messymichelle Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 you will see from my earlier thread about me and my ex, well he left me after 10 years and 4 kids together with no explanation at all. he stopped seeing the kids and only contacts me when he wants something i.e his paperwork done,booty call ect.. well today is my first day of nc and its not 2 bad until ...... he had the brass neck on him to text me and ask for money so that he can go out 2nite!!!!! natrally i didnt reply so he texted again asking again for a sub until 2morrow as the bank link swallowed his card again i didnt reply so he drove out to my house but seen that i had family here and didnt come in just took of spinning (in a mood of course ) i was ok until my family left but now i feel defeated almost guilty for not giving in so instead of textin or ringing him i decided to write on here i mean what does he expect? he walked out left me to go a pursue a single life im heartbroken i cant eat i cant sleep every waking minute i spend thinking about him and he knows all this but yet he still asked me for money so he can go out and hook uo with other girls. im crying now becos just the thought of him sleepin/kissing another girl is driving me pure insane with jealously and i dont like it is there anything i can do to hate him instead of love him???? how long will this horrible feeling last????? please could someone give me some advice kind or harsh thanks
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I am so very sorry you are going through this but be proud of yourself, you took the necessary first step to get on with your life. Yes, it hurts and its going to hurt for a while (I hated when people said this to me) but allow yourself to grieve and feel all the emotions. I promise you hate and anger are on the way- just be careful not to allow the anger to control you. Be the better person and take the high road- don't rebound or do anything out of spite. Take care of yourself even though it is so hard right now. Start small like making sure to shower and floss (really depressed people get this), take vitamins, go for a walk- surround yourself with family and friends. I am 3 weeks post husband telling me he wants out and I'm doing so much better than I was the first week. I haven't cried in a while- feeling optimistic too. Hang in there and keep posting.
BiAxident Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 What he should expect is to hear from an attorney, or your local Friend of the Court offices, about the child support payments that he is going to be responsible for once the paperwork is filed. If hating him instead of loving him is your goal, I guess you should focus on the fact that, any man who would just walk out on his wife and kids, with or without explaination, isn't a man at all. He isn't worth your pain. However, I'm not sure if cultivating hatred for him is the most healthy thing for you at this point. Rather, you might do well to focus on your children; if their father has left them, and isn't contacting them, I'm sure they need you as much as you need "us". How long will the horrible feeling last?? No one can be certain, some would say as long as you let it. For now, cry all you can/want. Keep spending time with your family, start/keep exercising (pain produces chemicals in your brain that exercise will help counter), keep posting on the board (both your threads and others).
Author messymichelle Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 i am feeling bit stronger today i have set my goals and all i have to do is stay nc, i have no interest in going on the rebound, i actually feel sick thinking about it lol i am so grateful for this site because it is much easier to be talking to strangers with a unbiased opinion. i guess i am scared more than anything.of having to start all over again,scared of what is to follow when he does eventually remember that he has kids and for what will happen when he wants to see them but of all this emotion that im going through there is one that sticks out more than anything, feeling lost. i have spent ten years with this man, loving him, being there for his needs, wanting him, and now he doesnt want me and im lost i know i will heal in time, maybe its something i will become stronger from buts for now if getting in to my head that i hate him gets me through the days well thats what i have to do . i need to stay strong for my kids if i lie down what hope have they got? at the minute im holding it together but i will get there with the help that i am getting from this site so thank you for taking time to reply to me it has given me a bit of a lift to know that there is light at the end of tunnel. you guys are just giving me a look at the map
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Hey Michelle- My 11 year anniversary is on Friday. I have been married to my husband since I was 19 so I understand how you feel. I am lost and scared. I've never had to pay rent or utility bills as a single person. Everything I have done as an adult I have done them with my husband, but that also makes me a bit excited. I get to have all these firsts in my 30s. Its going to be a struggle but I know I will be ok in the end- I have to for my boys. Keep posting- once you get to 50 and been on the boards for a month you can have private messaging, then we can chat more One day at a time, although in the beginning its like one second, then one minute at a time.
Author messymichelle Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 i no what your saying about doing everything with your husband, its weird,scary and a bit overwhelming at times. i mean its going to be strange not having to worry about his needs, though i still do its a habit, a bad habit that i will slowly have to break. it will also be strange not having to consider his feelings or reaction to anything that i will do from now on, i know it will take time to adjust but i ust wish life had a fast forward button at times!!!!! i have my phones turned off and was tempted to turn it on so i decided to come here instead. im at the stage now where even if he did come back would i take him back? i mean this man litreally smashed my heart into a million pieces, i love him even still, but how if he ever did come back could i whole heartly trust him to never do it again??? i dont think i could, maybe this is a new emotion that im feeling today, maybe its the hurt or maybe im just thinking to much. friday will be an emtional rollacoaster for you but try to stay strong and positive i know its easier said than done but treat yourself, surrond yourself with people who love you and care about you, when everything gets too much for me i take the kids to the park its a great way of killing a few hours running around after them and not thinking about him
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Thanks- you hang in there too. This will be a rough weekend with my anniversary on Friday and my birthday on Monday. I would hope we could do something as a family just for old times sake, but I don't know if he would be open to that. Who knows how you would feel if he came back. Love is such a strong emotion- it can help you get over deep hurt. But don't worry about that now, just worry about yourself and the kids- and keep those phones off!!!!!
Author messymichelle Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 lol they are still off!!! but i am still thinking!!! now about your birthday and annviersary excuse me if you think im being abit forward givin my situation but would you really want to do something with him as a family?? i mean wouldnt it be fake??a pretence??? im sure your abit like myself too soft for your own good but really would you put urself through a family day to cover up or hide what is really happening??? its your birthday why not let him take the kids off somewhere and you have yourself a good time with a gf?? we both have a long way to go that much i do know, im sitting here like an ass wondering can it be saved??? or more to the point do i want it saved???? love is a very strong emotion but not an only one. i miss him being here i miss talking to him but i need to let go and my dear so do you one and half days nc!!! its killing me but its what i need even if i dont think so
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 lol they are still off!!! but i am still thinking!!! now about your birthday and annviersary excuse me if you think im being abit forward givin my situation but would you really want to do something with him as a family?? i mean wouldnt it be fake??a pretence??? im sure your abit like myself too soft for your own good but really would you put urself through a family day to cover up or hide what is really happening??? its your birthday why not let him take the kids off somewhere and you have yourself a good time with a gf?? we both have a long way to go that much i do know, im sitting here like an ass wondering can it be saved??? or more to the point do i want it saved???? love is a very strong emotion but not an only one. i miss him being here i miss talking to him but i need to let go and my dear so do you one and half days nc!!! its killing me but its what i need even if i dont think so I would want to do something because he's my best friend. I told him I'm fine with losing him as a husband, but man oh man will I miss him as a friend. I think it would be fine because we live like friends now- we watch Lost on Netflix every night, we talk to each other- we are trying to be as friendly as possible. I told him I would hope we could be that couple that remains close after the divorce. Maybe I just say that now. I'm not going to ask to do anything together - I'll see how he behaves on Friday.
littlelisa30 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I'm so sorry for what you are going through- I know a little of it myself, my husband left me three weeks ago today- no explanation. just came home and said he wants a divorce. Wouldn't even discuss it. No kids involved though and you have four so I'm sure that makes things much harder because they are losing their dad as they've always known him too. My husband does sound a lot like yours though. HE was so good to me and I thought we were happy. Then he just turned on me and all he cares about now is himself. He's gotten mad at me because I wont' do things to make HIS life easier (and he's the one who walked out!) He wanted to be single. I have to warn you though, when the newness wears off and your husband finds out he's not as happy as he thought (that the grass really isn't GREENER on the other side) he will probably want to come back. But he will blame everything on you and be critical and act like you are the one who needs to change everything. Stay strong. You are doing great so far by ignoring his texts. How DARE he ask you for money to go out!! Just set a mini goal for yourself each day. I make one project a day to complete and that is what I look forward to (or how I make myself feel useful( each day. For example, cleaning out a closet, getting things together for a yard sale. making my favorite cookies. I am still in the can't eat can't sleep stage. It does get better though. Today is 3 weeks exactly and I'm not crying all day every day. NOw it is maybe a little tears every day but not the racking sobs. Just sad little tears. And I do miss him but not like I used to so take comfort in that it DOES get better.
wrencn Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Lisa, today is 3 weeks exactly for me too. (((HUGS))) to you too.
Author messymichelle Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 lisa, thanks for your response, it is that much harder with the kids because they are 10 ( from a previous relationship) boy, 9 girl. 7 boy and a 3 year old boy. well the 7 year old is extremly close to his dad and constantly asks to see him, its not his fault but it makes me so angry that my cunt of an ex cant see what he is doing to his kids, never mind what he has done to me, well i do hope as much ,as i love him,miss him ect. that the grass is greener because its cost him alot. i hope its the best sex he has ever had and that she caters for his every whim and that hurting his family was so worth it, because it has cost him dearly, im in the frame of mind that HE lost more than ME. and its that single thought right now that is getting me through tonite i wonder what ****e i will tell myself tomorrow!!! lol your so right about him texting for money, he wouldnt text to see how his kids are a quick, tomorrow im going to see a lawyer and start proceeding for child support, just to remind him that he has kids!!! everything else like us and the business can wait until im ready to deal with it, and right now im not no matter how angry i am.
Author messymichelle Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 wrench, i admire your honesty about missing him as a friend, my ex was like my best friend and soulmate and it struck a cord with me just how much i do miss him. i wish you all the best on friday and monday. i know you told me that the anger would come and i sort of didnt expect it because i love him so much that i didnt think it would be an anger with such force!!!! and boy did it come !!!! i walked today for 5 miles cursing and swearing at myself and him, for me being so silly and him being such a dick!!! the walk helped a bit it made me want to stick to nc and heal myself
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