counterman Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 It has been a while since my break-up and I have been thinking about things that have happened and thinking about how far I've come. I would be lying if I said I didn't think about my ex from time to time but those thoughts aren't the same as the ones I had soon after the break-up. I have learnt a lot about myself and about situations that I have been in and it is true that no contact is best. In retrospect, I saw things that I didn't see at the moment and I guess that's what happens when your feelings are involved and you become attached to someone. I let my independence go because of how I felt when I really should have backed my own thoughts and intuition. One of the things I saw, and the reason why I started this read, was the fact that my ex was attracted to someone else and this someone else was my friend. They were always going to get together. Despite my ex saying she wasn't attracted to him, and most people would tell me to trust her (which I did), I can't help but think that there was no truth to that. She didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her but I kept accept the scraps she was throwing. I often wondered why it was so hard for her to do something for me... Upon seeing photos of her and her boyfriend recently, they just seem to happy. I am sure she never looked like that when she was with me and I wondered why. It all stems from the fact that she was never that into me... but why would she keep the relationship dragging on? Then, I found the answer to this when one of my girl friends said that all she wants is fun now and when she is done, she'll settle for someone who's good for her. I suppose I was that guy that was good for her... but what's the point of keeping me there if you're not 100% into me? She did the best thing by me by letting me go but she did the worst thing by ending the way she did. I deserved better. Upon this happening, I realised a lot of people who I thought were my friends, weren't really. They were just friends with me because I was with my ex. And now that we're not together, they don't seem to care. Thinking back, my ex's guy friends always tried to emasculate me in front of her... tried to flirt with her to get to me. I often wondered why this is. Why would you do that to someone? What made it worst was when my ex didn't stand up for us. These people didn't stand up for it because what business is this of theirs? So, I have been closed out of a social group, which I kind of long for but would have never belonged in. Now with my ex's boyfriend... he did a lot of crap to me and I wish I had done something about it during the moment. I find it so hard to deal with when even my own friends question my judgement of him. He's no saint. He knows what he did and yet he draws more support from everyone else than I ever can. It is not fair, but I have learnt the true values of two individuals who I have no room for in my life. In all of this, I spoke to my ex-girlfriend about my insecurities, about my doubts, about how I felt about things... and it seems to have fallen on deaf ears. She kept more information to herself and lied to me more, whilst building a perception of me that was as negative as could ever be. But, did she ever about her actions and take responsibility for the things that didn't go right? No. I found myself keeping the peace by taking fault for everything that went wrong when I shouldn't have. I am feeling much more confident now, happier than ever, stronger ... but there is something missing, something I yearn for. What I am trying to ask here is that if I stick to being honest, stick to what I belief in will I come out the better person with better things happening? Because it seems those who least deserve happiness, get it and I am left lamenting a little.
heavensmesenger Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Keep doing what your doing, stay true to yourself and embrace your dreams. People always get what they deserve, it just sometimes takes a lot longer then you think. Your ex and your ex friend sound like they deserve each other so leave them to it, you know your the better person and you don't need validation. You will never know truly how your ex feels I'm afraid. She could tell you one thing then whilst she's feeling the exact opposite. All that being said you can't just sit around and expect things to come to you because you've been hard done by. Go out there and live your life and show them both especially your ex what an amazing person you are.
Ronni_W Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) What I am trying to ask here is that if I stick to being honest, stick to what I belief in will I come out the better person with better things happening? Yes. It is a far better idea to live up to your own values and stay true to your own beliefs. Live authentically and with integrity. No. According to principles of "power of the mind/laws of attraction", your current mindset (as it comes through in your post) is not the best for creating/attracting positive, happy, successful outcomes for yourself. There are a kajillion 'law of attraction/universal laws' authors and resources, many of them very good. If you do decide to research this topic, just stick with what feels best for you and ignore everything else. Same goes for if the whole topic just seems silly to you...then just ignore this entire paragraph Wishing you positive, happy and successful outcomes. EDIT: 'Think And Grow Rich' by Napoleon Hill is still a good one. Used to be a free PDF of it available on the 'Net; you could Google (if you're interested, as I said before.) Edited June 26, 2010 by Ronni_W
Manutara Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Whenever relationships run their course, not only are we left with the obvious feelings of sadness, loss, sense of rejection and lonliness, but they also leave us exposed to some wider truths, forcing us to really ask who we are and where we fit into the bigger picture of life. You sound like you're well and truly advancing down the road of acceptance and moving on, and you only need to read other threads here to realise how difficult this can be - well done. Perhaps you're realizing that this girl, together with your so-called friend, and their extended group of friends weren't really as genuine as you thought, and that you can do much better. While it might be difficult to see now, the end of this relationship might well end up being one of the most beneficial and positive things to take place in your life - a chance to redefine your course and open up a whole new world to you. You seem to know most of the answers to your questions...forget these people if they treat you in this way and get out there and make the kind of friends that deserve your friendship. In this way you'll also soon meet a girl who deserves your love, so make sure that you're in the right place emotionally for when she comes along. Keep being the bigger man, and whether or not karma comes round to bite your ex and her new bf on the backside, it doesn't matter - it will definitely lead you to a much better place. Keep up the good work.
Author counterman Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 You're right, heavensmesenger, they do deserve each other. It was always going to happen and I do still hurt a little about the way things happened. I can't deny the fact that they do deserve each other though. I feel as though I am almost completely over this but there is one final hurdle so to speak.I've been trying to rush things a little and I should be doing things that make me feel good. Before, I really did want to show the both of them that I am not going to be bogged down by this and I am amazing... but I have nothing to prove to them. I had been considering going to parties at which they will be present but you know what? I just want to disassociate myself completely from them and that group of friends. I deserve better. Ronni, I agree that the state of mind shown through my post may not express a healthy dynamic to attract healthy relationships but it has been this last week only that I have been feeling a little down. I will check out that pdf soon enough. I am feeling better about all of this given the perspectives you guys have provided. Manutara, I hope I do attract a girl that is right for me. I always look for karma to take its course on my ex and her boyfriend but I could be waiting for years and I doubt anything will happen. It's cruel and sometimes I feel guilty for thinking this way... but my focus has to be on me and why should I let so much good work be set back by them any further? I'll keep sticking to my roots and being the bigger man. I have been misunderstood so many times with people I thought were my friends and each time I wonder whether they were truly my friends in the first place if their opinion of me could change so quickly after an event such as this. Lately I have been feeling that no girl deserves my love...is that a problem?
spriggig Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Lately I have been feeling that no girl deserves my love...is that a problem? Yes. If you swing too far in this direction you will become (or are already) narcissistic. You must be honest with yourself above all else. You didn't deserve what they did, but you are not God's gift to the angels either. Now is the time for HONEST introspection and careful evaluation of yourself. "To thine own self be true."
Author counterman Posted June 28, 2010 Author Posted June 28, 2010 I worded that wrongly. What I was meant to say is that I don't think ill meet one who is right for me any time soon. To be honest, I just want to have fun and stop thinking about all this. I'll continue to focus on myself.
DenverBachelor Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Part of the pangs of light sadness you feel aren't so much the result of realizing she's actually happier with someone else besides you, but that you haven't found that someone that would make you more happy than she did. Good luck. It's always about us. It was from day 1. It will be until the day we die.
heavensmesenger Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Counterman your a top bloke mate your doing extremely well. People always say love comes when you least expect it...have fun, focus on yourself and who knows? You could bump into "the one" whilst your doing your shopping Best of luck with it.
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