amythan Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) I am very confused about this situation and i do not know how to handle it. I know this guy for two years and we were kind of friends and we have become very close during the last four months. He contacts me almost every day and shows interest in me. He remembers everything i say and he is always caring. We do not live in the same town and opportunities to see each other are not that frequent. He came here and we went out twice and we had the best time. Then i went there and we went out again and we slept together. The day after we went out in the afternoon and we had coffee and talked for hours. He said he didn't want me to leave. He wants to come here and asked me to go there also. I have a business trip next week so i will see him there. We are all very happy and he was joking saying i should stay ten days and that i am already booked PROBLEM is i do not know where this is going and what he wants. This makes me step back and always trying to control myself. I am scared to be involved and finally find he was just looking for a casual fling. I do not want to be hurt so sometimes i am thinking to stop this on my own terms and move on. Do not get me wrong, I do like him but i do not know if this is worth it. I would like to make plans with him but i do not dare to bring up the ideas up as i do not know if he is going to think i am too involved. And i do not call him for the same reason. Even if the few times i did he is always saying i am the cutest. How can i talk to him about that without scare him off ? Is too early ? Should i go with the flow and potentially being really hurt ? In this situation i cannot be completely myself and i just want to know if it is time to cut my loses. Thank you very much for your advice ! All your comments are really welcome. Edited June 27, 2010 by amythan
Diezel Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 How can i talk to him about that without scare him off ? Is too early ? Should i go with the flow and potentially being really hurt ? In this situation i cannot be completely myself and i just want to know if it is time to cut my loses. Thank you very much for your advice ! All your comments are really welcome. So many problems in relationships could be avoided if people just ASKED. The world would be so much better if communication was encouraged, but alas, that's not the dating world we live in. You say this has been going on for a few months? Then you are MORE than entitled to just ask. Look, I know it's counter-intuitive to think that you'll scare him off, but you have to ask yourself, if he's scared off because of you asking where you two stand, then is he truly worth it at all??? I highly doubt it. If you ask and he says he doesn't see himself in a relationship with you, you have your answer and you get over it much quicker than if you didn't ask and dragged this on for many more months. If he gets scared off, he's not worth it, you move on immediately. As I've said in other threads, I've never brought up exclusivity, rather, it became a civil conversation that was brought up after a few months, more often than not, by HER. Just ask. If he's really that much into you, after a few months, he'd be more than happy to answer the question of what you two are together. Or would you rather continue to have doubts and rack your brain over this endlessly?
deux ex machina Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) Agreed with Diezel. Just wanted to add - another downside to not bringing it up, is that this could be feeding some expectations that may or may not be reasonable right now. If you are at the stage where you are "wanting to know whether or not to cut your losses", this must be something that's been on your mind for a while. The uncertainty, combined with the emotional attachment, could start to put a subtle strain on the relationship. Even if left unexpressed. I see a much larger downside to not opening up communication about this, than putting it off...all the while getting more attached than you already are. Edited June 27, 2010 by deux ex machina
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