bolase Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) I just have a wee rant about my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend. We went out for 1.5 years, they got together 2 weeks after our breakp (i was overseas and DID see it coming) and now together for about a year. All good, thought they way they both went about it pissed me off as she was a friend, she said very little, then pretended it were all good, acting affectionately with him in front of me when i came back from overseas 6 weeks later. It was not very good for me at that time, i had the highground but it was painful. A year later, and she still usually keeps distance, as does he (apart from emails and a lunch which he asked me on, and we both cried so that wasn't too good). Now I feel like I'm at least 90% over him which is great, but I cant relax around him while she's there - not that I really want to be his friend - because shes quite possessive, stands close, looks at me, etc. I have a new boyfriend who really like, but this (below) still pisses me off, would it piss you off or am i being unreasonable? If yes I'd like to know. Today, I ran into them in town, and mentioned i was going someplace. She looked at him, kept asking 'what are we doing?', 'what time will we be ready', all these "we's" in front of me. Then she invites them both (they are really not friends, just acquaintances of mine for good reason (=distance which i have explained to him, also that i dont mind seeing him but i dont really like her any more and dont want to have to have a friendship with her too) - invites them both IN MY CAR to the event. I made up something about maybe having no space, but would let them know. I was lucky enough to have other people keen to come so there was no space, but only cause I really tried, not wanting to have them both in there for a half hour drive. Why does this girl think everythings fine, when she isn't my friend, is my ex's girlfriend whom she basically stepped right in on while we were out of contact, and is really not my type of person these days? Should I mention to my ex that part of the reason I want to maintain a nice distance is that I don't see myself having a friendship with her (which she can say we do all she likes, but, we don't)....grrrr Edited June 26, 2010 by bolase
heavensmesenger Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I just have a wee rant about my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend. We went out for 1.5 years, they got together 2 weeks after our breakp (i was overseas and DID see it coming) and now together for about a year. All good, thought they way they both went about it pissed me off as she was a friend, she said very little, then pretended it were all good, acting affectionately with him in front of me when i came back from overseas 6 weeks later. It was not very good for me at that time, i had the highground but it was painful. Why on earth would you want to be friends with them? 2 weeks after you break up???? Leave them alone seriously you have a boyfriend focus your efforts on him not your ex and his gf. Move on
Author bolase Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 They got ogether 2 weeks after we broke up but that was about 1 year ago now. Time has passed - but as I said, I do avoid them, its just that she wanted me to drive them somewhere which pissed me off as she had no right to think i'm her friend.
Treasa Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I've been learning that boundaries are a good thing, as is saying "No."
Author bolase Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I understand that very well, btu she doesn't which is what is pissing me off! I am trying to move on completely but when she puts them as a couple in front of my face and acts as though we've discussed it and it's normal as though she's close to me, when we've barely spoken since then, is annoying.
Div Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 just a simple "thanks, but no thanks" will suffice. you need nothing to do with them.
Author bolase Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Thanks for advice and I would normally agree but we have a ton of mutual friends, also secondly, it would have been strange of me to refuse them a ride - we have to bump into each other every so often..I did say there was no room though, guess that was my way of saying no.
GrayClouds Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Thanks for advice and I would normally agree but we have a ton of mutual friends, also secondly, it would have been strange of me to refuse them a ride - we have to bump into each other every so often..I did say there was no room though, guess that was my way of saying no. Actually it is strange that you would give them a ride, your EX has already told you he is not interested in you being in his life, you should take him up on his word. You may need to learn a to be more direct, the best way to say no is to say NO. And when you bump into him he will start to see a strong person rather then a push over. Stop worrying about being like at the expense of loving yourself.
Author bolase Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Agreed, it wouldve been wrong so I did tell them there was no room. No, my ex wants to be friends and emails me, asks me small talk qs often and ones about our mutual interests which I largely ignore, as well as asking em to lunch recently, where he said he doesnt deserve to be my friend but wants to and how amazing I am etc. More than ever, I want distance, but as I said I was driving there and perhaps giving people lifts, I couldn't exactly say 'not for you, there are ways of being more diplomatic around people when there are work, personal and academic connections everyhere here... I just got annoyed as recently (at the lunch) my friend asked why we couldnt be friends and one reason I gave him was that it would be uncomfortable, for his girlfriend, and that distance was a healthy thing, firmly. He would no doubt have related this to her, so now she's going out of her way to show me that its not uncomfortable for her to ask for a ride? I was taken aback a bit, because I would NEVER ask my current boyfriend's ex to drive him and I anywhere. But my ex's girl, the one in this post, is a bit head-in-the-clouds like that and has always acted as though I was fine..
DenverBachelor Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Thanks for advice and I would normally agree but we have a ton of mutual friends Time to get some new friends. Maybe you should move or something -- get some fresh perspective. Life is too short for you to get all worked up over old ex's and who they are dating. Sometimes you have to put people on the chopping block for your own good. I did today. It sucked, but I had to do it.
jj33 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 What a b*tch. Doing what is good for her without any regard for you. Yes tell him that you prefer not to be around her. End of story. if he doesnt understand then he is 1000% lacking in empathy and you dont need him as a friend either. And of course she wont understand because butter wouldnt melt in her mouth....
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