frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let's say your SO has a NEW friend of the opposite sex and they have dinner 4-5 times a year, always alone in an upscale restaurant and usually until late at night. How would you feel about this?
alphamale Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 How would you feel about this? i would wonder why i'm not invited
MyNameIsJonas Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I'd be cautiously suspicious. I would start asking about the new friend and, specifically, when I can meet this person. I would also be a bit insistent on the meeting. If I was met with resistance, then I would know something was up.
Morals Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let's say your SO has a NEW friend of the opposite sex and they have dinner 4-5 times a year, always alone in an upscale restaurant and usually until late at night. How would you feel about this? Let's ask some clarifying questions of this situation before we go assuming shall we? How long have you been with your SO?Regardless of length of relationship, have you two made it clear that you are both exclusive to each other?Is this "other guy" homosexual?Not to mention 4-5 times a year is not alot. If it were something behind your back I would suspect 1)it would be more frequently and 2) she wouldn't even have mentioned the dinner dates in the first place. The fact she mentions them either means she highly respects you and thinks there is a level of trust there (that apparently you don't feel). It could be bad, but before you go accusing I would have my ducks in a row, otherwise those accusations could very well end the relationship.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 A 'new' friendship, at an expensive place, with the opposite sex, and from which I am excluded? Dealbreaker for me. Period. Are you excluded from this 'dinner date' thing?
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 i would wonder why i'm not invited Let's say it's a friend from work so they talk about stuff that could eventually bore you.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Let's ask some clarifying questions of this situation before we go assuming shall we? How long have you been with your SO?Regardless of length of relationship, have you two made it clear that you are both exclusive to each other?Is this "other guy" homosexual?Not to mention 4-5 times a year is not alot. Let's say the relationship has been exclusive for about a year. The "friend" is single and not gay. I thought the same about 4-5 times a year not being a lot.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 A 'new' friendship, at an expensive place, with the opposite sex, and from which I am excluded? Dealbreaker for me. Period. Are you excluded from this 'dinner date' thing? You know what, I was thinking about the expensive part and it was bugging me a bit. We're not poor but $300 dinners aren't part of our routine either. And yes, I am excluded. I am typically excluded from his work friends (and vice versa).
alphamale Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let's say it's a friend from work so they talk about stuff that could eventually bore you. oh "friends" from work are the worst kind
norajane Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 You know what, I was thinking about the expensive part and it was bugging me a bit. We're not poor but $300 dinners aren't part of our routine either. And yes, I am excluded. I am typically excluded from his work friends (and vice versa). I would think he's got a thing for her. Fancy restaurant dinners that cost $300 take a very long time, include many courses and good wine, with solicitous, attentive service. It makes them both feel special and it puts them in an intimate mood where there is laughter, engaging conversation, eye contact and a little bubble around them where the outside world, and thoughts of the outside world and other people, do not intrude. She enjoys and is flattered by the attention, and so is he. Since they only do this 4 or 5 times a year, it is special to them both and they look forward to it. He's got a thing for her. She is resisting it going further, for one reason or another, but this is not purely a work/friends casual dinner, and she definitely likes him, too. Work talk is a very small part of their conversation, very small. And if he's always paying for both of them? He's got a BIG thing for her. Been there, done that, and always got bouquets of flowers from him the next day. Or earlier that day, depending. Does he ever do this with you?
threebyfate Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 If this is the same "friend" who he plans to fly to another city where she lives so he can take her to a concert, a concert he can attend in your city, I would say they have something going.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I would think he's got a thing for her. Fancy restaurant dinners that cost $300 take a very long time, include many courses and good wine, with solicitous, attentive service. It makes them both feel special and it puts them in an intimate mood where there is laughter, engaging conversation, eye contact and a little bubble around them where the outside world, and thoughts of the outside world and other people, do not intrude. She enjoys and is flattered by the attention, and so is he. Since they only do this 4 or 5 times a year, it is special to them both and they look forward to it. He's got a thing for her. She is resisting it going further, for one reason or another, but this is not purely a work/friends casual dinner, and she definitely likes him, too. Work talk is a very small part of their conversation, very small. And if he's always paying for both of them? He's got a BIG thing for her. Been there, done that, and always got bouquets of flowers from him the next day. Or earlier that day, depending. Does he ever do this with you? Thanks for the feedback. I don't really know who pays and I'd say he's not the flower type of guy. But the rest of your analysis got me concerned though. I was thinking along the same lines myself.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 If this is the same "friend" who he plans to fly to another city where she lives so he can take her to a concert, a concert he can attend in your city, I would say they have something going. Yes it's the same "friend" indeed.
norajane Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 How is she a NEW friend if they have a history of going out to these dinners 4 or 5 times a year? And, yes, if he's flying to her city to attend a concert with her...if there isn't something going on between them already, the only thing preventing it from happening is whatever reason she has for holding back at this point. Maybe because she knows he's dating you.
homersheineken Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let's say it's a friend from work so they talk about stuff that could eventually bore you. You still didn't answer the question
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 How is she a NEW friend if they have a history of going out to these dinners 4 or 5 times a year? And, yes, if he's flying to her city to attend a concert with her...if there isn't something going on between them already, the only thing preventing it from happening is whatever reason she has for holding back at this point. Maybe because she knows he's dating you. I consider her a new friend since most of his friends are from high school or university. He's only known her relatively recently through work. I'm not aware of all the details but I believe they've been out maybe 10 times in total but each dinner is about 3 months apart.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 You still didn't answer the question I'm not invited because it's part "business"...
nittygritty Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Yes, it would bother me if my boyfriend was dating another woman. I'd break up with him.
Diezel Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I would just LOVE to walk in here and say they are "F-Buddies", but I don't remember the last time I spent 300 bucks on a dinner and then more money on a concert on someone who was just an F Buddy. That being said... the whole situation is weird. Everyone told you that last time, I don't know what you expect to have changed since the last thread you made.
Confusedalways Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Yes, it would bother me if my boyfriend was dating another woman. I'd break up with him. same! That's ridiculous.
sally4sara Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Let's say your SO has a NEW friend of the opposite sex and they have dinner 4-5 times a year, always alone in an upscale restaurant and usually until late at night. How would you feel about this? We've gone over this in your other thread about him telling you he had to go to a concert with this girl out of town because of his job. You found out that wasn't true. It doesn't matter what other people think about this. YOU don't like it. You already got a bunch of answers concerning this. You are only seeking a way to become okay with something you're clearly not okay with. If you were okay with this, one thread about it would have satisfied you. Find someone you're more compatible with. Stop going crazy over a guy who doesn't think like you and will not refrain from doing things that clearly upset you.
homersheineken Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I'm not invited because it's part "business"... yeah, that's called BS. What is the other part?
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 We've gone over this in your other thread about him telling you he had to go to a concert with this girl out of town because of his job. You found out that wasn't true. It doesn't matter what other people think about this. YOU don't like it. You already got a bunch of answers concerning this. You are only seeking a way to become okay with something you're clearly not okay with. If you were okay with this, one thread about it would have satisfied you. Find someone you're more compatible with. Stop going crazy over a guy who doesn't think like you and will not refrain from doing things that clearly upset you. I definitely appreciate your advice and from a logical standpoint you are definitely right. The only reason I am beating myself up over this is because I have some friends of mine who are higher up in the company and they sometimes go out with business colleagues one-on-one and their SO aren't invited. My friends have sort of explained to me that it's part of the business game and that I'll undersand when I get there. The situation certainly makes me feel uncomfortable but I want to find out whether my discomfort is warranted.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 yeah, that's called BS. What is the other part? Networking?
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