What do I do from here?

[unfortunatecons]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we have a kid whose 1 year old. We stay together. We just broke up because we realised we cannot work things out anymore. And he was so calm about it, he seemed actually fine. I asked him when things calm down, whether he was sad. And he said yes.

 

I found out 2 hours later he was cheating on me. With his collegue who is, (well now WAS) a lesbian for 5 years in a relationship.

 

We broke up because I lie about stuff. I ran an online business during these 3 years and my supplier disappeared, leaving me in a debt of more than 20 grand. We slowly paid everyone back, I almost got arrested and risked the chance of losing my kid, because of that I kept lying to ensure that he doesn't worry. That it was MY burden to handle. Also he found out recently I've been deleting texts from those customers who were complaining they wanted their money back. I didn't want him to worry so I kept deleting. And he found out. Because of that, we ended it today. One day after my birthday.

 

I am sad, but was okay with it because i thought maybe it was better for him to start anew. That maybe he didn't deserve this treatment i was giving him. Till i found out he was cheating on me. On my birthday he left after cutting the cake, which i baked because i know how much he loves chocolate, to meet her.

 

I cry everytime i think of them together, i know her by the way. And i sacrificed everything for him. My job, school, friends because he didn't like them. He still had everything he had then and now. I gave in. He was broke for the rest of his life, he comes from a poor family. I supported his family, him, bought him everything he wanted. But he cheated on me.

 

I don't know what to do now. Where do we stay? How about the kid? Do i let him see his dad? My family doesn't talk to me anymore because i got pregnant before marriage. I have absolutely noone to depend on anymore.

 

I would like to know if anyone had a similar experience, and what i should do? I paid the rent of our room, ( we rented a room from his aunt) and now I have to be the one who moves out because its his family ( and because i have no job).

 

what should i do? should i say im sorry to make him cheat on me? should i tell him i should have done better?

 

thanks in advance for even reading this.

[GrayClouds]

I am sorry for your situation. To be honest this is a train wreck. I suggest with all sincerity to spend your effort on improving yourself and raising your child.

 

Keep you focus on those things it will help you get over the relationship, and give your child a stable life.

 

 

So you want a second chance?

 

Good luck.

[unfortunatecons]

Thanks. You are right, as you said i should focus on my child. I think he deserves something better and that thinking of him will help me move on as well.

 

His family asked both of us to take a month to think about stuff and all that, I said yes although right now i don't think i can ever forgive him. But who knows what happens within a month?

 

His family throws daggers with their eyes at me just now during the family discussion. And said I lead to his cheating and it was MY fault. i know it isn't, but i'm having a hard time convincing myself about that right now.

[StarrySkyBlue]

It's not your fault! You were trying to handle your own problem. It might not have been the best thing to do, but you had his best interest in mind when you did it.

 

His family's attitude is NOT healthy. He cheated and they blamed you for it? What a bunch of BS. No wonder he's such a selfish jerk having been raised with that attitude.

 

It's now time to stand up for yourself, to be independent. Can you get him to help pay for child support? Try to get a job, try going back to your family. I know it's hard and they might not be supportive, but you need all the help you can get now because you have your son's future to think about.

 

In future relationships, don't give in. No man is worth sacrificing your identity for. He he wants that from you, he's not right for you. But for now, try to get yourself back on your feet again as soon as possible.

 

I wish you and your son all the best!

[GrayClouds]

Thanks. You are right, as you said i should focus on my child. I think he deserves something better and that thinking of him will help me move on as well.

.

 

No what you need to know is you deserves better, your child deserves better, Start by acting like you do and then work on believing that you do.

[unfortunatecons]

 

It's now time to stand up for yourself, to be independent. Can you get him to help pay for child support? Try to get a job, try going back to your family. I know it's hard and they might not be supportive, but you need all the help you can get now because you have your son's future to think about.

 

In future relationships, don't give in. No man is worth sacrificing your identity for. He he wants that from you, he's not right for you. But for now, try to get yourself back on your feet again as soon as possible.

 

I wish you and your son all the best!

 

thanks for telling me its not my fault. i really need it now. and his family are those kind of families whereby they always stick to each other, no matter how or what they did. his mom texted me just now, telling me

"now i hope you understand how it feels to be treated badly, as how my son felt when he was with you and that after all he went thru for me, its pitiful of me to not care for his feelings at all and hurt him like that"

 

i mean seriously? i know they have a right to be upset because of what i did but still, i dont think anyone deserves to be cheated on in any way.

 

also, yes he will be supporting the child. i've learnt alot from this, and thanks again

[unfortunatecons]

No what you need to know is you deserves better, your child deserves better, Start by acting like you do and then work on believing that you do.

 

i will try. it only has happened today, im still trying my best to try to absorb everything

[unfortunatecons]

well an update! kind of.

 

my ex boyfriend called my friend to try to talk to me. Before she met me she told her mom about my situation and her mom is willing to rent a room to my son and i. rent free for the first few months but i'd cook all 3 meals in return for a while.

 

and i've asked a few hospitals for counter jobs, like admin jobs i guess. and i will probably put my son in a Montessori or a playgroup as he;s still so young and i will start studying again.

 

i dont really know if it'll work out right now, but i'm actually optimistic. one whole day of crying but i'm feeling quite alright now. i'm looking forward to moving on with my life. i really am. of course i'd still be depressed here and there being reminded of my lovED one, but maybe its for the better?

[GrayClouds]

well an update! kind of.

 

my ex boyfriend called my friend to try to talk to me. Before she met me she told her mom about my situation and her mom is willing to rent a room to my son and i. rent free for the first few months but i'd cook all 3 meals in return for a while.

 

and i've asked a few hospitals for counter jobs, like admin jobs i guess. and i will probably put my son in a Montessori or a playgroup as he;s still so young and i will start studying again.

 

i dont really know if it'll work out right now, but i'm actually optimistic. one whole day of crying but i'm feeling quite alright now. i'm looking forward to moving on with my life. i really am. of course i'd still be depressed here and there being reminded of my lovED one, but maybe its for the better?

Crying is good, but do not wallow. Try to get out and walk, more the better, if you can add a jog to it even better. Make sure your eating some good clean healthy meals on a regular bases. It is hard to feel better if you not keeping your self up.

 

Keep moving forward, you are already doing great. It does get better, the harder you work at it the better it gets