The ASSUMPTION of the "Friendzone"

[ecto-1]

Why is it people, when they hear a scenario between a first couple of dates between a man or a woman....that they assume "Sorry man, you've just been friendzoned"

 

"Oh, man she hugged you and didn't give you a lip lock on the first date, she's friendzoned you dude"

 

Or whatever lame reasons OTHER people think you've been FZ'ed....why is this? Is it because they feel better, because they've been FZ'ed and they only ASSUME the same of you?

 

Everything is on a case by case basis none of which can be assumed.

 

Oh man, she talked about a previous online dating experience, she's friendzoned you!"

 

It's this self-defeatest attitude of these people who have no positivity?

 

Ironically, I prefer to be friends first, not have sex on X date, etc etc. Or whatever "Trendy" dating method that's considered "in".

 

 

SO what gives what's with all this negativity?

[Diezel]

Although I do agree that people are quick to "Friendzone Assess", I will disagree with how YOU approach relationships.

 

While you are putting yourself into the FZ, trying to build up her trust and having her see you as a quality man, she's probably going out with other guys.

 

And once a woman has her sights on you as a friend, it's REALLY tough to shed that image. It's more work to come out of a FZ and become a relationship (Unless you are in highschool or college) than to just state your intentions from the beginning.

 

Sorry, but my time is gold. I am not going to meet someone in the corporate world and try to be her friend first.

[nebri8ted]

Although I do agree that people are quick to "Friendzone Assess", I will disagree with how YOU approach relationships.

 

While you are putting yourself into the FZ, trying to build up her trust and having her see you as a quality man, she's probably going out with other guys.

 

And once a woman has her sights on you as a friend, it's REALLY tough to shed that image. It's more work to come out of a FZ and become a relationship (Unless you are in highschool or college) than to just state your intentions from the beginning.

 

Sorry, but my time is gold. I am not going to meet someone in the corporate world and try to be her friend first.

 

 

My feelings exactly. After a divorce why wait in the FZ ?

[ecto-1]

Although I do agree that people are quick to "Friendzone Assess", I will disagree with how YOU approach relationships.

 

While you are putting yourself into the FZ, trying to build up her trust and having her see you as a quality man, she's probably going out with other guys.

 

And once a woman has her sights on you as a friend, it's REALLY tough to shed that image. It's more work to come out of a FZ and become a relationship (Unless you are in highschool or college) than to just state your intentions from the beginning.

 

Sorry, but my time is gold. I am not going to meet someone in the corporate world and try to be her friend first.

 

I have stated my intentions from the beginning, that I'm interested in her, and I'm attracted to her, so she knows where I stand....the next time I ask her out, I will probably take it up even another notch.

 

"Listen, I'm interested in seeing you as a date the next time we go out, since I've met you, I feel we have a lot in common"

 

The last guy that tried to move to fast....well, shows that she's interested in friends first as well, so that proves she's different from most women....he was trying to rub her knee, calling her baby...she was seriously irritated that he kept calling her pet names as if they were ALREADY a couple.

 

So, it shows how I'm going in the right direction with this, and he basically screwed up and just irritating the crap out of her to the point where he qualifies to have a restraining order filed. lol

[nebri8ted]

lol

 

Dude it seems we are in similar situations. Check out my post I'm going through the same sh** with someone i've kinda fallen for but have only known for less than 3 weeks. "I dont know where we are at"

[Diezel]

The last guy that tried to move to fast....well, shows that she's interested in friends first as well, so that proves she's different from most women....he was trying to rub her knee, calling her baby...she was seriously irritated that he kept calling her pet names as if they were ALREADY a couple.

 

So, it shows how I'm going in the right direction with this, and he basically screwed up and just irritating the crap out of her to the point where he qualifies to have a restraining order filed. lol

 

And you know WHAT?

 

That guy gets to move onto another girl, IMMEDIATELY.

 

You, however, get to stick around for weeks, maybe months, trying to get to know her and then eventually strike up some semblance of a romantic relationship.

 

One example does not a generalization make.

I'd rather be the guy that acted too fast (although, a lot less creepy than that guy) than the guy who stuck around for months and go nowhere.

[ecto-1]

lol

 

Dude it seems we are in similar situations. Check out my post I'm going through the same sh** with someone i've kinda fallen for but have only known for less than 3 weeks. "I dont know where we are at"

 

 

So it sounds as if "3 weeks" is moving too slow?

 

She took her ad of the dating site, so she won't be dating anyone, anyhow

[nebri8ted]

No she took my ad from the dating site. I posted under "Men in search of Women"

[nebri8ted]

Diezel... ur being a little too negative man. Lighten up some on us.

 

We got puppy love just looking for some advice.

[phineas]

And to confuse things more, women will go out of their way to be platonic friends with guys who have GF's so they can have first crack at him when he has a break up.

 

Hence when women say "we were good friends..." it's BS. what they mean to say is "I wanted him but he was taken so I pretended to be his friend & when he broke up I jumped him."

 

Every time & I mean EVERY TIME someone I know (including myself once when I was younger) who has been in the "friends first" category was blindsided by a hand-shake from the girls new boyfriend.

 

A guy they never knew existed because she never mentioned him.

Why? because you were just keeping her from getting bored while she worked on sealing the deal with the hot guy she really wanted.

[alyssatranswarrior]

Women play games like that. But men also have the equivalent which is "booty call" girls for times when they are single between relationships. So men play games with interested flings, and women play games with likely interested friends

 

This is a generlization, but pretty accurate on the dating scene. Of course the older you get the more mature dating gets - people are more respectful but also expect even more criteria in dating..

[Mary3]

You have been friendzoned if she hasn't gotten intimate with you within 30 days.

 

( note )-Intimate does not necessarily mean sex ( but close ). Can be anything from romantic kissing to touching...

 

Never be friends with a woman you feel romance for . Don't be her buddy.

 

We don't want a buddy. We want a lover.

 

The friendship we have with you is all inclusive with the love making and companionship.

[skydiveaddict]

You have been friendzoned if she hasn't gotten intimate with you within 30 days.

 

( note )-Intimate does not necessarily mean sex ( but close ). Can be anything from romantic kissing to touching...

 

Never be friends with a woman you feel romance for . Don't be her buddy.

 

We don't want a buddy. We want a lover.

 

The friendship we have with you is all inclusive with the love making and companionship.

 

well said, hence the friendzone

[brainygirl]

I don't get this friend zone thing to be honest. If I know a guy is romantically interested in me and I don't have that attraction to him for what ever reason. I let him know I'm not interested and I don't see him socially "as just friends" its a waste of my time and his.

[phineas]

I don't get this friend zone thing to be honest. If I know a guy is romantically interested in me and I don't have that attraction to him for what ever reason. I let him know I'm not interested and I don't see him socially "as just friends" its a waste of my time and his.

 

That is because you are sane.

[brainygirl]

That is because you are sane.

 

And yet single . . . . .

[MyNameIsJonas]

And yet single . . . . .

 

Move out of Kansas? Ha, I kid.

 

To the OP, I actually make it a point that whenever I hear from a friend "man she __________, you've been friendzoned dude" or something similar, I respond with "how do you know? did that happen to you?" That normally shuts them up because more often than not, I'm right.

 

All of this is very subjective. Actions may "eliminate you" to one women and yet those same actions may further you romantically with another.

 

The best you can do in this crazy dating "game" is to do what feels comfortable to you, and if she doesn't like it for one reason or another, it's her choice. Move on to the next one.

 

People shouldn't have to change to fit the desires of another. Actions like that are one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high.

[ecto-1]

To the OP, I actually make it a point that whenever I hear from a friend "man she __________, you've been friendzoned dude" or something similar, I respond with "how do you know? did that happen to you?" That normally shuts them up because more often than not, I'm right.

 

Jonas...exactly.....

 

"Oh, she put her hair in a pony tail on the date, that means she's friend zone you, instead of leaving it down"

 

"She doesn't cross her legs, definite friendzone situation , man"

 

People come up with these half-cocked theories, or actually just grab crap out of the air when someone who went out with a woman describes the date.

 

"Oh, she hugged you? Forget it man, you've been friendzoned"

 

So it's kind of how the delusional is doing the delusioning. lol (or vice versa?)

 

There are some things that work when it comes to confusing negativity with reality. In fact, these two yin and yangs butt head with each other.

 

To draw a good example of people who are actually deluding themselves, are those who participate in Ponzi or Multi-level marketing schemes (whichs is illegal by the way), people who think they're going to make it rich with this method are deluding themselves, some lose money, and STILL don't come to things "realistically" and then put MORE money into it.....the FEDS shut down the scheme, and the deluded actually think the "Govt is against them". This situation is more definite.

 

Things like "dealing with people" aren't so definite.....they're more dynamic and very from person to person, each person is unique, and you're dealing with a lot of variables.

 

All of this is very subjective. Actions may "eliminate you" to one women and yet those same actions may further you romantically with another.

 

Exactly, I tend to be more compatible with women who want to be friends first, because these people are more grounded in dealing with relationships, and have it grown from there.

 

It's a compatibility thing actually.

 

I actually had a woman move too fast for me one time, I think she wanted to jump into bed with me the 2nd date with all the dirty talk, kinda weirded me out, because there were other things she wasn't so open about, and I wondered if she had some kind of motive, what she was doing, at least to me, wasn't normal. I can't just hop into bed with a woman so quickly.

 

Some women take offense to this as an ego bruising, an insult if you don't sleep with them, because what..."You don't find me attractive?" That's how it goes....so not even friend zoned, just shYt listed. lol

 

From the vibe I got from this woman, I kind of learned from her previous experience from this other meat head that's feeling her up on a first date, she had to keep scooting over on the seat to get away from him....talk about looser-ville. lol

 

That's how I could tell she wasn't those types that move quickly....thus compatible with myself.

[MyNameIsJonas]

]I actually had a woman move too fast for me one time, I think she wanted to jump into bed with me the 2nd date with all the dirty talk, kinda weirded me out, because there were other things she wasn't so open about, and I wondered if she had some kind of motive, what she was doing, at least to me, wasn't normal. I can't just hop into bed with a woman so quickly.

 

Some women take offense to this as an ego bruising, an insult if you don't sleep with them, because what..."You don't find me attractive?" That's how it goes....so not even friend zoned, just shYt listed. lol

 

I want to jump on this comment before one of the more self-loathing members of the forum start ranting about how this situation is the reason they can't land dates.

 

It's more common than you think, and a lot of the blame for this shift in rapid sexuality comes from a broader acceptance of early sexual behavior in the "game" of dating. Most men normally want sex earlier so women come to expect it.

 

Not saying there is anything right or wrong with this as everyone enjoys sex, but when a woman goes through a couple straight "relationships" where this is the pattern, they get all flustered and confused when they meet a man who isn't so sexually aggressive, and then for one reason or another, blame themselves.

 

Of course, this doesn't really apply to all women; just the emotionally unstable ones who have, as a former friend of mine once put it, "shallow confidence." People like this act confident and their actions wouldn't have you thinking otherwise, but one small action that could be perceived as an insult, and their "confidence" is shattered. This causes adverse reactions which then leads to the "sh$tlist" as you put it.

 

Quality women normally don't care that your sexual speed isn't up to what they are used to; they want to date you for you and are willing to make this small adjustment in order to stay with you and keep you happy.

Edited June 27, 2010 by MyNameIsJonas
chickens

[ecto-1]

I want to jump on this comment before one of the more self-loathing members of the forum start ranting about how this situation is the reason they can't land dates.

 

It's more common than you think, and a lot of the blame for this shift in rapid sexuality comes from a broader acceptance of early sexual behavior in the "game" of dating. Most men normally want sex earlier so women come to expect it.

 

Not saying there is anything right or wrong with this as everyone enjoys sex, but when a woman goes through a couple straight "relationships" where this is the pattern, they get all flustered and confused when they meet a man who isn't so sexually aggressive, and then for one reason or another, blame themselves.

 

Of course, this doesn't really apply to all women; just the emotionally unstable ones who have, as a former friend of mine once put it, "shallow confidence." People like this act confident and their actions wouldn't have you thinking otherwise, but one small action that could be perceived as an insult, and their "confidence" is shattered. This causes adverse reactions which then leads to the "sh$tlist" as you put it.

 

Quality women normally don't care that your sexual speed isn't up to what they are used to; they want to date you for you and are willing to make this small adjustment in order to stay with you and keep you happy.

 

 

Right, I think one time, when my dad was younger, he had a woman come on to him, and for some reason he didn't pick up on the subtleties....and when she saw him again, he just said "Hello" to her per as he normally would, and she said, "Don't even talk to me" and he thought, "Woah, where did that come from??"

 

"Shallow Confidence", I like that new buzzword.