about my personal fear of cohabitation and marriage (previous post), I was doing little random Google searches: "I don't want to live with my boyfriend"..."I don't want to get married"..."I don't want to cohabitate with my boyfriend"...to see if there were any females who related.

 

Unfortunately, not really. Every one of these google searches ended up with a couple hundred Yahoo Answers questions "My boyfriend doesn't want to live with me" or "my boyfriend doesn't want to marry me".

 

Am I alone in my female commitmentphobia? Isn't there anyone else out there?

[Southern Belle]

Sign me up, I think. Let me explain.

 

Divorced for a little while now, and looking to ease back into the dating scene again. Totally confused as to what I really want from dating. I want male companionship, want someone to go see a movie with/try out a new restaurant/catch a game or concert with, and heck yeah, the carnal stuff too.....I just don't want to get married again. EVER. I can't see actually wanting a FWB situation either. I have no problem seeing myself in a long-term, committed, totally-loyal-to-the-guy relationship, just don't want the legal entanglement of marriage (was majorly burned by the divorce).

 

So, I really don't have a problem with the idea of being in a committed relationship again, just don't want the legalities of being responsible for a man again. Clear as mud???

 

I am just really confused. And the men that I am meeting are falling into two extremes; they are either looking for "booty call" friends (not really interested in that) or they are looking for a wife (REALLY not interested in that). So, there you go.

[Ophelia Rue]

That makes total sense to me, Belle. Especially since you've been there, done that. Since I have lived with a man before (and we weren't even married) I got wrapped up in some crazy *****...my credit score got pummeled (sp?), I lost my dog (he took her away because he originally "bought" her), and I am scarred for life because his 8 year old child ruined my furniture, video games, and other electronics after wrecking my apartment each and every other weekend.

 

So exhausting!!

 

Yes, it's going to be either a booty call or wife with most men, there aren't really any gray areas. Kind of sucks for us, huh.

[Kamille]

It's funny. I'm pretty commitmentphobic but don't have any bad past experiences to explain it.

 

I think the main reason is that I struggle to establish my boundaries in relationship, so when I live with a man, I usually end up adopting his lifestyle and eventually end up feeling drained and exhausted.

 

Current bf is aware of it and we are able to talk and negotiate it. Like, I will point out the moments when I'm "slipping into his lifestyle". We don't live together yet, but are LDR, so we do spend some extended periods of time together (when we get to visit each other).

[Southern Belle]

That makes total sense to me, Belle. Especially since you've been there, done that. Since I have lived with a man before (and we weren't even married) I got wrapped up in some crazy *****...my credit score got pummeled (sp?), I lost my dog (he took her away because he originally "bought" her), and I am scarred for life because his 8 year old child ruined my furniture, video games, and other electronics after wrecking my apartment each and every other weekend.

 

So exhausting!!

 

Yes, it's going to be either a booty call or wife with most men, there aren't really any gray areas. Kind of sucks for us, huh.

 

 

Yes, it does suck, Ophelia. It sure does.

 

And I hear ya regarding the financial pummeling. I am still recovering from mine. Sorry to hear about your furniture, electronics, etc. And the dog?? SO sorry to hear that!! I am in the same boat. I don't miss the ex, but do miss the pet that he took with him.

 

Good luck, girl!!!!

[lovelydemon]

I feel exactly the way the Southern Belle described and the worst part is that at my age guys are clearly separated by either looking for a wife (hell, no!) or a booty call (still a no lol)

[aerogurl87]

I used to be a commitment phobe with my ex. I don't know why but nothing in the world could get me to completely commit to him although in my heart I really wanted to. At first it was just that I felt that way in general till I started to realize nope, it's just him. So sometimes maybe it's not you, but the people your interested in.

[threebyfate]

Went through a brief period of situational commitment phobia after being hurt badly. But that's when I was second guessing my own judgement in people where my judgement was accurate. Once I figured that out, no problems with commitment since, even got married a second time to a wonderful man.