Day 6 - NC

[nihilanth100]

I had a hard day yesterday, I was basically fatigued all day and didn't do much. It could be because i've hit the gym harder than ever before and not eating enough calories coupled with grief, in fact thats probably it exactly. However today I feel much better, I am going through brief moments of time where I don't think about it for 10-15 minutes which is an improvement from every second. I can see things better and I am already seeing how this relationship can help me love the next girl even more.

 

Mine ended with the whole "ive lost feelings for you" deal where she basically pretended for a few weeks until she met a new guy then broke up with me. Looking back on it I can see now the GIANT red flags where I couldnt see them before. Note taken: will not pass those by again.

 

Ive read hundreds of threads and im on about page 58 which the threads date back to February. It has helped tremendously because its slowly cutting of the fact that we wont get back together. I had a little hope for this and im realizing that it wont happen. I havnt read a single success story for getting back together, and its helping me move on.

 

I start a new mentally stressful job on monday and I keep trying to look at it as a positive way to get my mind off the situation, but I cant help but feel like I may not be prepared. I have to be though, this is my future career.

 

I have a question for loveshack too: How can a girl be so ready to leave what I would call a good catch for some sleezebag?

 

Me: Confident (little too cocky:cool:), decent looking, solid future in Engineering, caring, funny etc

 

him: Near minimum wage job, pothead, has a degree but isnt doing anything with it, but apparently he was cool from what she talked about him.

 

Did I just push her that far away? I guess the feeling of me "rejecting" her when I pushed her away can overcome any feelings she had for me.

 

Im still learning, but I am oh so wiser than a week ago.

[ahashakeheartbreak]

You would be surprised who people will leave. Just saying. It doesn't matter if you're the nicest guy on earth, or the smartest, or what. Everyone still gets dumped. I'll give you an example.

I'm a (what many say) beautiful girl, I have a good future, I'm witty, sarcastic, can hold up an intelligent conversation, easy going, strong willed, and pretty classy and polite. I listen to the same music as my ex, a big thing for him, and not into the normal girl stuff.

I still got dumped. By someone, as some may say "not on my level."

(Not being cocky above at all, trying to be harsh to help).

There you go. People do things you'll never understand. Many she felt a connection more so with this guy than you? Who knows. Time to move on. I know it's hard, seems like you're heading in the right direction to start moving forward though, and that's great. Good luck.

[nihilanth100]

You would be surprised who people will leave. Just saying. It doesn't matter if you're the nicest guy on earth, or the smartest, or what. Everyone still gets dumped. I'll give you an example.

I'm a (what many say) beautiful girl, I have a good future, I'm witty, sarcastic, can hold up an intelligent conversation, easy going, strong willed, and pretty classy and polite. I listen to the same music as my ex, a big thing for him, and not into the normal girl stuff.

I still got dumped. By someone, as some may say "not on my level."

(Not being cocky above at all, trying to be harsh to help).

There you go. People do things you'll never understand. Many she felt a connection more so with this guy than you? Who knows. Time to move on. I know it's hard, seems like you're heading in the right direction to start moving forward though, and that's great. Good luck.

 

Excluding the beautiful girl part , you summed up how I feel about myself. Thats what I fell in love about her the first time we hung out. I shot off my usual sarcastic comments and where other girls might just giggle and blow it off she shot right back at me. I was blown away! Here is a girl that could keep up with me! Fast forward a year into the relationship and one of the problems she said I had was having a "tone" when I would talk with her. I knew I did and I worked on it, but maybe thats part of the reason we broke up. It was that "Oh my gosh the answer is so obvious" tone anytime she asked a question. I can see how it could belittle her and make her think I didnt respect her. Its just another red flag I should have seen and worked harder on. I've just always been THAT guy that everyone comes to when they have a question because (arrogance aside) I am right, or I can lead them to the answer. Maybe I need to work on this somewhat elitist attitude I tend to portray.

 

So maybe she made that connection to this guy because he wasnt as good as I am? Maybe she felt more safe and secure because she is many steps above him? I dunno, this post is coming off, and maybe it is, as brutally egotistical.

 

So I have a question for you heartbreak, do you feel like you can find someone in the massive pool of potential mates that can keep up with you and has those similar qualities? (good future, witty, sarcastic, can hold up an intelligent conversation, easy going, strong willed, pretty classy and polite)

 

Because I am so afraid I lost the one girl that could pace and sometimes even surpass me on many levels.

 

This reminds me of what she told me one time. Basically I slipped up and erred somehow, it was probably something dumb, and she jumped on me with sarcastic comments. It hurt a bit and I said "Why are you being so mean all of a sudden?", she replied "Well... its just you rarely slip up, if ever so I just made the comment".

 

I see how my attitude was hurting her more than ever now. Too bad I can't go back in time

[ahashakeheartbreak]

I'm sure there is someone that can. It's just annoying because my ex and I got along great, very close to my personality and all, so it's like a waste...you know? I am not picky, per se, but I am rarely attracted to anyone. When I am, I know off the bat (personality wise, looks don't mean as much to me in a guy, no offence...but rarely are guys good looking to me). Um, anyway, haha, I see it as his loss since it will be harder for me to find another girl like me, not to be cocky. But I know I am a rarity for him, (some guys would hate me).

 

Basically though, all you can do is move on. In the future though, realize what you have when you have it, and appreciate them for it.

 

And btw, my ex was a bum, but I was attracted to him and loved him for the above reasons. So...pot smoker or not, she sees something in that guy. You can think all you want about what you did wrong, but don't...it won't help you. Over thinking is quite dull and leads to no real product besides making you feel bad.

Edited June 26, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak

[nihilanth100]

I dont see our losses as a waste despite how "compatible" we were for our respective exes. There is something to learn from every relationship. I know I have learned a monumental amount about my relationship and despite breaking up I feel I have gained far more than I have lost.

 

I understand all we can really do is move on though, that's the only reason I posted was to further me along.

 

Its hard to see what the future holds when you're over taken with emotion as I have been, but that's quickly fading!

[ahashakeheartbreak]

Indeed! Esp since, at least in my case, somedays you feel you would say no if they were begging at your feet to come back, and other days you feel like you can't go on anymore.

 

It's hard and I'd rather have a broken ankle than a broken heart, speaking from experience of both lol. And indeed, you learn and grow from everything in your life, and a lesson is to had in everything and anything. Main point of everything I suppose.

 

I wish you luck on the rest of your "healing",

so

to speak!

 

[nihilanth100]

Thanks heartbreak! I hope we both can move forward with this. And youre right about the roller coaster of wanting them back or not. Some parts of the day I would forgive them in a second if they just showed up at my door, but other days I feel like I would slam the door in their face.

 

Its very confusing. It sucks turning into my lot hoping to see her car there like it was so many times before. I just watched swingers, great movie, helps put things in perspective haha.

[jeremy_s]

my girlfriend is currently on the roller coaster of wanting me but its been 5 days since the break up i really have no idea what is going to happen I don't want to be like another one of the people on the threads that didn't make it back to their "true love" or so we think but yes every relationship is a learning experience on your part the most greatest you get to see how you are in a ways that you haven't before. i really wish everyone the best of luck on the way they choose. It sucks that you can't just conjoin you and your "true Love" together forever cause that is what i would do, but if things were perfect like how they should be I guess we wouldn't have to do that. Like you said it sucks turning the corner to the parking lot to see nothing but expect her to be there, i know i tend to look at my phone all day just to see if I missed anything or if something is gonna pop up but never does. I really dont know what to say right now on how to help you because my brain is not yet in the normal space that it was but i can try and give you the knowledge that I know of cause it feels better knowing people are going through the same thing as you.

[bananaboat11]

You would be surprised who people will leave. Just saying. It doesn't matter if you're the nicest guy on earth, or the smartest, or what. Everyone still gets dumped. I'll give you an example.

I'm a (what many say) beautiful girl, I have a good future, I'm witty, sarcastic, can hold up an intelligent conversation, easy going, strong willed, and pretty classy and polite. I listen to the same music as my ex, a big thing for him, and not into the normal girl stuff.

I still got dumped. By someone, as some may say "not on my level."

(Not being cocky above at all, trying to be harsh to help).

There you go. People do things you'll never understand. Many she felt a connection more so with this guy than you? Who knows. Time to move on. I know it's hard, seems like you're heading in the right direction to start moving forward though, and that's great. Good luck.

 

 

I'm a guy, but same story for me being dumped by a girl.

[jeremy_s]

thankyou yeah but its hard my body doesn't want to eat nor sleep i have to force myself to eat then i feel very sick. i dont mean to have a conversation back and forth on your thread like this but what my ex really wants is for me to get a job and get my life together but where i live it is very low on jobs and all the jobs open you pretty much have to have a degree in it or years experience and im only 20 with really nothing other then sales retail haha but thankyou i hope everything in life goes with you. no one should ever have to struggle with anything life is too short.

[heavensmesenger]

Are you me? It's like reading my own break up AND i'm on day 6 NC too!!!

 

I've come to this conclusion with my ex...She's an idiot hahaha you can't figure them out pal it's impossible.

 

Yes you may have done things wrong in the relationship but you don't have a time machine so use these to better yourself so the next girl that comes into your life is better treated, because from the way your talking theres gonna be plenty.

 

Oh and one more thing...if she does want you back she will tell you, you can't force her to like/love you

[smk]

I almost feel like I am reading my own story here...

A quick picture of my situation. I am a 26 yr old guy, broke up with my first true love exactly 2 weeks ago.

I had know her for 2.5 hrs before we got together but initially we were merely acquaintances. Anyways 7 months ago something happened and we started hanging out alot and one led to another and basically we really hit it off.

I have ha a a couple of short relationships in the past but never anything serious simply because I never met someone who could challenge me intellectually, someone who had the wot and sarcasm and cocky sense of humour like mine. She had all of that and we could talk nonstop for hours on end and never get bored. Also I have always had some pretty bad views on relationships and love etc... Purely because I have seen some pretty messed up stuff while growing up at home, and with people in my life, coupled with the fact that I grew up mostly with nannies I sort of learnt to not emotionally connect with other people and never believed in the institution of relationships. That was until she came along. I knew from our first proper date that this was someone I could spend the rest of my life with, and never get bored. I fell in love with her that first time we spent a day together.

 

Our relationship moved really quickly and she felt the same way, she initiated slot of conversations about marriage, kids, grand kids, moving in together, and she even asked me to move in after a few months of being together.

 

Our break up though was complicated, I am south Asian and she is Mediterranean and basically her dad went balistic when I moved in and asked her to end it. He basically gave her an ultimatum it was either me or him and if she chose me then he would never speak to her. I never knew any of this until the last few days before we broke up, by which point she had become so distant with me that I thought she was maybe cheating on me... Its been 2 weeks now and each day is different. Somedays I convince myself that i would never get back with her because she didn't believe in us enough to try and at least convince her dad, these moments very rarely occur and as soon as they do I backtrack and my mind changes, but most days I just wish that we could be back together... I can barely sleep and have now resorted to cold meds to try and get some sleep, all food makes even thought of it makes me nauseous, I don't even know what to do any more... Some days I can get by about 10 mins without thinking of her, but others even before I open my eyes she's on my mind....

 

I have been reading LS for the last 2 weeks and have read pretty much every thing I can and yet nothing helps... Btw NC has been difficult, she has been phoning up almost every day, and I have called a couple of times...

 

I guess because I didn't have proper closure it's hard, I just don't understand how someone can suddenly just switch off all the emotions she had or still has, apparently she has been out every night since because she can stand being alone, she has even resorted to hanging out with people she doesn't like simply because she doesn't want to be alone...