daddysbaby1112 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) Hi i'm new to this site. I have been married now for 6 yrs and i have a child with my H. This past year we started having an open relationship but, what my H didn't know is I had already been seeing a MM for 1 yr. I know that got pregnant in Feb with twins for the MM because my H and I never have sex together anymore. I lost one of our babies. The MM and myself talk all the time and see each other everyday. I'm in a rock and a hard place here cuz, I fell in love with the MM and I'm not so sure I wanna be with my H anymore. In a way I'm afraid of leaving my H cuz I've done it once before and I felt so alone. I asked the MM tonite that if I left my H would he leave his Wife. His kids are grown but, his Wife controls most of his money. He responded to me by saying. That he loves me with all of his heart and wants to marry me and if there is any way that he could get out of his marriage he would. He wishes that he could be with me. I asked him why does he stay with his wife and he said that he didnt know but he is happy even though they fuss all the time. She treats him very badly.I think deep down he wants to move in together but, at the same time I'm afraid that he has to many strings that holds his wife together. My question is: with me being pregnant for the MM do you think that will increase my chance of him leaving her? Am I wrong for not wanting 2 be with my husband but he's willing to have an open relationship? ty for taking the time to help me out! Edited June 26, 2010 by daddysbaby1112 had another ?
MizFit Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Hi i'm new to this site. I have been married now for 6 yrs and i have a child with my H. This past year we started having an open relationship but, what my H didn't know is I had already been seeing a MM for 1 yr. I know that got pregnant in Feb with twins for the MM because my H and I never have sex together anymore. I lost one of our babies. The MM and myself talk all the time and see each other everyday. I'm in a rock and a hard place here cuz, I fell in love with the MM and I'm not so sure I wanna be with my H anymore. In a way I'm afraid of leaving my H cuz I've done it once before and I felt so alone. I asked the MM tonite that if I left my H would he leave his Wife. His kids are grown but, his Wife controls most of his money. He responded to me by saying. That he loves me with all of his heart and wants to marry me and if there is any way that he could get out of his marriage he would. He wishes that he could be with me. I asked him why does he stay with his wife and he said that he didnt know but he is happy even though they fuss all the time. She treats him very badly.I think deep down he wants to move in together but, at the same time I'm afraid that he has to many strings that holds his wife together. My question is: with me being pregnant for the MM do you think that will increase my chance of him leaving her? Am I wrong for not wanting 2 be with my husband but he's willing to have an open relationship? ty for taking the time to help me out! Your H isn't concerned that you're pregnant with someone elses child? I am assuming that if you've figured out it's not his he has as well...no sex would kinda be telling. You have an open relationship. You're having an affair. You're pregnant with someone else's child. You're wondering if that will make you look more appealing to the MM as a life's partner. Where do I begin. Get out of your marriage and get yourself together. You evidently don't want to be alone...you won't be because you've got kids that need you...step up and be their mother. Leave your H...tell MM what you want and sit down and sort the terms of your co-parenting of this child you're carrying. Actually, does he even know? Please...untangle this mess and start by cutting away from a H you don't love and who probably doesn't love you. I guess that's where I'd start.
anne1707 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Before you consider whether the MM will actually leave to be with you, you need to decide whether you want to remain married to your H. You say that you are 4 months pregnant and it cannot be your H's - how has he reacted to all this, or have you somehow managed to avoid him finding out (possible). If the latter, you won't be able to hide it forever. An open marriage is one thing but having another man's child will more than likely end your marriage. Face up to this responsibility plus the real possibility that you may be bringing up a child on your own - this baby is ultimately your number one priority now.
Author daddysbaby1112 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 My H knows it's not his but he is willing to bring it up as if it's ours. I am a very good mother to my child. Yes, the MM knows that the baby is his
anne1707 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Well I think that tells you what you need to know. Your H is prepared to stand by you, the MM is not (if he was, he would have left his wife by now seeing as you are pregnant with his child). However you still need to decide whether you want to stay married and the MM is completely irrlevant to this decision. How do you feel about your husband, do you love him, respect him? Do you find him attractive (no sex is not a good recipe for a marriage). If there are doubts that cannot be addressed then you do need to leave - that would be the fairest thing to do for all concerned.
Author daddysbaby1112 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 just told the MM I was preg when I lost the first baby 2 weeks ago. And since then he has changed more caring for me. That's why I get so confused with him.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 ...Why dont you tell your husband who's baby it really is. then let's see what happens? You was screwing around for a long time before you had an open marriage correct? Damn woman! Your husband deserves better than a woman like you... So in essense you have two kids by two different men, one of them is still married, and you claim your a good mother? WTF!? since when? and yes im calling your skills as a mother into question. Your mindstate is way off lady!
piscis Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Hi daddysbaby!! welcome to LS I am really not sure of what kind of advice I can give you so am just going to share some thoughts, I might sound selfish but its what I think. When you and your H decided to have an open marriage the possibility of dating other people was clear and open and getting involved sexually, emotionaly was a huge possibility too now he knows about uour pregnancy and is willing to stay married and look after this baby as if it was his, my advice is for you to stay at least right now. I am sure that when you do not know what to do sometimes doing nothing instead of making a huge mistake is the best thing. One question do you know if your husband is also having another relationship? I mean it is allowed as you are in an open relationship is he? I do not know if MM will leave his wife for you or not, I don't think he knows it either but I do know you can not stay while he wonders. Please keep posting to update. (((hugs)))
Brightmoon Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Hi i'm new to this site. I have been married now for 6 yrs and i have a child with my H. This past year we started having an open relationship but, what my H didn't know is I had already been seeing a MM for 1 yr. I know that got pregnant in Feb with twins for the MM because my H and I never have sex together anymore. I lost one of our babies. The MM and myself talk all the time and see each other everyday. I'm in a rock and a hard place here cuz, I fell in love with the MM and I'm not so sure I wanna be with my H anymore. In a way I'm afraid of leaving my H cuz I've done it once before and I felt so alone. I asked the MM tonite that if I left my H would he leave his Wife. His kids are grown but, his Wife controls most of his money. He responded to me by saying. That he loves me with all of his heart and wants to marry me andif there is any way that he could get out of his marriage he would.He wishes that he could be with me. I asked him why does he stay with his wife and he said that he didnt know but he is happy even though they fuss all the time. She treats him very badly.I think deep down he wants to move in together but, at the same time I'm afraid that he has to many strings that holds his wife together. My question is: with me being pregnant for the MM do you think that will increase my chance of him leaving her? Am I wrong for not wanting 2 be with my husband but he's willing to have an open relationship? ty for taking the time to help me out! He seems to have told you it all already daddysbaby. He does not want to cut those stings to his family. He can get out of his marriage if he wanted to and he does not want to cos he likes things the way they are. I doubt if the baby is enough to make him change his mind. He would have made it clear by now if the baby made a difference.
U2RockZz Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) so your H is clueless and bringing up OM's kids....what are you..??, a baby making machine for OM(plural)....why are you wasting his time....i think he deserves better than a user,cheater....hoping that you are not using your H's money to raise your kids "I know that got pregnant in Feb with twins for the MM because my H and I never have sex together anymore. I lost one of our babies. The MM and myself talk all the time and see each other everyday" what kind of a person you are...??? you have two kids they don't know who their real father is.....you complain about your H not wanting to have sex with you...while you are having sex with MM everyday....are you really sick or what Edited June 26, 2010 by U2RockZz
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 My question is: 1. with me being pregnant for the MM do you think that will increase my chance of him leaving her? 2. Am I wrong for not wanting 2 be with my husband but he's willing to have an open relationship? ty for taking the time to help me out! 1. Nope - he already made it clear he isn't leaving. You can keep having babies all you want. It won't change the fact that he doesn't want to leave his wife. You say you think 'deep down' he wants to be with you. I think 'deep down' he wants to stay with his wife. His wife would have to literally force him out of the marriage. 2. I don't know about right or wrong in this situation - just that it is typical. Your husband staves off the loneliness, keeps the bills paid, and supports whatever kids you have with other men. Why would you leave if you don't have to? Your husband knows the deal, accepts it and keeps a roof over your head and your children's heads. So, neither of you has any real reason to leave, since neither of you really has to. Question is, are you prepared to stay in this situation indefinitely? MM's wife and your H are enabling it to happen that way, so it looks like you are stuck like this. Oh, and I should add one thing: if it was your husband that suggested the open marriage, then he is having someone on the side too. Men generally don't share their wives unless they have a reason not to want them for themselves anymore.
U2RockZz Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 "Am I wrong for not wanting 2 be with my husband " this could be your first and final favor towards him....do it ASAP
Holding-On Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Hi. Just so you know off the bat, I also have an open marriage. So no judgment on that one. I think you should stay with your husband. You have a child with him. He sounds very supportive. Your MM is NOT supportive. He does not want to face any discomfort for you. Bluntly put the MM can figure out several things 1. Children are time consuming and costly (he's already had the experience remember?) 2. Like it or not he probably likes his wife. He needs to complain to you about her because you are only in an open marriage to be able to continue seeing him. You don't sound polyamorous (willing to LOVE two or more men) or committed to the welfare of your primary partner. 3. It would be a financial burden to him to get divorced and have to support you and lose his finances. Right now your H is willing to do that to have his biological family stay together. 4. You have already proven that you are not ethically trustworthy. MM knows that you are keeping secrets from your H (the start of the affair) and understandably would not believe you would be honest with MM in a marriage with MM. Right now your two children (the older one with H and the MM baby on the way) have a much better chance of a stable life if you stay with you H. However in order to keep that going you do need to show some appreciation to your H. It is fine if you don't sexually love your H since he is getting it elsewhere but I think you sound a bit flaky/irresponsible. Please tell me that your MM will at least go and get a vasectomy if you yourself are not done having children.
Author daddysbaby1112 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Ok I had a long talk with the MM and we r moving in together. We both will b leaving our H and W. I care for my H and don't wanna hurt him so I think the best thing is to let him go on with his life without me. Well except for our child that we have together we will work it out so he can see our child. The MM is wanting to be the father of our baby and he loves my other child. He does more for him than his own dad does. Ty guys for ur advice now I just wish the best of luck for the move.
Fallen Angel Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 wow... so in less than 24 hrs your MM went from "I can't leave my marriage at all, ever because..." to, "okay. I am going to leave my marriage, we wil move in together and be a happy family and not only am I going to step up for my own child, but I am going to be a new daddy for your husbands child too!" :confused::confused::confused: ??? Really? I sense trolling in this thread... just saying..
Brightmoon Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Ok I had a long talk with the MM and we r moving in together. We both will b leaving our H and W. I care for my H and don't wanna hurt him so I think the best thing is to let him go on with his life without me. Well except for our child that we have together we will work it out so he can see our child. The MM is wanting to be the father of our baby and he loves my other child. He does more for him than his own dad does. Ty guys for ur advice now I just wish the best of luck for the move. I am glad it is working out for you daddysbaby. Good luck with the move and the baby and your little one. xx
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Ok I had a long talk with the MM and we r moving in together. This is incredibly typical for a MM to promise, not at all typical for him to follow through. MM said this, but does his wife know? All bets are off until she is fully informed, and you see actual legal divorce papers and he has fully moved out of his home. Until that happens, there will be a push and pull at his home that could very well keep him there for a lot longer than you are counting on. I don't advise you to leave your husband just yet unless you can support yourself 100%. You might find yourself a struggling single mother for a lot longer than you want to be at this point if you do.
Author daddysbaby1112 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Yes I'm for real! We haven't left yet that's the part I'm not sure about now. He hasn't even told his wife he's leaving yet.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 What makes you think you get custody of your daughter with your husband. why should'nt he get physical custody if it all foes down. your mentally unstable, your making irrational choices being pregnant by another man who's already married, i mean what judge in his right mind is gonna just up a kid out of a stable enviroment and give them to a preggo woman who cant even work. Depending on the state you live in? ...This will not work!!! Do you even read the stuff your writing it is disgusting. In the future your gonna have to explain to your kids, why they have two different fathers, both of them are going to be molded by your actions you make in raising them. They will resent you for it. by ruining their future!
Author daddysbaby1112 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Remember I said I left my husband one time before. When I did I got full cust of our child. My H doesn't even have rights cuz he signed them over to me in the past.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Remember I said I left my husband one time before. When I did I got full cust of our child. My H doesn't even have rights cuz he signed them over to me in the past. You think that still stands??? lmao. (he hires a bulldog lawyer worth his weight, your gonna have complications, based on your behavior any judge in his right mind is gonna go 50/50. those papers he signed are not set in stone. given the right amount of money. things can be changed.) You ready to take on full financial burden of both kids and you being pregnant with a married man who's wife is about to piss in your cheerios the moment she finds out? You really think it's all going to go down and everyone is gonna be cool with it? Your mistaken.
Brightmoon Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 wow... so in less than 24 hrs your MM went from "I can't leave my marriage at all, ever because..." to, "okay. I am going to leave my marriage, we wil move in together and be a happy family and not only am I going to step up for my own child, but I am going to be a new daddy for your husbands child too!" :confused::confused::confused: ??? Really? I have to say, this ^^^ sums up how I felt too.... but good for you if that is really the case. Your hubby probably has someone else too in all likelihood. Approach with caution. Something don't sound right here...
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Yes I'm for real! We haven't left yet that's the part I'm not sure about now. He hasn't even told his wife he's leaving yet. Then, you are no further than you were before. Make no plans, none whatsoever until he is actually divorced, and living in his own residence. Under no circumstances should you leave first unless you are able to support yourself 100% and you are prepared to live your life as a single mother. If you fill up one hand with promises, and the other with worthless garbage... well, you get the idea.
U2RockZz Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Remember I said I left my husband one time before. When I did I got full cust of our child. My H doesn't even have rights cuz he signed them over to me in the past. that guy is really dumb to see for what you are worth.....he wasted enough amount of time on a person like you...i would ask him to get a DNA test for that kid.....i think you are person enough to let him go...cuz he deserves better way better than a cheater
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