Running out of conversation and awkward silences on the first few dates

[SadandConfusedWA]

I am an introvert and not good at making small talk with people I don't know well. I often find that on first few dates, conversation is mostly awakward and and I have to think hard of what to say. I am not sure if I should take this as a sign of incompatibility? I guess I have this idealistic view that if someone is truly right for me conversation will be natural from the start.

 

I generally get along better with extroverted people because they do lots of the talking thus minimizing the awkwardnes.

 

Once I get to to know someone, I can actually talk quite a lot and people that are close to me often wish that I would STFU.

 

My question is: should I write someone off just because the conversation doesn't flow easily on first date or two?

[Serenitynow]

I dont know

[harmfulsweetz]

I am an introvert and not good at making small talk with people I don't know well. I often find that on first few dates, conversation is mostly awakward and and I have to think hard of what to say. I am not sure if I should take this as a sign of incompatibility? I guess I have this idealistic view that if someone is truly right for me conversation will be natural from the start.

 

I generally get along better with extroverted people because they do lots of the talking thus minimizing the awkwardnes.

 

Once I get to to know someone, I can actually talk quite a lot and people that are close to me often wish that I would STFU.

 

My question is: should I write someone off just because the conversation doesn't flow easily on first date or two?

 

I wouldn't write someone off so quickly, as you've said, it takes you a while to build up that rapport with someone so that could easily be it. I'm exactly the same. I take a while before I open up to people so that conversation can flow easily. Of course,there's times when I find it just isn't going to progress, because there isn't that thing, but often, I know I can make things awkward as hell. I was so awkward on my first few dates with my ex, he was so close to just giving up he said, but eventually I opened up, and we were very compatible. We stayed together 3 years, which isn't that long, but it does say something for giving things a shot even when from the offset there appears to be no compatibility. Especially when you know yourself that could easily be affected by your introverted personality.

 

[TouchedByViolet]

I wouldn't write someone off so quickly, as you've said, it takes you a while to build up that rapport with someone so that could easily be it. I'm exactly the same. I take a while before I open up to people so that conversation can flow easily. Of course,there's times when I find it just isn't going to progress, because there isn't that thing, but often, I know I can make things awkward as hell. I was so awkward on my first few dates with my ex, he was so close to just giving up he said, but eventually I opened up, and we were very compatible. We stayed together 3 years, which isn't that long, but it does say something for giving things a shot even when from the offset there appears to be no compatibility. Especially when you know yourself that could easily be affected by your introverted personality.

 

 

I agree, you should give it more of a shot. 3 years isn't a long time?

 

I'm more of an introvert myself and struggle from this problem but I think your case might be a little more difficult because you are female. Socially females are kind of expected to talk and converse more easily. Even more importantly if a guy notices you aren't being communicative it can be a big turn off.

 

Try working on some basic communication skills. On date # 1 or 2 with a girl there should be plenty to talk about!

 

1. Careers/school

2. Entertainment stuff: Movies, music etc

3. Activities like sports

4. Whatever you enjoy in life

 

Just pick some area of your life you find interesting and talk about it. If a guy is interested he will listen and want to learn about you. Then he will have something to add on or say about himself.

 

I know you are a bit wary to talk about your education and math background, but I still firmly believe it is a huge turn on for many guys.

 

Have you ever tried a double date? Those can help communication foster and also your lady friend can let you know if you are doing something wrong afterwards or if the chemistry just isn't there. Helps to have an observer sometimes if you know something is wrong but your date won't tell you.

[Lakeside_runner]

As TouchedByViolet said - on dates #1 and #2 there are some generic topics to talk about... I'd like to believe that both parties should be involved in the conversation, keep asking questions etc. but it's mostly up to the guy if the girl is shy/introverted. You can always reciprocate questions that he asks. On later dates, there is usually some sort of other activity involved than just talking (like mini golf, sports etc., you name it). The more time you spend together the more topics you have to talk about. If not - that just means that the little connection that you have build up to this point is boring and it won't work out - this is the point when you may think of writing someone off.

[Ruby Slippers]

Ask questions about them. Respond to their answers with more questions. This will keep the convo going.

[kalikula]

There's pretty much endless things to talk about the first few times you hang out with someone. I've found that sometime it's ok to ramble a bit and talk about yourself or a recent slightly amusing story, and then ask a question that relates back to them.

 

Anyway once you get past a few dates you should see if you have chemistry by that time and then conversation will flow more naturally (Or you'll both be OK with just hanging out and not forced jabber all the time). I'm trying to get that memo across to the guy I'm dating, when we hang out he never shuts up!

[Confusedalways]

Ugh, I hate the first couple of dates because even if you're talking, you're still not sure which subjects they might be sensitive about, etc. The most annoying thing I find is trying to figure out if people are sensitive about curse words, how religious they are and other things that often require some sort of finesse.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't really write someone off the first date or two just from awkwardness. Date three would be when I would decide if it wasn't improving.