fubulandus Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 We recently broke up, tried my best to make her happy. I am not gonna act like I was perfect, I made mistakes but was always there for her. Never abused her like her exes. Her biggest complaint about me was that I was a little distant. To my defense medical school is kind of demanding. I really wanted her to be my queen.:Hi xxxxxxxx, here we are once again , another letter to explain myself on another issue. Well I am letting it all out in this one and after that I have nothing else to say. I just want you to know a few things ,so I hope I do come across as clear as possible. I must admit as I am writing this I am filled with a bunch of emotions that I am not going to hesitate to say whether you like it or not. I will tell who what I am mad about first. I realize something with you that I am tired of, In the past two years every time you get upset or you don't perceive things to go your way , you go through this thing of " oh I am not going to talk to him" period. Then I try to fix things and in the process have to embarrass myself. I have always had to prove how much I want to be with you. I did a lot to show you that I truly cared , waited in front of your classroom, ask random people if they know who you are . You act like I was so bad and you were so perfect that you always treat me like garbage and I have to run after you like a little puppet. Well here is a little news flash for you , YOU AiN'T PERFECT NEITHER, but I was never asking you to be , you always gave me all these lists about what you expect and what you not going to compromise on. Ask yourself this question and be honest , how many times did you have to prove yourself to me, how many times did I ever ignore your calls days at a time. I have never done anything close to that to you . I know that I am not perfect , I know you think I can be more open and that may be true, but one thing you can't say is that I am a runner. I stood with you through it all to work it out together. In times past I have been the recipient of your anger, you cursed me out more than once, yelled at me and all I did was take it even though you say I am the one that is short tempered. I could have done all that to you but I never did because when you love someone you don't run when you hit problems. what also made it worse is that you always snapped at me when I said anything but then you go talk to a third party and then you get an epiphany about the situation, then you want to talk about it. I don't appreciate that at all. Sometimes you at like as if I am not there for you. I have stood with you because I truly care for you , I truly want to be there to protect you. You think I go around looking for things to criticize you on. I was the way how I was sometimes because I wanted the best for you, I never wanted anybody to say anything about you behind your back. You are not my child that I think I have to fix but I just wanted to have your back. For some reason you thought was attacking you, if my tone was off when I said it then for that I apologize. if I did not care about anything I would have just stayed quiet or not even attempt to help. xxxxxxxxxx you really do mean a lot to me. I always speak highly to all my friends about you. I was never ashamed to be seen with you at all. I would give my left arm to make all this drama go away or at least what I am responsible for. I envision you having my children , me coming home from practice to seeing you and the kids. I had dreams of us living in xxxxxxx park and taking the kids out on a Sunday with the dog for ice cream. We could have shared stories to our kids about where mommy and daddy met. I am in the stage of my life where I want to build something special with one person. I must admit I am a much better man because of you, no lie, you have been a rock and supported me through a lot, words can't describe my gratitude. I think this situation is weird to me because just in April you left me a sticky note saying so many things. You asked me to be patient with you as you deal with your issues, you said I have all the qualities that you are looking for in a husband. I told you that I am always here for you and was not going anywhere. xxxxxxxxx even as I am writing this letter I am angry but I still love you , I still love you but I realize that I need to start loving myself too. What I mean by that is that I would no longer be gong beyond fifty percent. You have said in times past that you were willing to walk away and that I kept pulling you back. It would seem you came back because I pushed you to. This time it has to be different, if you and I do go back on that level it has to be a fifty/ fifty effort on both of our parts. This time I leave everything in GOD's hand and I just pray for his will to be done. I pray you find all the answers you are looking for . I was really looking forward to us celebrating my own accomplishments this summer like passing my boards and getting my license. I hope we use this time to grow and mature, I know I have my ways good and bad , I want to keep getting better in all areas of my life. As you read this I just want you to know this is not a goodbye letter, I am just right there at the fifty line border( for how long I can't say). I am not going to delete your number , erase all memories of you or speak ill of you to anyone. if we never get back to that point, I promise I will never defame your character to anyone or give any details to anyone about anything that happen between us. I really wanted the dating line to end with you and grow old with you . I hope you don't just see me as another ex and that from time to time you will think about me and I hope that puts a brief smile on your face. I have no regrets meeting you at all. You are a gem and a rose with beauty. I will miss you alot. take care my love." I know it is long but I went all out.
romango Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Don't you dare send that letter. You're pretending you're not groveling when it is clear that you are. If you're going to bother sending a letter at all, it's best to keep some of your dignity. She'll read between the lines and know that she's got you where she wants you. Under her thumb.
GrayClouds Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 It will only make you look weak, bitter, and desperate.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Don't send it, please spare yourself the dignity. I speak from the dumper's perspective. When I ended things with my ex ex many years ago, it was because he was an emotional cripple and was blackmailing me and I couldn't take it anymore. I'm a fun loving, positive person and no matter how I tried to fix him, he didn't want to be fixed. And I had enough. Anyway, when I left him, I had very little respect for him after how he made me feel. He sent me a letter a little like this a couple of months after I left, which I skimmed over and barely gave a second thought to. He looked so desperate and clingy in the letter, and just cemented why I had to get rid of him out of my life. Whatever last tiny shred of dignity that he may have had was destroyed well and truly when he sent it to me. So, don't do it!
Ronni_W Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Here's the truth of it: She's your ex. She doesn't care what you're mad about or tired of. She doesn't care what you think of her or feel about anything. She's not interested in your fantasy of the kind of life you could have had. In any case, the "first half" of your letter negates the second half. If you haven't already done so, do not send it. It's weak, pathetic, needy and manipulative. You probably deserve better from yourself.
Tayla Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Oy vey! Not only do not send it, burn it, ...or better yet, save it and picture frame it, in one year from now, I want you to go back and read this and see it the way most of us are reading it. Its a piece of work ..in a picasso , obsure way. Also, get counseling...medical school is tough enough and your going to need to learn objective skills when accessing things. The letter missed that mark entirely.
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 You sound petulant my friend. Save yourself and face. No contact. Go find something and someone better to do
Tree Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 It will only make you look weak, bitter, and desperate. Agreed....
Username37 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Don't make the same mistake I did. Sent a letter, she said no, and what did she do? Talk more smack about me and brought me back to square one. Your ex thinks your trash. No Contact. It's the way to go.
FatMan Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Do not send that letter, for so many reasons. I agree sending a letter is a good idea, so you're on the right track there but, not that one. Send one that is simple and to the point. If you really love this person and want them back what needs to be done first is for you to show that you are ok with the break-up. That will show them that you are moving on and allow them to begin missing you. Start by apologizing for what happened, the root cause, not just the surface issues, make sure you acknowledge their feelings and show you understand. Then let them know you ARE ok with the break up, say it is the best decision for both of you right now, that will validate them. Then simply close with by saying you would like to remain their friend, this will keep the communication open for later when you are ready to get them back. They fell in love with you once so it will be easy to do it again, you just need to give them time to miss you. When you contact them in a month or so after the letter has been sent, set up a short friendly encounter, coffee, lunch, something. During this encounter be your best, be the person they fell in love with only better, remind them of what you two had through your actions. Let them set up the next encounter but, follow the same steps as the first. Within a few months you should be back where you were before you broke up.
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