i'mfaraway Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 These questions come from what I see. I just don't understand. Has this become normal modern life? Have you seen any of these? 1. Why do people date unhappy people? 2. Why do people marry unhappy people? 3. How do two unhappy people in a marriage function? Live their lives mechanically? 4. Why do people that don't like kids have kids?
bananaboat11 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I date unhappy people. I hate it. Those relationships NEVER work out.
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I date unhappy people. I hate it. Those relationships NEVER work out. But WHY do you date them?
carhill Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Balance. Happiness can be in abundance or a dearth, as extremes. When one feels abundance, they often overlook the reality of dearth. BTDT. If one's personality is that of a 'helper', or one has strong feelings of compassion, then feeling that abundance of happiness impels one to share it, to fill up the dearth. Without healthy boundaries, one can find that abundance, over time, to become a wasteland. Hoovers will do that to one. Since divorcing, I'm better at sussing out unhappy people and avoiding them. Gotta preserve my growing abundance as there is still a lot of life to live ....
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Balance. Happiness can be in abundance or a dearth, as extremes. When one feels abundance, they often overlook the reality of dearth. BTDT. If one's personality is that of a 'helper', or one has strong feelings of compassion, then feeling that abundance of happiness impels one to share it, to fill up the dearth. Without healthy boundaries, one can find that abundance, over time, to become a wasteland. Hoovers will do that to one. Since divorcing, I'm better at sussing out unhappy people and avoiding them. Gotta preserve my growing abundance as there is still a lot of life to live .... I know a couple that are both unhappy in the marriage. I don't know whether they were inherently unhappy people to begin with or one was an unhappy person and dragged the other down. But I feel really bad for them. I don't know how people can live with sad people. How fun is that?
bananaboat11 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 But WHY do you date them? this will sound incredible shallow, conceited, and arrogant. I am an amazing guy. I'm smart, confident, attractive, very fit, well to do, not hurting financially, in a prestigious graduate program going for my PhD, and USUALLY (not now obviously lol) humble, but CONFIDENT... in my look, presentation, speech, interaction, etc... these 'women' see this (so i'm told) and for some reason are drawn to me. The last 2 relationships... both women were unhappy with THEIR lives and pursued me over guys they could've had (for whatever reason)... the second broken, unhappy soul was too much... and I had learned from the first who burned me to stand on her own two feet again. I put my foot down and broke the relationship down. We ended mutually (b/c of me) and now we're in NC. although she broke NC.. and I was upset... we're back in NC hopefully for good. Why do I allow these women into my life is the real question? I do not know... I'm so busy with my Phd work I have no time to pursue women... so I see these attractive, what I think are smart women till I get to know them, interested in me... and I just go with it? heh... g-d help me.
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 this will sound incredible shallow, conceited, and arrogant. I am an amazing guy. I'm smart, confident, attractive, very fit, well to do, not hurting financially, in a prestigious graduate program going for my PhD, and USUALLY (not now obviously lol) humble, but CONFIDENT... in my look, presentation, speech, interaction, etc... these 'women' see this (so i'm told) and for some reason are drawn to me. The last 2 relationships... both women were unhappy with THEIR lives and pursued me over guys they could've had (for whatever reason)... the second broken, unhappy soul was too much... and I had learned from the first who burned me to stand on her own two feet again. I put my foot down and broke the relationship down. We ended mutually (b/c of me) and now we're in NC. although she broke NC.. and I was upset... we're back in NC hopefully for good. Why do I allow these women into my life is the real question? I do not know... I'm so busy with my Phd work I have no time to pursue women... so I see these attractive, what I think are smart women till I get to know them, interested in me... and I just go with it? heh... g-d help me. But were you happy in those relationships? To me, unhappiness is something that can't be concealed, and creates a negative energy. So I don't think it's an easy feat to be around unhappy people, let alone date or marry them.
bananaboat11 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 But were you happy in those relationships? To me' date=' unhappiness is something that can't be concealed, and creates a negative energy. So I don't think it's an easy feat to be around unhappy people, let alone date or marry them.[/quote'] Oh, the unhappiness broke through. The first one, I tolerated it b/c I thought... 'everyone has baggage' and to be in a relationship you need to MAKE it work. Nope. I was wrong. I was just a comfort for her. It sucked. I was so hurt. The second one... similar story... except she cut. I ran. Both girls I discovered early on they were unhappy with their own lives in some way, shape, or form. It began to tear me apart... I'm glad both relationships are done. I'll miss both girls, and I don't know why... Why did I even 'invest' into each of them? ugh. FML. w/e I seem to have met a confident, strong, intelligent woman... was @ her place till 5am this morning... we'll see where that goes. After the first girl burned me... her insecurities, unhappy ways, and depression rubbed off on me. I was miserable. this second one, having learned from the first.. I did NOT allow that to happen.
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Maybe for some it's love. Maybe for others, they think they're just stuck. Bananaboat, at least you had the sense to get out of it. The couple I know are still in it. Unbelievable.
carhill Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I don't know how people can live with sad people. How fun is that? I had an enormously grief-filled period in our M and stbx 'lived' with it by disconnecting from me. Perhaps that is how such 'sad' marriages work, IDK. For myself, such sadness was transitory, but for some, it is their predominant perspective, the stereotypical 'cup half empty'. For some folks and in some marriages, such dynamics work, even if such might seem unhealthy to myself (or to you). We all have our own paths.
bananaboat11 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Maybe for some it's love. Maybe for others, they think they're just stuck. Bananaboat, at least you had the sense to get out of it. The couple I know are still in it. Unbelievable. We're a product of the 60's and the sexual revolution. All those taboo's are completely acceptable now. Laissez-faire parenting and media castoffs depicting sex, drugs, etc as OK? ...it's convoluting the minds of our youth and making acts/deeds/experiences permissible when once upon a time they were looked down upon as degradable acts. sucks, but it's life now. the question goes on... how will you raise YOUR children? I know how I want to raise mine?
Bangle Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I haven't been happy, happy for about five years now, I get the occasional burst of happiness that lasts a few weeks maybe a few months at any one time, but it never lasts and I believe this is what is hampering my dating life.
Engadget Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 The truly happy are those who are most ignorant about the world. Frankly with the way things are, and how they seem to be going, how is anyone happy?
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 But wouldn't people be at least happy with their significant other? Otherwise, why marry or go out with them? I've seen two glum people together. What's up with that?! They look so pained.
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 sucks, but it's life now. the question goes on... how will you raise YOUR children? I know how I want to raise mine? About kids, one of the couples don't even want kids. At least I know the husband doesn't. But they still had kids. Why? I feel sorry for the kids because the husband isn't really there for them.
Author i'mfaraway Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 I haven't been happy, happy for about five years now, I get the occasional burst of happiness that lasts a few weeks maybe a few months at any one time, but it never lasts and I believe this is what is hampering my dating life. Doesn't seem to be the case since these unhappy people I see are in relationships.
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