This Hurts Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 This seems like a normal feeling but I'd like to hear if anybody else has experience with this. I'll be going on about my days, doing whatever I enjoy, living my life basically, and I'll barely think about her but then when something reminds me of her and our situation, I realize how I'm moving on and it makes me a little sad. It's like I'm doing a good job at distracting myself but then when I remember the whole 'recovery' situation I'm in, I realize that I'm not thinking about her that much and see how I'm kinda slowly letting go. It makes me a little sad and sometimes it scares me and I have a small voice in my head that tells me to contact her. Of course, I don't contact her, so no worries there. This isn't really an issue. It doesn't give me a HUGE craving to contact her or anything, or make me sad enough to want to leave the room and cry, but it gives me this sad-and-frightened feeling, y'know? Sometimes I even wonder, "Is it 'cause I'm not thinking about her as much as I should be, so when I think about her it comes as a shock?" Does anybody know what I mean?
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 It's like a pesky mosquito buzzing round your head. Do you think about her when you're not thinking about her? Do you ever say to self, "hey self, you're doing good, you're not thinking about her but you are thinking about not thinking about her?" Annoying ain't it?
teanoranges Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Definitely had that feeling before! Can't say its still there, but it lasted a good bit of time.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Definitely had that feeling before! Can't say its still there, but it lasted a good bit of time. Shoot, that's discouraging. It took me forever to get to this point.
Author This Hurts Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 It's like a pesky mosquito buzzing round your head. Do you think about her when you're not thinking about her? Do you ever say to self, "hey self, you're doing good, you're not thinking about her but you are thinking about not thinking about her?" Annoying ain't it? Well, it's not exactly like a pesky mosquito buzzing around my head, but I know what you mean I've experienced that, too. When they just linger in the back of your head... it's annoying. You can be at school, work, having an intense conversation with a friend... and there's your ex... chilling in the back of your mind... watching you. Lol. My situation is that I'm literally not thinking about her, at all. Not lingering in my thoughts, nothing. But then something happens, or I see something, or hear something that reminds me of her and it really is like it shocks me. Like I said, it doesn't "shock" me enough to interfere with my everyday life, but the feeling it leaves off (even if it's for just a little while) is definitely bothersome. Definitely had that feeling before! Can't say its still there, but it lasted a good bit of time. And what happened? Was it just in the beginning? It's been three months since the breakup for me, so maybe it is something that just happens early on.
Author This Hurts Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 Shoot, that's discouraging. It took me forever to get to this point. LOL! It IS pretty discouraging. But hey, at least we're not still in that agonizing stage.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 LOL! It IS pretty discouraging. But hey, at least we're not still in that agonizing stage. Something to be thankful for.
Username37 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I feel the same way. I'm living life right now and everyday it feels like I'm slowly falling out of love with her. I'm not constantly checking my phone and I'm not checking her FB as much anymore. I still think about her yeah, but it's mostly "how is she?" and "how is she feeling?"
yume Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 This seems like a normal feeling but I'd like to hear if anybody else has experience with this. I'll be going on about my days, doing whatever I enjoy, living my life basically, and I'll barely think about her but then when something reminds me of her and our situation, I realize how I'm moving on and it makes me a little sad. It's like I'm doing a good job at distracting myself but then when I remember the whole 'recovery' situation I'm in, I realize that I'm not thinking about her that much and see how I'm kinda slowly letting go. It makes me a little sad and sometimes it scares me and I have a small voice in my head that tells me to contact her. Of course, I don't contact her, so no worries there. This isn't really an issue. It doesn't give me a HUGE craving to contact her or anything, or make me sad enough to want to leave the room and cry, but it gives me this sad-and-frightened feeling, y'know? Sometimes I even wonder, "Is it 'cause I'm not thinking about her as much as I should be, so when I think about her it comes as a shock?" Does anybody know what I mean? Yeah, it does make me sad too. It's just sadness...realising your life is different now, without them...sadness that it had to end....just sadness that things didn't work out....it takes a lot to fully let go. *internet hug*
DadofTwoGirls Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 'it takes a lot to fully let go'..good one yume!
Author This Hurts Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 It's just sadness...realising your life is different now, without them...sadness that it had to end....just sadness that things didn't work out.... That's exactly what it feels like! Exactly what I meant Phew, at least now I know I'm not alone... Thank you. I'm living life right now and everyday it feels like I'm slowly falling out of love with her. This, too.
yume Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 This, too. Definitely....because at one point you really believed you'd love them forever, but as time goes by, they fade like ink on old paper...You say to yourself, I'll always love them, one way or another...but will you really? I just don't know.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Definitely....because at one point you really believed you'd love them forever, but as time goes by, they fade like ink on old paper...You say to yourself, I'll always love them, one way or another...but will you really? I thought that since this was my first real love (read: gave virginity to), that I'll always love him. But I know how my mind works. I won't. Just wish I could see that right now tho
teanoranges Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Shoot, that's discouraging. It took me forever to get to this point. Oh man! I didn't mean to be discouraging!! It lasted long enough to be significant, but nowhere near as long as the agony stage! It took me 3 months of NC before I actually came to the conclusion that I COULD and had to move on. Maybe another month and a half of feeling strange about it, and becoming surprised when I wouldn't think about the ex... After 5/6 months, it got a ton easier. I've had my 'temptation' but that passes even quicker now too. There's still a little spot in my heart for him and all the experience, but its just a spot and I don't really pay any attention to it.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Its a very bittersweet feeling to move on. I become very nostalgic and whimsicle about things. There's a voice almost questioning if I SHOULD move on and the 'tragedy' that would ensue if I were to move on and he were to come back. Ultimately I know that I should put myself first and I am good at doing that now. Even thought I THINK i'm pretty much 'over him', I still have that pang of sadness at times; I wonder how he is and how his life will turn out. I think I will always be privy to how his life is going now and then because we have so many mutual friends and I know at some point our paths will cross, but that in itself is weird because I feel I will see his life in snapshots from the outskirts and vice versa, I will never be intimately part of it either as a lover or friend as I once was, and its an unusual thing to adjust to. Its so annoying how moving on and recovering is tainted by doubts and sadness. We KNOW we have to move on but we still feel pulls to our pasts.
Author This Hurts Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Yeah, it's an uncertain feeling. Uncertain and doubtful. It bothers me... so bad. I wish it would just let me be. I want to be happy again and not worry about questioning anything. I question everything! Ugh.
yume Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Its a very bittersweet feeling to move on. I become very nostalgic and whimsicle about things. There's a voice almost questioning if I SHOULD move on and the 'tragedy' that would ensue if I were to move on and he were to come back. Ultimately I know that I should put myself first and I am good at doing that now. Even thought I THINK i'm pretty much 'over him', I still have that pang of sadness at times; I wonder how he is and how his life will turn out. I think I will always be privy to how his life is going now and then because we have so many mutual friends and I know at some point our paths will cross, but that in itself is weird because I feel I will see his life in snapshots from the outskirts and vice versa, I will never be intimately part of it either as a lover or friend as I once was, and its an unusual thing to adjust to. Its so annoying how moving on and recovering is tainted by doubts and sadness. We KNOW we have to move on but we still feel pulls to our pasts. This is exactly what it is... Always wanting to know that they're ok, and/or doing well....sometimes you get to the point where you just want to know they're happy with their lives, so you can move on. Although there's always that nagging thought in the back of my mind: "What if....?" that echoes from time to time.
supersub Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Yep, its almost like living in a parallel universe for a time. You can't quite believe its happening, its surreal in so many ways because you meet new people, and go new places that maybe you would not have before with your ex, but the good news is that its also kind of exciting. I think Nikki said there is piece of you that wonders if they came back what drama would ensue. That's where you cross universes again (or where worlds collide), at least that's how it feels. I know it did during my failed reconnect. Obviously for me to even consider again a reconnect, my ex would have to crawl back, but I don't think I could go back even if that happened, though I miss her from time to time. I just don't have any more energy or time to give it, but it still feels strange. Most of us had such a connection didnt we? With that person, their families, friends etc. Its those neurological paths that are slowly being shut down, and the guilt associated with whether they should be shut down. Its such an investment emotionally after all. However, for most of us they will be, and though it sounds bad to to many of us right now, it will be for the best in the long run. Peace, Sup:cool:
Author This Hurts Posted June 30, 2010 Author Posted June 30, 2010 Yep, its almost like living in a parallel universe for a time. You can't quite believe its happening, its surreal in so many ways because you meet new people, and go new places that maybe you would not have before with your ex, but the good news is that its also kind of exciting. I think Nikki said there is piece of you that wonders if they came back what drama would ensue. That's where you cross universes again (or where worlds collide), at least that's how it feels. I know it did during my failed reconnect. Obviously for me to even consider again a reconnect, my ex would have to crawl back, but I don't think I could go back even if that happened, though I miss her from time to time. I just don't have any more energy or time to give it, but it still feels strange. Most of us had such a connection didnt we? With that person, their families, friends etc. Its those neurological paths that are slowly being shut down, and the guilt associated with whether they should be shut down. Its such an investment emotionally after all. However, for most of us they will be, and though it sounds bad to to many of us right now, it will be for the best in the long run. Peace, Sup:cool: You described it perfectly! I love analogies. sometimes you get to the point where you just want to know they're happy with their lives, so you can move on. I feel this from time to time. Not very often at all, but I still feel it at times. It kind of scares me, too, because I know I can't just contact her after not talking to her for a long time and expect to get a positive update telling me she's gotten her life on track, she knows where she's going, and she's happy. My ex has Bipolar disorder and throughout her whole life, it's gotten the best of her. Though she was infinitely happier when we were together (and doing well, of course), she still had some pretty bad depressive episodes. Every single time so far that we've been apart, she gets depressed, suicidal, and incredibly reckless in many ways. I'm not trying to be cocky and say that she needs me and I mean a lot to her, because I obviously don't after everything she's done to me, but I've been her foundation over the years. Since I've known her for so long and have been with her for so long and the type of person that I am, I've turned into the person that makes sure she's always making the right decisions. The sad truth is she needs someone to guide her. The people she goes to when she leaves me don't guide her, they just do drugs with her and make her feel accompanied. Going to her for closure will never be a good idea, so I don't know how I'm going to deal with that.
hopesndreams Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 she is with this new guy Sharing her life with him. Going out shopping, dinners, walks, what have you. Sharing their concerns, thoughts and ideas. Emotionally and physically connected. I know she still cares So? That's her problem. because I don't want her to. She already has.
hopesndreams Posted June 30, 2010 Posted June 30, 2010 I didn't point these things out to make you feel worse than you already do. I pointed it out to make you look at it all differently and then, hopefully, feel better. Realizations are tough things to swallow, but once swallowed, you can get on with your life. At the end of the day, all you have, is you. Why torture yourself?
aeren944 Posted July 1, 2010 Posted July 1, 2010 Ok, once again, This Hurts, I'm right there with you. I'm not as far along as you... I still think about her, but less often now. But I absolutely do have that sad and scared feeling... scared about the future, sad that this couldn't work out. Sad that I feel completely robbed of something I'd put my whole heart into. Y, please try to be strong. I know exactly how you feel, man. Every time I read your posts, I completely understand where you're coming from. Maybe she still cares, maybe she doesn't... but it's not your job to wait around for her. F**k her... I'm the same way, with the anger and guilt, and the sadness. But, I got my resolve coming back, and I'm not ashamed to feel pure anger toward her. I hope her life sucks, I hope her heart is ripped from her chest, I hope she wakes up one day and realizes what she lost in this. It probably won't ever happen... But it makes me feel better to think about her life sucking... vindictive and crazy, I know... but I'm living moment to moment, breath to breath, and I'll make it how I have to make it.
lullaby Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Yep, its almost like living in a parallel universe for a time. You can't quite believe its happening, its surreal in so many ways because you meet new people, and go new places that maybe you would not have before with your ex, but the good news is that its also kind of exciting. I think Nikki said there is piece of you that wonders if they came back what drama would ensue. That's where you cross universes again (or where worlds collide), at least that's how it feels. I know it did during my failed reconnect. Obviously for me to even consider again a reconnect, my ex would have to crawl back, but I don't think I could go back even if that happened, though I miss her from time to time. I just don't have any more energy or time to give it, but it still feels strange. Most of us had such a connection didnt we? With that person, their families, friends etc. Its those neurological paths that are slowly being shut down, and the guilt associated with whether they should be shut down. Its such an investment emotionally after all. However, for most of us they will be, and though it sounds bad to to many of us right now, it will be for the best in the long run. Peace, Sup:cool: Yeah. It's like that. It takes away all the energy you have and reach a point of not return with it and you think 'wait, you leave me no choice because you know what? I'M EXHAUSTED'. Period. It's like living a bad dream when you want to wake up and at least have the answer, not even THAT person, but just a reply and to have it all figured out, right? But just like bad dream, they have an end and we're here to survive and be strong. I also thought I would dry out, apparently that won't happen soon, but there'll be a day when I no longer cry over him. anyway... I don't think I will try a reconnect at this point, but hey, who knows? At least I'm working on me and doing the best I can!!! best to all!
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