Straight from my Heart! JRR

[Johnno21]

This is probably the most hardest thing i have ever done in my life..

My story.

 

i am recently single i have been completly single for the last month an a half i was with my girlfriend for ruffly four years every single day is a heart ache . after being together or about 3 years and 8 months me and my ex had many fights do to the fact that her mum is a gambler and a phyco and she knows it and she does all the smart things any person would with a mother like that but i was so unhappy living with her mum and i missed all my friends.. (background information. we lived together since we were 17 we were in love.. i actually thought that this is the women of my dreams.. i liked her for years and i was her first EVERYTHING which her innocents was the most important thing to many because she wasnt like every other girl).. back to the story we broke up due to the fact that we were so unhappy with each other but we did this before and it was just to get abit of space and then things would be better then ever. but this time it was different.. she started going out with all of these slutty friends of her and wearing such whorish clothing and i couldnt take it so i moved out

 

and then we seen each othe still and spent had sex and the first time we did it after we broke up she said 'was i different in anyway' and i knew it but i didnt wanna face it and i wanted her back so much because i loved her and missed her and she told me all she did and within 2 months she slept with a total of 5 different guys over and over again and i got back with her knowing this and i called her every single horrible you could ever think of,,, all her friends said "ohh well you were single why shouldnt you" and omg i wanted to knock them F'n B...hes out! the love of my life turned into THIS!!! i had no respect for her and my loved turned into hate really fast... i couldnt eat/ sleep/ couldnt cry/ couldnt have fun .. i did stupied things in my car .. and i just got in contact with her after 2 months not seing her and all that comes into my mine is dont fall for it think of all them guys shes prob slept with.. i cant be with THAT GIRL!.. when i tried getting back with her and she told me everything i tried my hardest to try and forget about them other guys .. touching her was like a knife to the heart .. couldnt even be in the same room as her without feeling like im gonna go insane.. that contact we had recently she was crying and say that she wrote me all these letters and saying that she made a mistake,

 

she has no one her family are all gone and i was her only one... and if only she didnt sleep around my love for her would be so strong and pure but the innocent little girl that i use to love is gone and im not gonna get stuck with the left overs .. i am a great guy.. well i use to be .. this broke me i have no respect for the majority of women they give it up so easily and they are pathitic.. what happened to the morals which use to exist! .. its so hard to move on if only i had the girl that use to be my one! and only she was and will always be that person although i can never be with her.. she says shes done wrong .. but seriously having sex with all these guys over and over again .. SERIOUSLY thats LIES! the girl i had was full of morals love and respect and i regret EVERYTHING!!!

 

just writing now brings so many memories back good and bad. I have this knecklace she brought me and engraved for me which was a silver bullet which had STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART J.R.R.. which ment something to us .. it was a saying which ment the bullet is from her heart which is a symbol of her love for me giving me something from her heart i still have that knecklace and i wore it everyday since she gave me it .. i have it but cant touch it ..

 

i recently hurt my back at work really badly and the doctor gave me 10 mg of morphine and sometimes i would long for them just to feel no pain for a while physicall and phycologically but guess what my body rejects morphine and it does nothint to me.. one day i though maybe increase the doseage so i had 25 mg and did nothing . never do it again .. im 20 and mature not and idiot but i wish there was just one tablet that i could take for just one day to lose all the heart ache just to have 24 hrs of relief so i could heal!!!! but there is no such thing ... i wish

 

its kinda funny how life can change .. i refuse to give up and refuse to give in on finding the girl of my dreams even knowing its a impossible task know i cant trust another women.. all these girls that i have that are my friends try to get with me and i find them so ugly and i compare them even knowing that are awsome girls with nothing wrong with them at all but i just cant be with anyone i need to be selfish sometimes.. my happiness should mean more to me now then ever..

 

im sure many guys have had there heart broken like this i just want some hope knowing things get better.. thank you to anyone who reads this i appreciate the time that you spent reading my sob story.. i guess life goes on .. goodbye ......... JRR

[ALombard]

Your post was a little hard to read. But the last part seems to be what you're focused on.

 

Listen and listen well. That feeling you're having, the one that makes it seem like you will never get over her, how no girl compares to her, how you'd rather just fall asleep and never wake up again. We all go through it, especially when we are the one's being left.

 

To answer your question though, it does get better, extremely better actually. For example a little over 2 months ago I was just a complete mess, I'm pretty much back to my old happy self. Of course I do miss "her" at times but I realized a long time ago it wasn't really "her" just the feeling of having someone there for me all the time. The rate at which you recover is based entirely on you. If you want those bad feelings to go away you have to force yourself out of this slump.

[Johnno21]

i know its hard to read because of all the looping and crossing over.. but in my head it right .. and i actually left her which doesnt bring me any comfort but there are some great things in life that iv realised for example the girl who i actually was with for about 3 yeah is gone and the person who i broke up with was a stranger and just something else i guess you could call it .. im alot more happier knowing things get better i knew it would.. depression is such a strong a powerful influence.. thank you for reading my post..

 

Just wondering how do you find another special one without having memories replay in your mind.. of your previous partner .. is that possible or is it just wishful thinking?