How am I supposed to meet a woman at 39

[Serenitynow]

I live in a suburb. Probably 35,000 people at the most, and thats pushin it. I tried dating sites but there just arent enough women around here to make it worth while. I emailed at least 60 women on the last site and never got 1 reply. I did however get contacted by a few woman that were 2 hours away or farther.

I think much of the advice of approaching women in public only works for the younger crowd. I wish there was something that showed the age of the OP on here, because that really changes the perception depending on the subject.

Many people on here probably live in larger metro areas, where they find it easy to come in contact with the opposite sex. There is no where to go in public for me to meet women. There is 1 book store, and its filled with 20yr old coffee snobs. The bars/clubs are out of the question. I'm sure there are some 40 ish women there, but who really wants to date a 40 yr old that hangs out at those places ?

The ex and me got dissolutioned in 2008. The only reason we got together, is because I knew her from my old street before I moved. The girl before her I met online in my late 20's.

I have never approached anyone in public to try to date. It doesnt work, especially when you are 39. And thats another problem, EVERYONE says I look 29-30. So that screws me over even more. I'm sure the women my age think I am some young punk lookin to score with an older woman.

Even if I did approach a woman in public, I still have to make up crap as to the reason to initiate the conversation. EVERY woman I know, ex's, friends, work aquintances, they all talk about how they hate being approached by guys in public.

Most of the women on here even said how they dont want guys approaching them in public. Especially when they are just running errands, or shopping, or getting gas, or etc etc. So how in the hell am I supposed to meet anyone ?

If I wait till you are out and all gussied up, than you get an attitude because you think I'm only hitting on you because now you look good.

I dont wanna hear anyone tell me "dont hit on her just talk about something you have in common" its the same damn thing. The intent of any contact is to try to get a date.

How am I supposed to know by looking at someone that I'm even interested in her anyways ?

[TouchedByViolet]

Can you move to a bigger city?

 

At your age group the best resources are online dating and having a friend set you up with a date.

 

Do you have friends who know of quality single ladies at an age that works?

[Lakeside_runner]

Do you have hobbies that you could pursue with other people? There is a whole bunch of single guys in your age range in my running group and a whole bunch of single women who're 32-37.

[Serenitynow]

I am so sick and tired of people telling me to move. I forgot to mention that in my post.

 

Seriously though, I'm supposed to quit my job and find another one, JUST to have a better chance at finding a date ?

 

Do you realize how bad the economy is and how high the unemployment rate is ? Do people even take that into consideration when telling me to move ?

 

I only have a few friends. all of them are married except one. And all of them are mindless pigs, so I wouldnt expect anything worthwhile from them as far as a date setup. They probably know some single women, but wouldnt dare tell me because they probably like flirting with them at their place of business. (yes many guys are actually that demented)

[Serenitynow]

whole bunch of single guys in your age range in my running group and a whole bunch of single women who're 32-37.

I live in a small suburb, there are no "groups" to join.

 

I have a car that I drag race on the weekends. And the only women that hang out at drag strips my age are married, or they smoke and look like a leather bag that got left out in the sun for 20 yrs.

[Lakeside_runner]

I live in a small suburb, there are no "groups" to join.

 

I have a car that I drag race on the weekends. And the only women that hang out at drag strips my age are married, or they smoke and look like a leather bag that got left out in the sun for 20 yrs.

 

Lots of the people from the suburbs who work in the cities make it to the run before going home. Check out meetup.com to see if there is something of interest to you in a reasonable distance.

[Serenitynow]

There are no cities near me.

 

great idea, I'll drive 2 hours to a big city, join a group and waste how much gas back and forth for weeks, all the while pretending to be really interested in what I'm doing, when actually I'm just biding my time to find a suitable date, which if we did meet, I would have to drive almost 4 hours round trip just to see her.

[Lakeside_runner]

There are no cities near me.

 

great idea, I'll drive 2 hours to a big city, join a group and waste how much gas back and forth for weeks, all the while pretending to be really interested in what I'm doing, when actually I'm just biding my time to find a suitable date, which if we did meet, I would have to drive almost 4 hours round trip just to see her.

 

Well, fine then... do nothing.

[Serenitynow]

Just to give an example of how few options there are.

 

On the dating site, if when I did a search for women between the age of 28 - 43 with no kids. It comes back with 10 profiles.

 

10 women ! Thats it.

 

The woman I married had 3 kids, the woman before her had kids.

 

The divorce rate is 50% and thats if neither of you have any kids.

 

With kids it sky rockets higher.

 

I'm not totally turning my back on women with kids, but I know that the chances are much lower of it working out in the long run.

 

So its almost a waist of time even trying. Because its almost impossible to find a well rounded female with no kids in my area.

 

But in the large metro areas, there are tons of single, very attractive 30ish women, with no kids. I dont understand why such a difference with geography being the only change in the equation.

[Serenitynow]

Well, fine then... do nothing.

 

Thats because its EASY for anyone to sit at a keyboard and spit out unrealistic ideas, just to make someone feel good.

 

I'm not here for a "youre a good person" pep talk.

 

I'm a realist. Which I know is a minority group , especially on forums.

 

I wish more people would just respond with real world advice, or comments.

 

Are the people that want me to date someone hours away from me going to pay for my gas during the whole relationship ?

[Art_Critic]

I emailed at least 60 women on the last site and never got 1 reply.

 

These 60 women that you emailed.. you didn't by chance use a cut and pasted email or something just generic did you ?

 

IMO If I emailed 60 women and got no get a response I wouldn't look at them.. I would look at what I was saying in those emails..

 

( I quickly did the dates/ages so they are only as accurate as I can be without a pen/paper )

At 37-38 I found myself divorced and thought I would never find someone..

I buried myself in my work and projects at home and enjoyed being alone..

 

I started doing online dating and met many women.. some turned into relationships that lasted more than a year..

 

I met my now wife on match.com at the age of 43 and today at the age of 47 We have been married since 2007 and have a 2+ year old boy..

 

You can meet someone after the age of 39..

 

Don't give up, Work on yourself and the right girl will come along..

You do have to put yourself out there though..

She isn't going to be found if you never leave the house..

[Lakeside_runner]

Thats because its EASY for anyone to sit at a keyboard and spit out unrealistic ideas, just to make someone feel good.

 

I'm not here for a "youre a good person" pep talk.

 

I'm a realist. Which I know is a minority group , especially on forums.

 

I wish more people would just respond with real world advice, or comments.

 

Are the people that want me to date someone hours away from me going to pay for my gas during the whole relationship ?

 

Listen, I'm not giving you a pep talk here. I'm not saying "You're a good person, be patient love will find you eventually..." etc. No... it won't. I read your post, I read your responses and honestly you come off as a quite jaded person who's going to sit and complain and not willing to change things.

 

First of all, yes, living in a suburb and being 39 and single must suck big time since suburbs are really for families. Maybe I got confused thinking that if you say that you live in suburbia there's a bigger city nearby. So in other words - do you live in a small town?

 

I don't know, nobody says "move to a big city and quit your job and give everything up". Have you considered moving somewhere, possibly closer to an area with more options, which would make your commute longer but allowed you keeping your present job?

 

It's hard to come up with ideas given such limited information. What do you do for a living? Is there any way you could interact with any of your co-workers?

 

I got the impression that you've a really negative view on things - that doesn't make you a realist by any means...

[nevertoolate]

I don't have any advice for you...but thanks for sharing your frustration. It's lifting my spirits a little right now to know that I'm not alone in my sad outlook on meeting someone else! I'm recently divorced and now seeing someone, but that's not working out very well. I don't know if this new relationship will last, and it scares me to think that I'll never find someone with whom to share my life. I went to the mall alone on a Friday night and I'm feeling like I want love in my life more than ever.

 

One thing I suspect though is if I'm lucky enough to meet someone I might be interested in dating, a sour attitude will not likely get me very far!

[Serenitynow]

I got the impression that you've a really negative view on things - that doesn't make you a realist by any means...

Just because someone has a negative attitude on here doesnt mean it overflows into how I interact with a woman face to face.

 

being a realist means I KNOW and accept that the odds are against me in this situation. I'm not one of those bs positive thinkers, that feels like if they have a positive outlook, than good things will happen. Thats a load of crap.

 

How many different personalities do you think were on the floor of the world trade center when the plane crashed though the windows ?

 

Do you think the plane and the jet fuel spared the glass half full people, and only killed the glass half empty ones ?

 

THATS being a realist, knowing that all that crap and all that mumbo jumbo that people use a crutch is just that.

 

I work in retail. I drive to stores and fix things. I work day turn m-f. So 99% of the employees are old women 50 and up, that punch register keys.

 

Younger females arent in the retail world like they were 10 - 15 years ago. I dont know where they all are working, but its not at my stores.

 

And anyways, I wouldt risk hitting on a girl at work anyways. Its not worth it, and its not worth the relationship of seeing someone I date at work.

 

 

.

Edited June 26, 2010 by Serenitynow

[Art_Critic]

I'm not one of those bs positive thinkers, that feels like if they have a positive outlook, than good things will happen. Thats a load of crap.

 

You're kidding

 

Scratch my last post.. I think if you contacted 60 women and didn't show them a positive spin on things then I know why you didn't get any replies.

By chance does your anger towards others or towards yourself get expressed in emails when you are frustrated ?

 

Sorry for being blunt but I don't think you realize how you are coming across right now and maybe that is the same thing that is happening with online dating..

[Serenitynow]

There was a section for profile reviews on the dating site.

 

I specifically asked for people to be honest and blunt.

 

And many women out of state, told me that my profile was very refreshing compared to the typical male jargon they saw.

 

And more than a handful also commented that "you look good, why are you having such a hard time on here"

 

.

[BB07]

I'm sorry if my post comes across as bashing, but you do sound very negative in your outlook. Maybe it's not the way you are in real life but it does come across here on LS as such.

 

BTW........women are everywhere, the grocery store, the mall, the gas station, restaurants and the list goes on.

[Serenitynow]

I think once you are over 30, women look at

 

your job

 

do you have a degree

 

do you have kids

 

have you been married or had a real relationship

 

etc etc

 

Then they decide if they find you attractive

[Art_Critic]

And more than a handful also commented that "you look good, why are you having such a hard time on here"

 

.

 

There ya go..

Look inward..

[Serenitynow]

BTW........women are everywhere, the grocery store, the mall, the gas station, restaurants and the list goes on.

 

I still dont think people are looking at this from my point of view

 

Do you really think 40 yr old women want guys to hit on them at a gas station, grocery store, etc ?

 

I think thats more for the younger crowd of giggly girls that think its cute that some guy thinks shes hot.

 

40 yr old women( the kind of women I WANT to date) dont want strange guys approaching them.

[Confused100]

I know the economy is bad so just moving to a city is difficult. Have you tried applying to a lot of jobs in the city? Sure, it may take a while--I know just how hard the job hunt is--but perhaps if you focus some efforts there, then that can be a route to moving.

 

Of course, disregard this if you're already trying this...

[Serenitynow]

Love how I say I hate when people comment about moving as an option to fix the situation, yet they keep on telling me to move.

 

I am NOT going to move/switch jobs just to take a CHANCE at finding someone.

 

 

.

[Blade Runner]

OP, I really feel for your situation. I can see how this is difficult. Some of the suggestions here do seem a little ridiculous at first -- afterall, moving to a new city, or driving a few hours just to meet somebody who you're going to have drive 4 hours to see everytime is too tough.

 

Let's be honest, that IS unrealistic. However, you mentioned yourself, you're not coming into contact with the right people. So what do you do? You've really only got two choices -- go where the women are, or stay where they aren't.

 

You mention a few things in your post that I'm not sure about. You said all the people in the bookstore are snobby 20 year olds or whatever -- but you know in order for you to know that, it means you've been there more than a few times. So there's a chance that a 35+ year old woman has also been there a few times.

 

Many of the people I know who have formed relationships did it in the weirdest ways, in places you'd never expect it.

 

However -- this is the part where you say "I can't sit around and wait for a massive coincidence like that" - True. You don't want to be sitting around forever.

 

One thing I will say is I also hear women all the time say "Omg like I hate when guys approach me in public..." Deep down, heaps of them love it. Not all, but a good portion. And another thing - consider this situation that I see at least a few times a week:

 

Average looking guy approaches girl in a bar. Says Hello. Girl shrugs him off.

Girl says to her friends "Oh my god, I hate these creeps in here...."

 

Brad Pitt approaches girl in a bar. Says Hello. Girl says:

"Oh my god, he's cute!!!!"

 

Now granted, there will be women who hate being approached when they're out and about. Many of them will have an ipod, or a book, or something so they have a reason not to seem open. But some women will make themselves seem open.

 

It is a fact that a lot of women are in your position and WANT to meet guys, and they are open to meeting guys in public. A 35-40 year old woman is absolutely KIDDING herself if she's gonna be so picky as to say "I won't meet guys in public/during the day/at the gas station". Come on! She's 40! She doesn't have the luxaries of a 20 year old.

 

So to be fair, you can't rule out approaching all women at all times. There are places and times when you can, and should approach these women. Library, bar, gas station, supermarket, bookstore (not every single person in the bookstore 24 hours a day is a 20 year old hipster). On the street. 35+ year old women in bars with groups of other women are often single I'm sure.

 

Personally if I was in your situation I'd get the hell out into a big city and start over. If there's not much keeping you down, why not? Life's too damn short for medicocrity. However -- I agree - do NOT move just to find dates. Only move for a different life, a different outlook. I would never move cities just to find girls. I'd only do it to change my whole lifestyle.

 

Again, not trying to say this is the only option, just saying what I'd do -- I realize that you're frustrated, and you can't do a lot of the things that would line you up with women. But you're going to have to do something a little different.

 

By the way looking 30 at 39 is awesome. Pimp that.

Edited June 26, 2010 by Blade Runner

[gamma1]

I'm a similar age and am in a similar predicament, except I'm in a big city. There may be 100 times as many women, but there is also 100 times as many men. I don't see how moving will help. I could use some ideas too.

[Confused100]

Love how I say I hate when people comment about moving as an option to fix the situation, yet they keep on telling me to move.

 

I am NOT going to move/switch jobs just to take a CHANCE at finding someone.

 

 

.

 

Then stop complaining about how there are no women in your area.....?