AlwaysConflicted Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I don't have much of an ego so I'll admit that I was wrong before about breaking NC. Stay NC forever. As some of you know, I was broken up with 6 weeks ago. She left me with the false hope of "give me a few weeks to think about everything". So I did. I got built up at the gym and took care of myself - all with the hope that we would one day soon be reunited. A month passed and I didn't hear from her. Eventually I made my stand and went to her house to ask for a 2nd chance while spilling my emotions. She had dumped me for reasons I still don't understand. Initially I was proud of myself for going to her house, but she told me she no longer had any feelings for me. After the house incident I managed to get a date from her, but she emailed me a couple days ago to cancel. In the email she apologized and told me that even she didn't know why she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. She said maybe the feelings would come back, but not to wait for her. Like many of you said, I set myself back. I have my answer and it's "I don't love you anymore". I am beyond sad and crying nonstop. You all were right and I was wrong. G-d my heart hurts so much. The sadness is unbearable. The dreams are the worst...Imagining her with other guys, imagining us having fun together. I miss the woman I love, but she doesn't miss me. I'm sad and falling deeper down the hole.
monkeymaid Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 dude, this is ****ed up and you have got to find things about yourself that you like. ...what positive traits do you have. ill start, you hit the gym hard, you are capable ofloveand deep emotion. ..please continue this list
Username37 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 They're heartless. Giving you false hope then shutting you down. They think it's a game of power and by shutting you down, it only makes them powerful. **** them. Let them realize that letting go of you was a terrible idea.
TidalLife Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Man, I feel for you! Sometimes we don't get what we want, rather what we need. Wether you know it or not, you got what you needed as much as it hurts. You know now how she feels and the best thing you can do for yourself is find support and move on. Support from friends such as you have here....write as much as you can. I wish my ex gf would give me the answer yours gave you. I had a day planned with her and her daughter yesterday, that day rolled around and no contact. Then this morning at 430 am I got a text from her saying: Hey, sorry I didn't call I had to do this and that, blah blah blah....she had expected to see me where she works that night, but I didn't and will not show any longer. This is what I mean about what we get and what we need. I didn't need her to give me an excuse or send the text for that matter. She, on the other hand needs me to be there, to be the friend she needs when she needs me. I can no longer be that person due to the feelings I have for her. I believe I am slowly reaching the point of indifference. A person can only take so much of this type of abuse before we start to become numb to it. My only hope for you is that you reach that point and soon. I can tell you love this woman very much as I still do mine and likely always will. But, if this was reciprocated then would they be treating us like this, I think not! If we got to choose who we fell in love with and that love were reciprocated, then we wouldn't have an outlet such as this, one where we are all dealing with the same issues. The best thing you can do now is talk about it with us as much as you need. We will do our best to help you.
hurt and devastated Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) I know how you feel about the person you love so dearly not having any feelings for you anymore. It's the most empty, sad feeling you can have, and it makes you feel about an inch tall. I have to see that in my wife every time I come to see my kids, or pick them up and drop them off. One person I talked to suggested to me to think your ex SO is dead. Mourn the loss, but move on. I think you should try that, like I'm going to. Edited June 27, 2010 by hurt and devastated spelling
NABDP Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Man I hated reading this. So sorry man. When you get that glimmer of hope again to have the rug pulled out is the worst. I think the bright side here is that at least you have your answer. You can go back into NC now knowing that you took a shot and gave it your best. Everyone has had these stumbles in NC, it is not unusual AT ALL for this kind of thing to happen. Plus, you can now stop wondering about things, and just live your life, not knowing if she is hoping you will beg to see her, etc. You asked, you got an answer, now it's back to YOU and NC -- Let's see how long you can go this time. You are going to feel a little rough for a while here, that's normal, but gradually it will get better, faster than the last time you had contact even, I bet.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 That is one of the hardest things to hear, 'I don't have feelings for you anymore.' Very blunt and harsh. The positive here is that you can hopefully no longer be blindsighted by false hopes and expectations - there's nothing to hold you back anymore.
spriggig Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Thank you for stepping up and posting this. I'm sorry for your pain, but you should know that sharing this mistake will help others stay the course. You'll get through it in time.
Author AlwaysConflicted Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Plus, you can now stop wondering about things, and just live your life, not knowing if she is hoping you will beg to see her, etc. I still don't really understand why she broke up with me in the first place. She said I was a bit moody and that I failed an imaginary test. The test was: If you're eating a hamburger and your daughter is hungry what do you do? A: Buy your daughter a hamburger B: Give her your hamburger C: Tough luck. I said A: I would buy her a hamburger, but the right answer was B. She brought this test back up when I went to her house that night. I explained that if my imaginary daughter was hungry she would get a burger whether it was mine or a newly purchased one. But she insisted that a truly giving person would give their own burger. I am a bad person? I didn't realize I was even taking a test. I tried to apologize for any moodiness, but I had been going through a rough patch. All at once: I lost my job, had a major health issue, got audited by the IRS and my apartment suffered significant damage. Maybe this says something about her not sticking by my side? I don't know... I feel awful because I'm not normally moody, but I crumbled under the pressure of all those things happening at once. I truly don't understand why I lost my girlfriend. When I showed up at her house it was like talking to someone with amnesia. She didn't even really seem to understand why I was upset. So she broke up with me because I was having a tough time? I don't understand. She seemed caring and generous.
DadofTwoGirls Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 It's all a ruse to continue to see the other man..that's all it is, plain and simple..everything thing else is just hogwash.
spriggig Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Women (and probably some men too) have two pairs of glasses through which they look at the past. The red ones show only the bad things that happened and the blue ones show only the good things. When they are cheating on you, they only wear the red ones.
DenverBachelor Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I still don't really understand why she broke up with me in the first place. She said I was a bit moody and that I failed an imaginary test. The test was: If you're eating a hamburger and your daughter is hungry what do you do? A: Buy your daughter a hamburger B: Give her your hamburger C: Tough luck. I said A: I would buy her a hamburger, but the right answer was B. The answer is D: Break up with her imaginary mother. Anyone who gives tests like that and relies on them to make sound decisions on whom to date are so beyond stupid that I would just have to laugh it off and go to a nice bar to relax. You dodged a bullet and ultimately answered correctly on her test.
queensgal Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 I'm sorry you are going through this now. It's not good to not really know the reason's behind her decision. I would advice you to move on for now. Take care of yourself, do everything and anything you did not get to do while with her. You are important right now. Don't call her....if she calls you pick up...Don't tell her you miss her or anything. If she asks you how you are say that you are doing well, busy with some projects. I assure you that once she sees that you are busy and taking care of you...she might just want to give you a second chance, but in the meantime...date! Don't look to date...but if you find someone interesting date, go out with gf's (friends). Go out with your guys and distract yourself. I am sure you will miss her and feel hurt, but as long as you keep busy...she will not be on your mind (for the most part).
northstar1 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 AC, sorry to hear this. But don't be hard on yourself. You were having issues with NC, made an effort and got back confirmation that it is over. Now you can resolve yourself to NC and realize where you are at. I know it's too early for you to realize this, but based on your ex's reactions you will see that she wasn't an ideal partner. The fact she only was willing to stick with you during good times shows her character. Life and relationships are not always easy going and a good partner will stick by you through good and bad. The way she acted was very telling and selfish. I can relate, I went through a simliar bad time as you did, and my ex just wasn't able to empathize and instead turned my 'moodiness' as an insult to her and when it wasn't all 'fun', she wasn't willing to stick it out. At first, after the breakup, I took on all the blame, but after a while, I was able to see clearly that she just wasn't a very good girlfriend in ways that truly matter. You deserve someone who will stand by you when the chips are down and be willing to do what it takes to survive the low points. She wasn't the one.
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