Username37 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Well I'm sure my story is kinda well know around this board now (I think). If not, here's the story (sorry that it's quite a read) My ex girlfriend of a year in a half broke up with me 7 weeks ago. She was my first love and girlfriend and I was her first love and BF. She said I wasn't supportive and I caused her stress. She also said she doesn't want a long term deal anymore. 3 weeks later, she hooked up with a guy at her friend's party. According to a friend, they are still currently involved, but not in a relationship. She also has been doing stuff like Hookah and probably drinking a little bit. Totally a different girl. I had a feeling she was gonna do this stuff, but many of my friends said "Oh she has morals, she will NEVER do that stuff!" 4 weeks through, she broke NC a few times to check up on me and stuff (I was unaware of the hook up/experimenting). The idiot gear kicked in and I began thinking "oh man, she misses me!" and I began texting her "hi" and "how are you" first. She gave me a few bitch responses and I became confused. Her birthday was a few weeks ago and I texted her "happy birthday! what are your plans for today?" She told me that she was feeling like **** and that all her birthdays were perfect until now. I thought this was my opportunity to show her I really cared about her, so I asked if I could come over and we could watch a movie, and to my surprise she said yes. I was really happy, I thought she thought "wow, he changed, I want him back!" Arrived at her house, gave her a birthday card, and we watched a movie. She was pretty distant and the talking was kinda awkward. She kept on saying "are you okay?" and "you know, you don't have to be here" so I was questioning that she still liked me. She also brought this book out that had stuff for lovers (we use to do some of the stuff that was in this book when we were together) and we did some of the stuff but she kept on saying "oh wait, that's for lovers, we can't do that..." but we ended up doing that stuff anyways (it was a foot rub and hand massage XD) After it was done, she hugged me and said "you saved my birthday, and this card made my day" she then texted me later with that response and with a thank you with a smiley. She also invited me to her pool party that was later on that week. Driving home, I felt like I made a message to her. I kept on thinking that she's now regretting the break up and I showed her that I am supportive of her. I posted this story on Love Shack (the topic was called "I think I have a chance?") and one person said that she's just using me as an "emotional tampon" and will throw me away when someone else is involved with her. So I began questioning everything again. Because I cared for her on her birthday, I decided to write an apology letter to her and give her another birthday card that was more special (the card had a history in our relationship) THINKING that she will now give me another chance due to my recent actions. So I go her party, everybody is having fun, saw some old friends, and my ex-girlfriend is being super cold to me. Didn't hug me and her responses to some of my comments were so cold and full of distaste. She also made no eye contact with me. Then this is when everything goes crazy for me. A friend shows up, was surprised I was there, and began telling me about everything my ex has been doing and that's how I found out about the hook up and the drugs etc. I was so angry and depressed the whole night and my ex saw me that way (a stupid move I know) and began looking at me confused and concerned. I was nervous about the card and letter. So I waited until the end of the night to give it to her (I should've left earlier I know) Even though I knew about what was going on with her, I still gave her the apology letter and card and just said happy birthday without looking into her eyes. Because I couldn't ya know? She's a new girl now and I can't stand to look at her without feeling hurt. I viewed it as my last goodbye to her and my last goodbye to her mom and dad and I left the house, last time I'll be going there. I drove back home and was so furious and my parents were concerned. I told them about everything and they were surprised about her new behavior. I was later told that my ex-girlfriend's reaction to the letter/card was questionable but no yes or no response yet. Next day, I hung out with some friends, had a good time, watched a movie, and all of a sudden, the ex texted me, saying "so, I read the letter..." and my heart starts beating like crazy. From the text, it felt like she was going to say "no" (damn ellipses haha). She called me later and just flat out said "no" and I told her I understand. She then proceeded to talk **** about me a little and I told her that everything I said in that apology letter I truly meant. She also asked why I was so depressed at her party. I told her because you were ignoring me and I found out about your recent activities (I didn't say "hook up" or drinking/smoking once). She then kept on asking who told me and I refused to give her a name. She then asked how I felt and I told her "It hurts me, but there's nothing I can do about it, it's your life and if this is what you want to do, I can't say or do anything about it." She got kinda pissy and told me not to judge her. She ended by saying "You're always going to be my first love, first kiss, first slow dance, first boyfriend" and that we shouldn't talk to each other for the whole summer. We both cried and I told her "thank you for the memories, for opening my heart, and for showing me what love is" and she hung up. She barely said anything positive about me. She treated me like trash. But now I had closure and I know now that I have no more shot with this girl. I'm surprise how quickly she moved on. And how she changed her life. When I met her, she was "on the big side" and was so sweet, quiet, and innocent. I fell in love with her right away. I didn't care what she looked like. Her attitude and the way she spoke and thought about thinks showed her beauty. When I was with her, she began losing weight like crazy and her personality changed a lot. She began going out with her friends a lot and I guess other guys took notice in her (she looks incredible now). And now that we're broken up, who knows what she's doing with those guys. It doesn't hurt me as much anymore that she's hooking up with some dude and doing all these I never thought she would do. I'm just afraid that she's gonna get hurt and feel bad about everything she's doing. I want to be the one to comfort her if she feels bad. I guess I still care about her and have feelings for her. But I know I can't. I'll be the last person for her to contact and if i do make first contact, she'll get pissy at me and will push her farther away. From this story, I know that I did so many stupid mistakes, I didn't follow the advice given by some of you guys, and I ruined my chances in getting a second chance. This is my story. Anything you guys would like to say?
hurt and devastated Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Wow, I feel bad that she totally did a 180 personality wise with you. Don't feel bad about not taking advice from people. I'm sure I'm doing all the wrong things (texting, obsessively checking her facebook, etc...) as well. Unfortunately, the idiot gear as you put it is too easy to go to in situations like that. My wife cheated on me and texed and e-mailed nasty pics and messages to a bunch of other guys, and if she asked me to come back right now, I don't know if I could say no.
Author Username37 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 Wow, I feel bad that she totally did a 180 personality wise with you. Don't feel bad about not taking advice from people. I'm sure I'm doing all the wrong things (texting, obsessively checking her facebook, etc...) as well. Unfortunately, the idiot gear as you put it is too easy to go to in situations like that. My wife cheated on me and texed and e-mailed nasty pics and messages to a bunch of other guys, and if she asked me to come back right now, I don't know if I could say no. I know I can't believe people just change. She didn't need to change. She was perfect. And I did all those things because I believed it was right in a way. I didn't want to ignore her on her birthday, It's a birthday, you'll remember that forever if it was a bad day. I guess my over-caring nature really screwed me over haha. And I'm torn too. Like if she told me "I want you back and I'm sorry for what I've done" i don't know if I want her back.
Perhaps Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Oh man, you, sir, are my long lost twin. So are our exes. I hate to say it but we both lack self respect. We both go diving the first chance we get to show our affection and get walked all over every. single. time. And when we try to stand up for ourselves, the exes tell us off and we feel crap all over again. See how she tried to guilt-trip you by saying "you'll always be my first this and that"? As hard as it is, you need to just not call this girl and I GUARANTEE you she'll call. But it will be to make sure "you're okay". That's when I want you to ignore her calls. And knowing her, she will keep calling (unless she get a boyfriend). IF you do ever talk to her, forget taking the high road, don't dignify her attempts to talk to you. People like her will NEVER understand what kind of pain they put your through.
Author Username37 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 (edited) Oh man, you, sir, are my long lost twin. So are our exes. I hate to say it but we both lack self respect. We both go diving the first chance we get to show our affection and get walked all over every. single. time. And when we try to stand up for ourselves, the exes tell us off and we feel crap all over again. See how she tried to guilt-trip you by saying "you'll always be my first this and that"? As hard as it is, you need to just not call this girl and I GUARANTEE you she'll call. But it will be to make sure "you're okay". That's when I want you to ignore her calls. And knowing her, she will keep calling (unless she get a boyfriend). IF you do ever talk to her, forget taking the high road, don't dignify her attempts to talk to you. People like her will NEVER understand what kind of pain they put your through. My long lost twin! Nice to finally meet you! haha I can't help helping people sometimes, and my ex is no exception. I'm a Cancer so I guess that explains it haha. Why do they treat us like crap? How immature of them. And it's ****ed up because she called ME immature. I'm on no contact now, I'm feeling better. But I'm not sure she's gonna call. She's a different kind of girl who uses her head not her heart ya know? So if her heart says "call the boy! You miss him!" her brain is gonna tell the heart "**** you, you don't know ****!" XD and she's basically a puppet. So whatever her friends tell her, she will do. And knowing her friends, they're telling her to forget about me. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She doesn't want a relationship right now, but she does have a friend with benefits. And she won't understand the pain I'm going through. Her not caring about it pretty much adds on too it. EDIT: Did your ex call? How long did it take? Edited June 27, 2010 by Username37
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