k934 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Hello all. A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated with another girl. THis friend now has another boyfriend 4 months after the first but she was really upset a couple of days ago because on their 1st date the girl who stole her first boyfriend was talking to her new boyfriend with some of her friends. SHe was so upset she just left as shortly after the girl started talking to her new boyfriend, she reailised that my friend was with him. She then proceeded to keep talking to him in front of her as if nothing was wrong. My friend was so upset she just left without saying anything to anyone. SHe is now uncertain of what happened that night between her new boyfriend and this girl and doesnt know what to do. Given the situation above of having that happen on your first date, how would you react? DO you make a scene then and there? Should she be worried because I think it is understandable to be upset in this situation. SHould she say something to the girl or to her "new boyfriend". I feel so bad for her
heavensmesenger Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let me get my head round this... Your friend and her old boyfriend break up because of the "other girl" Your friend gets a new boyfriend? "Other girl" sees your friend and new boyfriend on 1st date and decides to flirt with him?
Author k934 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 yes that is correct. I don't know how to advice her because its so cold what the other girl is doing. Does my friend have a right to warn he new bf away from this girl or is that too controlling. As an update from my previous post, it seems this girl is claiming that she wouldn't do what she did before again to my friend and wants to show her she is only trying to be friends with my friends new bf. its ridiculous if you ask me.
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Your friend should not be dating, it is obvious she has not healed from her first break-up. She should spend some time focusing on herself, build her shelf esteem, learn to enjoy being alone. If she does that well, the other girls will not be able to F#CK with her head, and will be able to handle situations like this with maturity and class even when dealing with a piece of trash like this other girl.
Author k934 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 i agree with your response but I must also ask, if any girl would really not get upset in this situation? I agree with you in that she should have some more time alone again but I am just thinking that I dont know if even I with a lot of time of in this situation would not get extremely pissed off at this girl. As I do not think she will end things with her new bf, how does one deal with this maturely?
GrayClouds Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 (edited) i agree with your response but I must also ask, if any girl would really not get upset in this situation? I agree with you in that she should have some more time alone again but I am just thinking that I dont know if even I with a lot of time of in this situation would not get extremely pissed off at this girl. As I do not think she will end things with her new bf, how does one deal with this maturely? Do not misunderstand me the "other girl" if all that you have said is true, the other girl is trash and your friends frustration with her is understandable. Though it is the behavior of those you care about that matters, not the idiots around them. The way she handle it says: 1. She caring issues about her last boyfriend that is interfering with her current relationships. She did not spend the time to heal and make herself stronger. 2. That enter into a relationship without really trusting the guy she is with otherwise she would have not assume the worst. 3. She lacking confidence to simply communicate to her new boyfriend her concerns in a manner to would increase understand of each other. If a person is confident in themselves, takes their time to build trust with the people first before they they enter into relationships, and they committee to it only when they feel secure, then they have a perspective that no matter poorly someone silly person behaves they will feel pity toward that person not anger. To handle it maturely would mean to pull her new boyfriend aside, communicate to him about the last relationship and the role the other girl played in it, and let him know that she would mean a great deal to her if he would not associate with the other girl. The challenge with that is the new boyfriend can say no or minimize her concerns which would tell her the new boy is not that into her. She would need the courage to walk away. That where the confidence comes in; know what you want and what you deserve, and willing to be alone for a time to get it. It is not easy stuff, that is why it is called maturity. Edited June 29, 2010 by GrayClouds
PharezOnyx Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I am sorry to hear what your friend is going through but unless she has self confidence issues, she shouldn't be worked up. We all have infinite potential to become anybody we want to and should not waste our lives mulling over who is going out with whom. I would advise her to take some time to evaluatee and improve herself, because anyone who can be bothered by the exploits of a flirt really needs to look inward. Tell her to forget about boyfriends (because no one can validate her), build herself on relevant books and programmes, and she will attract people that value her. She will have to change the circle she moves in.
Author k934 Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Thank you for your responses. Just one more query, by "change the circles she moves in", do you mean that she should cut contacts with all her current groups of friends? or keep some? not go out to the places she used to? Sorry i'm just a little confused by that.
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