Susanx Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I have been through emotional cruelty for many many many years now. I have not been allowed to have an opinion for so long - only his opinions and feelings count. He has been threatening to leave for years now and I dont know what to do anymore. How do you continue in such circumstances? If one could will themselves to do, I would have this week. I'm soooo drained emotionally that I dont know what to do anymore.
tiarabun Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 trust me on this. one day you'll be fed up with the crying. you will realize this guy isnt worthy of your tears. You will allow yourself for one last cry and then you will not shed another tear for him. I broke up with my ex a little over a month ago, but before we officially ended it we went through more than a week of telephone fight, me not knowing whether he still wanted to work on it, torture from uncertainties and a lot of frustrations. so basically i had been crying my heart out for some time even before we ended it for good. for a few days after the official break up, i cried every morning, every night, until on that fourth night i was stupid enough to break NC only to find my calls unanswered and unreturned. then a thought struck me: if he is living his life so fully without me, what is the point of me being miserable like this? i texted him for the last time: I know you don't want me to be part of your life anymore. You are happier without me. I will no longer allow myself to be miserable. starting today i will make myself happy again. at that time i was so emotionally unstable that i had to stay with my cousin because he didnt want me to be alone. so after i texted my ex, i walked into my cousin's room (who was playing video game btw) in tears, hugged him and swore it would be the very last time i ever cried for this man. I let it all out. i deleted all the text msgs and his numbers, and never checked his blog ever again. im not lying and saying im 100 percent over him. i still get upset from feeling rejected, but i know im getting better every day.
Treasa Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Honey, my first thought after everything I've been through is to tell you to RUN! Beat him to the dumping first. Seriously. You are giving him way too much power over you! If you aren't ready to do that, then demand couples counseling for both of you. If you aren't willing to do that, then I pray for you. I pray he does leave and quickly so that you can be out of this emotionally abusive relationship and start healing. I am where you are, except in my case he already dumped. Five times in six years. Every time I begged him back. Every time he dumped me was out of the blue and for a stupid reason. And every time was after he already hadn't been treating me all that awesomely. In his mind he's great and can do no wrong. He's a narcissist. Yours might be that way. At the very least, yours is pathological like mine. HE WON'T CHANGE. That means that YOU have to change. I won't lie. It's hard as hell. Get yourself a lot of friends (that aren't mutual) and family for emotional support, get a good psychologist, and start learning to love yourself more than you love him. PLEASE don't give him or ANYONE this much power over you!
Author Susanx Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I hear what you are saying but its sooo hard........I love the man and have come a long way with him, met him when he was a nobody and nothing - was just starting out in life, I know how he can be when his head is not taken over by the madness that makes him cruel and mean. I dont believe in divorce and I have rally taken a lot from him because of that. He is selfish and thinks that unless he is not getting what he wants and Im not doing what he wants then it is not working. He claims he wants me to be happy but what he really means is that if he's happy then I should be happy. After years of this emotional cruelty, I met an old friend from my past and we started talking and before I knew it, he was comfiorting me and it even became physical. Seperately from the physical aspect, he really supported me through my emotional torture and helped me through it. My husband found out and made the entire marital problems about my infidelity. Granted Im not proud of myself, I have never been unfaithful before this and I have never contemplated it previously and when I started talking with my old friend that was never the intention..........I was just vulnerable and he was there for me. Now my husband keeps bringing up that issue as if it is the cause of everything and he has refused to accept that there were other issues before that.........I feel helpless into any sort of decision making. I dont know what to do. I dont even know if I am capable of loving myself again after what I've been through
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