Lost_and_insecure Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Ok so for anyone reading this, I know I'm going to sound like the biggest jerk ever, and maybe I am, but I really need some help here. First let me give you a rundown of the situation. I lost my virginity to my current wife when I was 17. She got pregnant when we were 18. We got married when we were 19. Now we're both 20 and it just got bad. I work every day and sleep very little every night which can kinda make me an ass. This last week I was a little distant from my wife and really haven't had my heart in it. Yesterday we got in a big fight about me not loving her and I really figured that it was over and that's it. Two days ago I made arrangements to meet with a girl I know for a sexual encounter and yesterday I went through with it. Even the girl told me that it was a bad idea and that we shouldn't do it but I insisited and so we did. After the encounter, I met with my best friend and we talked about the fight I had with my wife, although I didn't tell him about the other girl. Afterwards I finally started to realize that I really do want to be with my wife, and I do love her. She is so good to me and I know I could never get another one like her, but I don't want to hurt her. It actually ended up being the best sex I've ever had and a part of me wants to do it again. I don't know weather or not I will but I don't know what to do now. My wife is a great person and I do love her. We have a house and a daughter and our whole lives are based on being with eachother. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
imagine Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Some folk here will disagree on this: In marriage -honesty in everything. Before your marriage. During the marriage, keep your marriage bed clean. Tell her everything. Share your future thoughts and sexual temptations -you will need her help. Sharing this mistake will be a big deal for her. She will probably try to punish you. Be very careful when you explain it. Never, never try and justify it.
Author Lost_and_insecure Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 I can't tell her... I just can't do it... It would ruin her... She always told me that she loved that I would never cheat on her and he I go doing this. I thought that the one time would satisfy my curiosity but instead it did the opposite. I can't stop think about it and how good it was. At the same time I can't stop thinking about how bad I feel about it. I'm so lost.
LSNoob Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Wow, you are one messed up weak man. Feel sorry for you man. Sux to be you.
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Dude, Let me say first I have never cheated on anyone...ever Now, First don't let people's righteous indignation get to you. People have many opinions about cheaters. I have been cheated on, and have suspected of being cheated on. So I am not one to forgive and forget. People have this idea that once a cheater always a cheater. I am of the mindset that if people learn from their mistakes...they can grow from it. That's how people should live their lives. Your situation, I am not going to tell you to tell your S/O. I know many people will call me evil because of this. And it is not healthy to keep secrets. But no one here, and I mean no one can ever say they have never kept 1 secret from their S/O whether it be major or minor. Sometimes we forget, sometimes things happen in our past we don't discuss. We all have secrets that we don't want to discuss. But, at the same time, you have to be a man and man up. You choose not to tell your S/O fine...But do the right thing. You "Love her" then prove it. You want to play the field, and explore that's fine...but TELL HER YOU WANT THAT. If you try to have it both ways everyone will be destroyed. If you love her, do what you need to. And... LSNoob, everyone one is weak in some way shape or form. Just today my S/O told me some random guy from high school contacted her on facebook and bluntly told her he had a crush on her in high school and regretted not telling her and wanting to go to dinner with her. No, it did not please me, I am weeks away from gliding my ring on her finger. Our relationship is real, ups and downs and in love...and you know what...I trust her and she was honest with me.... I was still a little jealous...a flaw...we are all flawed...
aerogurl87 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 You cheated and wanna do it again. Well, is it worth it? Do you think f**king this other girl is worth losing your family over? If you do, come clean with your wife and tell her the truth, that you want out. If not, STILL come clean with her and tell her the truth. You vowed to be faithful to her, you broke those vows and now you need to face the consequences.
Author Lost_and_insecure Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 To JacquesA.LeFrancais, thank you for your input. It is very helpful. I guess I just gotta think more, but I'm still unsure what to do. And to aerogurl87, u make a good point too. If anyone has anymore input, I'm more than willing go hear it
whichwayisup Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Get help. Counselling. To help you become man, a mature responsible man. It sounds like you weren't ready to get married, let alone have a child yet. To have a fight with your wife and assume or say your marriage is over? Sorry, but that's not mature thinking or reacting to a fight. It actually ended up being the best sex I've ever had and a part of me wants to do it again. I don't know weather or not I will but I don't know what to do now. Sadly, you did something you shouldn't have, cheat on your wife and now you aren't even sure if you can stay faithful to her. You owe your wife the truth. It's too bad you didn't worry or think about her, your child and family unit before you chose to go seek out someone else and have sex. I am sorry that I'm being blunt and harsh here, but reality is, if you don't tell your wife, someone else might. Maybe that woman you slept with could tell someone too and it could get out one day. Never say never. If you love your wife and want your marriage, work for it. Marriage isn't easy! Life is hard alot of the times, no sex, busy lives, kid keeps you up, daily stresses, fights with the spouse.. ALL reasons to stay faithful not run away at the first time of trouble.
Blade Runner Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) Yikes man. You're saying "Oh I love her so much my whole life is based on being with her" blah blah blah. Then you say you're thinking about cheating again. Are you serious? Bit late now. You have a wife. You have a Daughter. That was your choice. Sounds like you got married way too early. Sounds like you should have waited 10 years, travelled the world, slept with a few women, done some stupid stuff, done all the trivial stuff, then maybe you'd realize that people who truly love you are rare in this world. If you don't tell her now, who's to say it won't come up at some later date. This other girl could get attached and go crazy when you have to break it off. Or she might get suspicious later and find out that way. You never know. I really don't know what advice to give. Do you want to be married? Do you want to raise a kid and stay true to your wife, or would you rather be doing something else? Be 100% honest with yourself - responsibilities aside, first of all, what do you really want? Do you know? Either way, you can't have both. Edited June 27, 2010 by Blade Runner
that girl Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 You need to tell her. Some people will argue it is okay not tell if you know you will never do it again, but that is irrelevant because you are already planning on doing it again. Second of all, she has a right to know what you did. Not only because something is wrong in the relationship and you are untrustworthy, but because it is remotely possible that you could give her an STI.
samsungxoxo Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 You said it felt good and you can't stop thinking about it.... this means you would do it again if given the chance esp. whenever there is another argument. In this case you would have to spill the beans. If you weren't using protection during that time then you do need to tell her as well too. I don't know but it seems like you rushed too fast into marriage and being a father. I get the idea that you want to hold on to your wife because she's the woman who took your virginity.... most of us holds that person in a special space (I too want to marry my boyfriend someday and so does he... at the same time he is my first too). However are you sure you're not confusing love with feelings of attachment (esp. if she was your 1st)? Lastly, if you're going to keep this a secret and you are clear on the STD's issue or getting the OW pregnant then work on your temper. Very few people would wonder off a marriage/long term relationship after an argument and immediately assume it's over.
TLCbear Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Before you do anything, you need to find out exactly what you want because you can't have both. You may love your wife and not want to hurt her, but lets face it, you already have by cheating. Regardless, you need to communicate with your wife and be truthful...no matter how hard it is. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you want her to do the same???
Dexter Morgan Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 Afterwards I finally started to realize that I really do want to be with my wife, and I do love her. She is so good to me and I know I could never get another one like her, but I don't want to hurt her. please explain to me how it is love to sleep with someone else. It actually ended up being the best sex I've ever had and a part of me wants to do it again. then don't tell us you love your wife. I don't know weather or not I will but I don't know what to do now. My wife is a great person and I do love her. We have a house and a daughter and our whole lives are based on being with eachother. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you. So you don't know if you will do it again? then you just go ahead and keep this from your wife, even though if you had the balls to cheat, and think you might have the balls to cheat again, just not the balls to come clean. In your case, if you don't come clean you WILL do this again. On the other hand, I'd say file for divorce because your wife deserves better than you, a cheater. But if you don't face any consequences to your actions, you will just keep on going through life doing what you are doing and getting away with it. I feel sorry for your wife. Many men wish they had a good, faithful wife like yours. You have that and don't appreciate her. You take her for granted. There are tons of men out there that wouldn't. Wouldn't the least selfish thing you could do would be to let her go so she can find one of those good men? And yes, I know you aren't going to entertain that idea. So I say it more to make you realize she does deserve better and you need to freakin' grow up. but it would be nice if your wife could find a good man. life is too short to be with someone that would disprespect and betray one so badly.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 To JacquesA.LeFrancais, thank you for your input. It is very helpful. I guess I just gotta think more, but I'm still unsure what to do. what is it you are unsure about? whether to keep cheating? whether to tell your wife? whether to get a divorce? what?
CrayonAngel Posted July 27, 2010 Posted July 27, 2010 This isn't the first time this same EXACT story has been posted in the same EXACT words..I'm confused are you a spammer?
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