sunshine222 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I divorced my wife not because I did not love her but because there were other circumstances outside of our control that my life seemed stopped for me. I do not want to go into the details about why I divorced her, I wish I did not but I did. It has been 7 months of NC but I still get very nervous and depressed when she calls me. She would not stop calling me although I never pick up and talk to her or answer her emails.
habs53 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 What are you saying here? You still love her, you miss her and obviously she misses you. A fair amount of time has passed and maybe what happened may be fixable. Gees man, pick up the phone and talk. Some of us here wish we were in your shoes.
hurt and devastated Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 No kidding! There are a few of us here that would love to hear the phone ring. I would at least find out what she has to say.
spriggig Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I divorced my wife of 5 years back in late 2008, almost 2 years ago. At that time it felt the right thing to do. I loved her and we were very compatible but there was a voice in my head right from when we got married that we were not right for each other. Without going into too much detail all I can say is that I wanted more out of life. She was married before, had kids and was older than me. These are not the reasons I divorced her but there were other irreconcilable differences. It was not her fault and neither was it mine. I could not muster up the courage for so long to let her go. I finally did and I felt ok for a while. We remained friends for more than a year. Then I realized that this friendship was giving her false hope. So I went NC although she kept calling and emailing. I have just now realized what I actually did and feel very sad and depressed to the point of being non-functional. I cry a lot but when I think about it the same voice comes back to me and tell me that I did the right thing. That it will hurt but I still did the right thing for me. Believe me when I say it hurts it really does. But from all the people I have shared my sad story with they all agree that I should go NC. And that is what I am doing.This is from another thread where you opened up a little more, maybe someone will respond now.
tojaz Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I think you need to start with why that voice says it was the right thing even though you obviously still have deep feelings for her. Sounds to me like the head and the heart are at odds. TOJAZ
LisaUk Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Without the details of why you divorced its difficult to offer advise but I will put a few things out there. Do you have a problem with commitment? Commitment phobia? I ask because I recognise some of things you are saying form what my ex said to me. Sometimes people with CP still marry and then find it difficult to stay, an excellent book for insight is He's Scared, She's Scared by Stephen Carter. Like I said without details its difficult, but all I can say is this - Life is too short to waste it in pain, if you are hurting how can this possibly be the right decision? It isn't too late to fix this by the sounds of it, your xw clearly still has feelings for you as she is still contacting you, why are you allowing yourself to suffer? Are the problems you had really so difficult that the two of you can't find a compromise? I guess you have to decide what is more important in your life, the women you clearly love or your desire to lead a life soley for you?
Panthers86 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Sunshine222, go back to your wife...now. Be glad that the good Lord has shown you both that you still love & care for each other, and that there's hope. You're scared of something. Don't let that fear rule or destroy your life. The "voices" in your head may be your own fears, or be unclean spirits taunting you. You need counseling...individually for you (to deal with your fear, depression, and "voices"), and also together, as a couple. Take control of your life today. The Lord won't put any more on you than you can bear.
Panthers86 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Sunshine222, go back to your wife...now. Be glad that the good Lord has shown you both that you still love & care for each other, and that there's hope. You're scared of something. Don't let that fear rule or destroy your life. The "voices" in your head may be your own fears, or be unclean spirits taunting you. You need counseling...individually for you (to deal with your fear, depression, and "voices"), and also together, as a couple. Take control of your life today. The Lord won't put any more on you than you can bear.
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