How am I supposed to meet a woman at 39

June 26, 2010

You said all the people in the bookstore are snobby 20 year olds or whatever -- but you know in order for you to know that, it means you've been there more than a few times. So there's a chance that a 35+ year old woman has also been there a few times.

I've gone there to buy gifts or gift cards. Its all young people, because they have a coffee/snackbar area and its filled with 20 yr olds that sit on their laptops, or ipods.

And again, that means I would have to go there for the sole purpose of scouting for women.

that contradicts the life is short mindset, going to a bookstore and pretending to be busy, when you are actually just there to find a date.

I have much better things to do than go make time just make myself appear available.

.

June 26, 2010

I've gone there to buy gifts or gift cards. Its all young people, because they have a coffee/snackbar area and its filled with 20 yr olds that sit on their laptops, or ipods.

And again, that means I would have to go there for the sole purpose of scouting for women.

that contradicts the life is short mindset, going to a bookstore and pretending to be busy, when you are actually just there to find a date

What? Who said anything about pretending to be busy? Yikes. Don't *pretend* to be busy. Go there with the purpose if meeting new people. Not women, not hot dates -- just people.

Or else, next time you need a book, go to the bookstore and keep an eye out. That's all.

It doesn't contradict "life is too short to..." unless you want it to. Do what you want, if you want something, go get it, don't half ass it. You're saying you can't meet women, there are no women, when people tell you the obvious things you've probably already thought of, you shut their ideas down.

What kind of miracle are you looking for here?

June 26, 2010

Then stop complaining about how there are no women in your area.....?

I can complain all I want, because its a fact

June 26, 2010

What? Who said anything about pretending to be busy? Yikes. Don't *pretend* to be busy. Go there with the purpose if meeting new people. Not women, not hot dates -- just people.

I dont mean look busy, I used the wrong word, I mean going there and pretending you are not there to meet a girl.

You are trying to cover up the true intent of me being there.

I dont hang out at bookstores. Obviously if I plan on meeting someone there, I have to spend time there right ?

So that means I am pretending to have an ulterior motive for being there. Acting like I "hang out there often"

June 26, 2010

I dont mean look busy, I used the wrong word, I mean going there and pretending you are not there to meet a girl.

You are trying to cover up the true intent of me being there.

I dont hang out at bookstores. Obviously if I plan on meeting someone there, I have to spend time there right ?

So that means I am pretending to have an ulterior motive for being there. Acting like I "hang out there often"

No, you only have to do that if you want to conform to society's general BS. Why can't you go somewhere just to meet people? Like that being your only intention? Why not?

"You are trying to cover up the true intent of me being there." - No I'm not. Here it is:

Intention: I'm gonna go to a bar to meet women today.

Result: I met some women.

The thing about bars is, it gives you alcohol. And everyone pretends like they're there for the music or just to have fun. Some are, but lots aren't. 'Course they won't tell you that now, will they?

And by the way, it's not just the bookstore. You can approach women anywhere. Like I said - a 35-40 year old woman is kidding herself if she is single and wants to meet men, but won't do it unless it's on her specific terms of "In a bar" or something.

I don't know. Really. There is an obvious fix to this - either start talking to more women by making yourself available in different kinds of situations, or don't. There is no other magic miracle serum somebody can froth up for you in this thread. What are you honestly expecting?

You should be thrilled. You look younger than you are. You appear to be interested in meeting women, but are you? I'm lost.

Let me ask you this question. How many women did you ask out this week? On the street? In the Gas station? at the store? At the supermarket? In the bank? Did they all reject you?

One more thing. I'd focus on getting new friends first. New friends can lead you into a new social ring. Get friends who care about you.

Edited June 26, 2010 by Blade Runner

June 26, 2010

you only have to do that if you want to conform to society's general BS

That kinda hits it right there.

Its a MUST that I "play" the bs dating game to get my foot in the door.

I'm not saying be a player, but I have to enter into "societys rules" of interacting with a woman.

because you cant just come out and say "hey I find you attractive and I'd like to tak you out sometime" You have to weave it into a bunch of bs small talk.

Thats why I love the movie HITCH, especially the speed dating scene at the end. Because it strips away all the bs that people use as a way to communicate with members of the opposite sex. And brings to light how you arent allowed to just be real with people. Because they will think you are weird if you just speak honestly with them.

Why can you be honest with the person after months of dating, but you cant be honest with them right when you meet them ?

You have to pretend that you arent gaga over them.

June 26, 2010

That's true. Personally I don't care for a relationship or dating at all. But I'm young enough to be stupid and disregard that. Too much BS for me.

There are some real people out there who don't beat around, but you know, you're right. As much as people say on here that they don't play any kind of games, they do. On some level, they do. Not just in relationships, just people in general.

If I tell people I'm going to a bookstore to meet women, they'll call me a creep. If I *happen* to meet a woman in a bookstore, it's a cute love story for them to tell all their friends and awww about on facebook.

That's not to say you can't do it, afterall, the women you meet might never know why you were in the bookstore. And even if they did, if it's such a big deal, they're not the kind of person I want to meet anyway. But I do see your point here. It's a tough one.

I still think there's plenty of people out there in your immediate surroundings that you can ask out. Ask 'em all out and get rejected? Why not? ! Rejection is just a fun little game if you look at it the right away.

June 26, 2010

It does kinda suck being older than someone looks..but are you dating to 'score' or to find that someone?..or just conversation?...there are good ladies out there..some desperate and some not..the more you meet and and greet increases the odds of all reasons.

June 26, 2010

Throw the damn car on the trailer and head out. I started my second racing career when I was 37 and met all kinds of people weekend touring. You're in Ohio. You know how many cool racetracks there are within a day's tow? Racetracks with female *fans* not the desert rats like I'm used to out here in Cali. Green trees and grass. Get out there. Do what you enjoy and revel in it. The right woman for you might show up and, regardless, you'll have a blast. That's what life is about. Even though my race car is setting again, I just got another one of the street cars running and have been driving the piss out of it. It's a great way to meet people. Heck, I met some ladies in the parking lot of the supermarket loading my trunk with groceries. You don't see 46 year old cars in parking lots these days

Have fun!

June 26, 2010

are you dating to 'score' or to find that someone?..or just conversation?

Do you think I even have a choice ? I emailed over 60 women on a dating site with no replies.

I'm 5' 8" about 180 So its not like im overweight, and I've had a lot of compliments from women saying I look good.

(of course only married or taken women tell you that, single women never reveal anything)

And I emailed very attractive women, down to unattractive women, just to see what would happen, and still no replies.

Its not that I'm mad because I cant get a date, its more that it boggles my mind women wont even give me a chance.

I have my own house, no kids, no drama, and women avoid me like the plague.

Guys DREAM of finding a women like that.

Why dont the women want the same ?

June 26, 2010

I emailed over 60 women on a dating site with no replies.[/Quote]How many women have you asked out in person?

I don't think 60 online dating "rejections" are anything. All they have to go by is your height, weight, a pic which could be old, new, photoshopped, somebody else, and a little description.

Now, if your best qualities are on paper, like, if you're a male model, 6'1, athletic, and looking for a relationship, you'll get some results online straight away. The same way an attractive blonde with big boobs will get complimented 77 times a day.

Online dating and its list mentality kind of gives people the option to quickly just find someone who looks good on paper without seriously thinking and reading the bios. Not to mention you don't use your voice, your conversational patterns, your mannerisms, personality -- that stuff right away can be what makes women want to go out with you.

You could be an average guy, with a house, car, whatever and a woman might say "meh, he's cute...but...", but then if you can show her how you act and talk, and can be very charming, your chances could go way up.

I'm sure some online dating sites are better than others in the way they link people up. But I dunno about this profile stuff with people just looking at pics and a few lines and making a decision. I don't feel that's any indication of a real rejection.

60 rejections in real life would be something impressive though....why not see if it matches up in real life? Go and ask out 60 women this month...see what happens...maybe keep a blogspot or something to keep your spirits high and laugh about it with anyone who follows your progress.

Edited June 26, 2010 by Blade Runner

June 26, 2010

Serenity, drop the victim mentality and adopt a victor mentality. If any of your LS postings are anything to go by then you ooze with negativity. Women love self assured men. Guess it is easy coming from a 5'11" athletic male. All the same, I have friends shorter than I am who are pretty smooth with the women.

There is nothing wrong with meeting strange women in random places. What women dislike is the idea of guys just randomly approaching them for their phone number. Only hit on strange women when the conditions are conducive and the hitting-on appears as just a secondary thing and not your primary intent. Below are some example scenarions I have been in:

i was in a supermarket picking up my groceries when a lady asked me to reach for something on a higher shelf since i am a bit on the tall side. She tells me there are benefits to being tall and i jokingly tell her there is way more advantages to being short yadayada. Spontaneously we were in convo and the next thing we were talking about my city's jazz festival and she asked me if i was going...Wasnt into this woman but if i were I would have probably jokingly told her that i would only attend if i had someone to go with.

I am at the park with my child and I always end up striking conversations about kids with some of these mothers. Asking for her number will only be a secondary issue.

Another supermarket tale. I am a very frugal guy who knows all the sales around my neighbourhood supermarkets and always have a binder full of rainchecks. The other time I had snatched like 4 boxes of cornflakes using a raincheck from a couple weeks ago. This woman behind me in the queue asked me if there was some kinda sale on cornflakes since i had that many boxes. Told her that i had a raincheck to purchase them at half price. She was like "damn, I just missed a good sale". I then offered her 2 of my 4 boxes. She was like "really". From then on we started discussing my coupon and saving skills. After bagging our groceries I told her I do have some really sweet coupons for my local Denny's and we could both go and grab something to eat. She agreed because she felt comfortable since I didnt just creep up from nowhere and ask her for her number.

Moral of the story is to not make hitting on random women your number one goal. Just take advantage of any opportunities to engage a woman in a non hitting-on convo. That way her defenses will be down. Establish rapport first and this is a lot easier when women start the convo. Trust me there are tonnes of opportunities where women initiate innocent convo with you. In my case the first thing I usually do is sneak a peak at her hand to see if there is a ring. If not she is game. The supermarket is a very ripe place for picking up women.

June 26, 2010

I totally dig the OP. Enough with the BS "positive thinking". Yes, it helps - and a lot - but it does not change the fact that the world sucks, there is little hope, and it's a miracle that society still functions. I.e. there are no "objective" reasons to think positively, other than the fact that it helps with constructive action.

"Positive thinking" is just a lame, make do, evolutionary mechanism that helps us to delude ourselves into overestimating out abilities and underestimating the obstacles, so that we actually go and try to make the most of everything, rather than give up, which in most cases is the rational choice .

OP, suburbs are THE worst place on earth in general, and particularly so for meeting women. Your only hopes are 1) hookers; 2) bored soccer moms looking for some strange while their husbands are at work trying to make the payments for the McMansion.

You should totally give up, and focus on being a badass instead. Maybe you'll get lucky one day, but stop thinking about it or else you will go crazy.

June 26, 2010

Below are some example scenarions I have been in:

Your examples include the FEMALE initiating the contact with you.

That contradicts the whole entire conversation of 3 pages here. Did you read anything ?

And once again, just because I vent on here, means nothing with how I interact with someone in person. I know thats hard for people to understand but its possible.

Everyone that thinks women can "sense" negativity is completely off their rocker.

I am more cordial and respectful with women than the positive thinking guys that just use them as a slab of meat.

People that come on here and say " well gee, maybe if you werent so negative" have no clue on what I'm talking about, or even understand anything in this thread. They have no clue what I'm talking about always jump on the "negative bandwagon" , pointing to it as the culprit for my lack of success.

People immediately assume that I'm totally negative just because I talk about reality, and am intelligent enough to counter generalized positive suggestions by the posters.

If I simply replied with, "golly gee thanks guys I'm gonna run out there and start all over I feel so good about myself now" everyone would think I was really positive. When in reality my chances are no better off than before.

You dont know what mood or state of mind I'm in by reading text on the screen. So again, jumping to negativity as the culprit is just a cop-out because you have no real answer, or intelligent ingredient to bring to the table for discussion.

Have you ever heard of debate class ? Guess what, you can disagree with people and argue your point, doesnt mean you are pissed off at them.

Edited June 26, 2010 by Serenitynow

June 26, 2010

i was in a supermarket picking up my groceries when a lady asked me to reach for something on a higher shelf since i am a bit on the tall side. She tells me there are benefits to being tall and i jokingly tell her there is way more advantages to being short yadayada. Spontaneously we were in convo and the next thing we were talking about my city's jazz festival and she asked me if i was going...Wasnt into this woman but if i were I would have probably jokingly told her that i would only attend if i had someone to go with.

Another supermarket tale. I am a very frugal guy who knows all the sales around my neighbourhood supermarkets and always have a binder full of rainchecks. The other time I had snatched like 4 boxes of cornflakes using a raincheck from a couple weeks ago. This woman behind me in the queue asked me if there was some kinda sale on cornflakes since i had that many boxes. Told her that i had a raincheck to purchase them at half price. She was like "damn, I just missed a good sale". I then offered her 2 of my 4 boxes. She was like "really". From then on we started discussing my coupon and saving skills. After bagging our groceries I told her I do have some really sweet coupons for my local Denny's and we could both go and grab something to eat. She agreed because she felt comfortable since I didnt just creep up from nowhere and ask her for her number.

Moral of the story is to not make hitting on random women your number one goal. Just take advantage of any opportunities to engage a woman in a non hitting-on convo. That way her defenses will be down. Establish rapport first and this is a lot easier when women start the convo. Trust me there are tonnes of opportunities where women initiate innocent convo with you. In my case the first thing I usually do is sneak a peak at her hand to see if there is a ring. If not she is game. The supermarket is a very ripe place for picking up women.

The woman has to want to talk to you at the supermarket. Most women are there to get their shopping done and don't want to be bothered. When I see a woman at the supermarket shopping alone, I'll say to myself I bet I'll see her boyfriend or husband walk up to her within seconds. Sure enough, I'm right more often than not. If you don't get opportunities, how can you take advantage of them?

Edited June 26, 2010 by gamma1

June 26, 2010

I only have a few friends. all of them are married except one. And all of them are mindless pigs, so I wouldnt expect anything worthwhile from them as far as a date setup. They probably know some single women, but wouldnt dare tell me because they probably like flirting with them at their place of business. (yes many guys are actually that demented)

I'm not surprised that the OP is having trouble socially. I mean, look at the way he describes people who he calls his friends. Wow. I think that the above paragraph tells me the type of person he is.

June 26, 2010

Yep, the type that doesnt bite their tongue when it comes to the truth.

June 26, 2010

I wish I had an answer too. I just moved to Virginia Beach after ling in NYC considerably longer than 39 years. (39 is a great age and many people swear that life begins at 40). But with all those people in NY, it could be the loneliest place in the world. I did however meet quality women in continuing ed classes. Teenagers don't take continuing ed--they mostly just take day school. Continuing ed at night draws people more in your age group. The difference though which made it easier for me is that I had the chance to walk a woman to the subway whereas in the bloody burbs everyone gets into a car and there is little diversion to ask someone on the way to the train to have a drink or some coffee or w/e. I hate the burbs and I feel for anyone who doesn't know anyone out in the boonies.

A lot of people can and do get introduced in church but I'd just as soon be corn holed by Magic Johnson than go to a church and get hooked up with some believer biotch. Good luck. It's a hard road unless you're living conditions and your interests change and you somehow can indeed find pussyland and a way to support yourself there.

June 26, 2010

There are no cities near me.

great idea, I'll drive 2 hours to a big city, join a group and waste how much gas back and forth for weeks, all the while pretending to be really interested in what I'm doing, when actually I'm just biding my time to find a suitable date, which if we did meet, I would have to drive almost 4 hours round trip just to see her.

Wow. I hope this is not how you come off in real life.

Your post is entitled "How do I meet women at 39?" A couple of posters gave you honest suggestions, and you, completely rudely and in a hostile manner, threw it back in their faces.

It seems like you've already decided that there isn't a solution, so why did you post this thread?

June 26, 2010

I know how you feel. I live in a small area too. (Of course I'm one of those vile single moms), the pool is pretty shallow here.

I have one idea about the online thing, if its a pay site then a lot of those profiles are set up by non subscribers, in which case they may want to reply but can't because they can't afford the subscription fees.

I wish I could offer some ideas other than maybe expanding your "criteria" in order to enlarge to pool of women who show up in your results. Also, joining a church or civic group might be helpful in just meeting people, and in amongst people will be single female people . . . .

June 26, 2010

I was on a free dating site for 8 months.

I know that the pay sites have fake profiles, I used to get emails from the fakes often.

June 27, 2010

I just read all of the pages and I'm still not sure what you want from people. You know there's not many women in your area, you don't want to move(understandable) work's outta the question, so are friends setting you up. Do things that you like to do and don't try so hard. I'll be 38 next month. I am 2x divorced with 4 kids. Just me telling a guy those stats makes most run! Yet I don't care, I workout daily and meet many guys there. Have dated several and am not currently in a relationship but I'm fine being single until I meet a guy worth my time. You really look younger than 40 so that's a plus. I know it's frustrating. Very! Just take time for your hobbies or maybe pick up some new ones. I personally don't mind being approached at the grocery store or other public places. I choose how I respond but most men seem to do it in a not creepy way. Good luck to you.

June 27, 2010

I am 2x divorced with 4 kids. Just me telling a guy those stats makes most run!

Thats because the divirce rate is 50%

And thats for new couples with no kids.

Its way higher when you marry someone that already has kids

Mothers will always take their childs side over the step-dads side, no matter how wrong the child is.

Would you put up with that mindset if you had to deal with it ?

June 27, 2010

I've put up with a guy thinking he's in competition with the kids. It obviously ended for other reasons. Yes a mother will stick up for her children but as an adult I won't defend my children if they're wrong and I won't be put in a position to choose. Guess that's why I'm single. I'm fine with it though, when it happens I'll be happy with that but if it doesn't it's ok too.

June 27, 2010

Just because someone has a negative attitude on here doesnt mean it overflows into how I interact with a woman face to face.

.

Maybe, but it shows up real quick here, why wouldn't it show up elsewhere?

Your other posts show all kinds of problems of jadedness, negativity, and just a horrible attitude in general (in fact somewhat of a jerk)...

And you're quite sure that never ever comes off with women...

Edited June 27, 2010 by homersheineken

Sign In

How am I supposed to meet a woman at 39

Recommended Posts

Serenitynow

Blade Runner

Serenitynow

Serenitynow

Blade Runner

Serenitynow

Blade Runner

DadofTwoGirls

carhill

Serenitynow

Blade Runner

jamal

Mr White

Serenitynow

gamma1

Beerme

Serenitynow

Feelin Frisky

kiss_andmakeup

brainygirl

Serenitynow

jennifer4

Serenitynow

jennifer4

homersheineken

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...