piscis Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 My MM told me he has been working hard in leaving his W. It is so unreal as I write it down. I can feel it and see it but I am there clinging. Anyway, he told me he has been talking to her about him leaving and that she is accepting it and being considerate with child visitations and making it easy to tehir daughter. Later I asked for his mobile phone to send a message and there was a message from him to her that said "baby how are you??" Of course I was mad about the "baby" she has a name she can call her by his name, he says he uses the "baby word" to avoid making a mistake calling her by my name, well if he does not want to make a mistake he could just write "hi! how are you???" It is completly ilogical that you are calling "baby" a person you are about to split from. Then after arguing for a long time he told me he WANTS with his life to move ot but that he CAN NOT because he loves his daughter and he can not put her through that pain of him leaving, 15 minutes later at the same conversation he retracted by telling me that he loves me and that he just said that because he was tired of the fight but that it was not true, that he is trying to convince himself that his daughter will be fine with him home or not. Can you belive him? Worse can you belive I am still with him?
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Yeah, your still with him, coz you love him. The question is, why do you love him? He is cheating on his W with you. Why do you think he wouldn't do the same to you if you hooked up with him, without the W in the picture? It boggles my mind.
sadintexas Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I know I'm going to sound like a broken record, but here's the deal. He calls her baby as a form of affection. He would not even consider calling her that for any other reason. He's lying to you. He moved back in to try to make his marriage work. He's probably contemplating what will happen if SHE decides that the marriage is over. That's why he's keeping you waiting in the wings. He thinks a few months is enough time to know whether or not they're going to have a real shot of working through this. He's not leaving that marriage voluntarily. He's not staying there purely for the sake of the daughter. I know you want to believe he's wrestling with this but the only thing he's wrestling with is how he's going to manage to try to keep his marriage together, and keep you on the side during this time in case it doesn't work out with her. I wish you could see it from where I'm standing. It seems so clear. I know what it's like to be in the middle of it and want more than anything else to think that if you're patient and give him this time and space he will choose you. The thing is that his choice has been made. He went back! If he comes to you it will be because she made the choice to end the marriage. If you're okay with that, then wait. I couldn't be okay with that where I am today. It really is so different on the other side.
sadintexas Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 (edited) why won't mistresses give ultimateus? I don't understand that. I think because they feel if they hang on "just a little bit longer" they'll have the fairytale that they and their MOP have dreamed of, talked about, created in theory. The "process of getting out of the marriage" is a necessary means to an end. AND They want to be as opposite of the wife as possible. She's the one at home, nagging him, making his life miserable, making demands, being unreasonable (in the words of MM that is). The AP wants to be the understanding, patient and caring one so he can see how they are clearly different and how he would be so much happier with her. Edited June 26, 2010 by sadintexas
cavedweller Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 piscis, You are wasting your time with him....My money says he will not leave his wife....Dump him and move on.
Fieldsofgold Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I think because they feel if they hang on "just a little bit longer" they'll have the fairytale that they and their MOP have dreamed of, talked about, created in theory. The "process of getting out of the marriage" is a necessary means to an end. AND They want to be as opposite of the wife as possible. She's the one at home, nagging him, making his life miserable, making demands, being unreasonable (in the words of MM that is). The AP wants to be the understanding, patient and caring one so he can see how they are clearly different and how he would be so much happier with her. I think you are exactly right. On both counts.
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