Untangling My Brain

[Apollo89]

Hi everyone, I'm in a phase right now after my long-term GF's affair where i literally flip 180 degree's emotionally every day and i need help deciphering what it is "i'm" feeling before i even try understanding whats going on in her head.

 

We are both 21 years old and have been together since her first year of highschool (15).

 

About 6 months ago i would say, I fell into a serious depression. Now this wasnt something new to her, i've had a tough life and was forced to grow up MUCH earlier than i should have. I have always felt more emotionally matured than my age, but ofcourse i deal with the baggage associated with that. My girlfriend on the other hand was mostly sheltered and for whatever reason has always seemed childish and immature. I knew all of these things through out our relationship and could honestly tell myself that i loved her for who she was and had forever to be emotionally satisfied by her.

 

It was during this last bout with depression though when i feel i was too far gone for her to honestly cope with, and she didn't have the experience to understand exactly what was going on. I would say things like "i dont care about anything", or have fits of anger at insignificant things that i cant even remember now. I would get obsessed with one hobby or another and for me it was just a way of closing out the world. couple all that with having very infrequent sex and an immature, very pretty/high maintenance GF and ofcourse i see all the logic in the world why she would cheat.

 

I should mention we have a 2 year old son and that her affair was on 4-5 occasions with a man she knew from her work.

 

Back to now, its been 3 weeks since she told me she cheated and it only took me about 10 minutes of driving in circles to come back home and realize i wanted to make things work. I did all the stupid guy things; wanted to know details, and where and why. she was fairly honest telling me all of those things, she has not however become open to me. She was hiding her phone and in the last week i caved in and checked the phone records. Ofcourse she had called him literally every day since she told me (including Fathers day.. FML)

 

i've been staying at home (even in the same bed) since i found out, and i feel we've opened up our communication ten fold, but i dont feel that deep remorse and guilt that I know i would feel. i feel i've made a mistake, I pretty much told her i loved her and that i wanted there to be an US and that i wanted a straight decision from her. Either she's there for me 100% or she's not. We've spent time looking at options and finances for me moving out and its eerily comfortable and civil when we do. I dont understand whats going on in her head, i mean every single thing she does seems irrational to me. At work yesterday we got so far as to talk about our rent if i moved out and decided she needed a roomate. Then his name came out of her mouth! WTF.

 

I'm so lost. i gave her the ultimatum that she needed to give me a 100% clear cut decision so i could be out by the first, but she's sat on the fence for 3 weeks now. when i'm with her things are so comfortable and she seems so happy, but when she goes to work all her answers become "i dunno" "or I think i love you."

 

This roller-coaster is killing me and i feel screwed either way.... and anyone that reads all of this and still feels like helping me out gets a hero cookie.

 

Thanks, LS

[Bryanp]

You need to both be tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you have been?

[U2RockZz]

"Then his name came out of her mouth! WTF. "

 

i think you got more than an answer....i think you have brain enough to understand what she wants i.e definitely not you....you are just 21 and you have a kid WTF, get you a** to school, if you are in one then concentrate on that, not on some p**** or chick

 

if you are so much matured then you don't have kids at 21 and stuck in it for entire life....

[Apollo89]

@ bryan, we have not had sex since the affair so i'm not worried. I also definitely understand she would not treat me the same as i am right now. That is mostly where my confusion is coming from.

 

and @ rocks, i'm not sure if i understand all of your post but i feel i've been on the right track up untill this point in my life. I was a journeyman electrician at 20 and have spent my entire adult life supporting others, be it my siblings or my family. I did not choose to have a kid at 19 but i did and i have no regrets.

[jnj express]

Were you dropped on your head or something close to that----You did not choose to have a kid at 19, let's see arn't kids the product of sex, unprotected----

 

You have been together since you were 15-----Since you wanted to be tied up at that age, guess what you get to live with the problems, that hooking up so young presents----I E----neither of you, had a normal growing up period, where you experience socializing with many people, now she wants to sow her oats, and you don't like it

 

Marriages, after 6 years sometimes become old and boring----you have put in the 1st 6 years of your social life together, and maybe this relationship is old and boring to her already

 

The 2 of you need to have a serious talk with a counselor present, and see if there is a future, and if so what needs to be done, to secure it

 

If no future---then go your seperate ways, and just make sure you are the best father you can be to your child

[Apollo89]

thanks so much blindside hearing things like that mean so much right now.