The argument for marriage

[spriggig]

Not to side-step the religion thing, but we all know where that will end up...

 

I feel like I want to be married again, but I really don't want the legal contract getting in the way. Why can't marriage just be a ceremony, a promise of commitment and a party? I don't think legally married couples are necessarily any more or less committed than unmarried ones--just ask gay couples who can't legally marry.

 

I'll agree to commit 100%, just as I have in every relationship I've ever had. I'll dress in a tux and wait at the top of the aisle. I'll say "I do" and dance and sing and drink. But, I won't sign a contract.

 

Probably won't fly, huh?

[OpenBook]

I feel like I want to be married again, but I really don't want the legal contract getting in the way. Why can't marriage just be a ceremony, a promise of commitment and a party?

 

I really believe that marriage continues to serve as a way to protect women from being abandoned after they have children. Men wouldn't think twice about bailing if they weren't still legally and financially on the hook. They are naturally inclined to be independent and autonomous.

[Woggle]

I really believe that marriage continues to serve as a way to protect women from being abandoned after they have children. Men wouldn't think twice about bailing if they weren't still legally and financially on the hook. They are naturally inclined to be independent and autonomous.

 

If this is the case then why is it mainly women who are initiating 75% of divorces. Men get such a bad rap for not being commited in relationships but reality shows that is not the case.

[Woggle]

:eek:Hey, you don't like me:(? I am hurt Wogs:D

 

I don't have an issue with people of faith but I do have an issue with people who want to push their religion on others. I have an issue with people who feel that those who believe differently than they do and live differently deserve to be oppressed. I also have an issue with those who hide behind religion to justify hatred. Eating shrimp is as much a crime in the bible as being gay is but I don't hear the religious campaigning against shrimp.

[LittleTiger]

If this is the case then why is it mainly women who are initiating 75% of divorces. Men get such a bad rap for not being commited in relationships but reality shows that is not the case.

 

I've said this so many times before but I'm going to say it again - just because women initiate the divorces doesn't mean they were the ones who wanted out of the marriage!

 

EG: Some women have to file for divorce because their husband has abandoned them. They either stay married to a man they never see (and in some cases never hear from) or they file. Divorce usually costs men a lot so they don't want to file.

 

These statistics tell us absolutely nothing about whether men or women are more commited in relationships.

[aerogurl87]

Not to side-step the religion thing, but we all know where that will end up...

 

I feel like I want to be married again, but I really don't want the legal contract getting in the way. Why can't marriage just be a ceremony, a promise of commitment and a party? I don't think legally married couples are necessarily any more or less committed than unmarried ones--just ask gay couples who can't legally marry.

 

I'll agree to commit 100%, just as I have in every relationship I've ever had. I'll dress in a tux and wait at the top of the aisle. I'll say "I do" and dance and sing and drink. But, I won't sign a contract.

 

Probably won't fly, huh?

 

I hate to say this but that'd probably fly with lots of women as they'd still get their "big day" just without the actual contract. Hell, I'd probably even go for that as long as I got a proposal of some kind and ceremony to celebrate our commitment. Maybe more men should start thinking that way.

[LittleTiger]

I hate to say this but that'd probably fly with lots of women as they'd still get their "big day" just without the actual contract. Hell, I'd probably even go for that as long as I got a proposal of some kind and ceremony to celebrate our commitment. Maybe more men should start thinking that way.

 

What spriggig has described is some kind of a commitment party (like an engagement party only a bit bigger and more expensive) - great, why not if you fancy it and you have the money.

 

The point is that without a legal contract, what are you actually committing to? I'm no expert on the gay civil partnership but I'm pretty sure that it was introduced because the gay community wanted their own form of legal contract, so they could bind themselves to their partner for life, thereby showing the ultimate commitment.

 

I can understand people who live together not needing the marriage contract. You can be commited to another person without making it official in the eyes of the law and true commitment is essentially between two people and nobody else. This party without the contract is almost the exact opposite of that - you're happy to have the celebration but, by choosing not to sign a contract, you're effectively saying 'this is not forever'!

 

Actually in my opinion, the ultimate commitment is having children with someone (which includes gay couples). If you have brought a child into the world together, or commited through adoption to raising a child together, that should be more binding than any legal contract. Sadly, in our society, it doesn't seem to work that way.

[Woggle]

I think that with many women the actual relationship and marriage with the man is secondary to the big wedding day. They want their princess day and after that they couldn't care less.

[xxoo]

I think that with many women the actual relationship and marriage with the man is secondary to the big wedding day. They want their princess day and after that they couldn't care less.

 

I completely agree, but these women are usually very easy to spot.

While women are wrapped up in Princess Day fantasies (and not the actual man), the men are wrapped up in Princess fantasies (and not taking a hard look at the woman).

[Married_and_Lonely]

I despise the modern day, ridiculously expensive weddings. I work with a woman that almost wears the cost of her wedding on her chest like a badge of honor. One of them probably was close to $100k - most expensive hotel in town, custom made designer dress, hand-calligraphy announcements, rooftop with string quartet, live band in the grand ballroom, open bar for 400 guests for 4 hours at least, expensive photography, videography... it's disgusting and I can just about guarantee you the marriage won't last 10 years.

 

My wedding wasn't as expensive, but it was also ridiculous and I know that I felt alot of pressure because of it to go through with the wedding because the father-in-law told me repeatedly that he better not lose his deposits or he'd come after me (half-joking). And my wife was a pain in the ass to be around for about 9 months before the wedding because she was so stressed that something wouldn't be perfect. Magazines, TV, greed, and pride have screwed up weddings. All these brides consider it a competition and want to one-up their friends' weddings and be the best. Sorry, this is a real hot button topic for me.

Edited June 29, 2010 by Married_and_Lonely

[TaraMaiden]

I think that with many women the actual relationship and marriage with the man is secondary to the big wedding day. They want their princess day and after that they couldn't care less.

 

I think it's already been said, but for far too many people, a Wedding is the culmination of the relationship - the crowning moment - whereas in actual fact, it should be viewed as the beginning of the nitty-gritty, serious, rubber-hits-the-road moment.

 

It's like learning to drive and taking the test.

Taking the test - and passing it - doesn't mean you're a good driver.

Taking the test - and passing it - means that here-on in, the hard work begins.

The maintenance is up and running. And has to be continuous.

[georgia girl]

To get back to the original thread, I'm getting married because my best friend is the only man I ever want to see naked again, because I always want to be on his team and I always want him on mine, because he makes me laugh - and sometimes makes me angry enough to spit nails - but he always respects me. Because this friendship is so unique, so dynamic and so special to me, that I do want God to bless it. I want us to do what our parents did and our grandparents before them. What our siblings did... I want that while he was not born a part of my family, I can commit to him and have him be the closest member of my family for the rest of my life.

 

Equality. Respect. Maturity. Attraction. Communication. That's what the article says about healthy relationships. I couldn't have said it better myself. There are times we each give more, but on the whole, we are equals and give the same amount. He has my greatest respect and I am confident in his. We take care to treat each other well. Maturity - well that could mean that we're old (and we are) but I believe it means that we have seen a lot of life, seen that yes, there will always be "other opportunities" available to us, but we are instead making a conscious decision to choose each other and a life together. Attraction - it's understood. As a woman, he still makes my heart stop sometimes when he walks in the room, even though we've been together for years and most would say he's not the most physically handsome man there.

 

And finally, communication. That's perhaps what we both get out of this deal. One person you can talk to who knows your bad self, your good self and your in-between self. One person who will argue with you when you're wrong, but will still publicly support you. One person to whom you can tell anything and know that it will genuinely be alright.

 

I am marrying my best friend. A good man. A kind, gentle soul. I am choosing my life's partner and asking God to bless us always. That's why I'm getting married.

[stace79]

I am commited to her as long as she treats me well but I know that the piece of paper in reality means nothing.

 

Marriages are made of people so it makes sense that they are dying because of people.

 

I don't care about the piece of paper either. I wipe my butt with a piece of paper. What I care about in a marriage is the vow made public and before God. I think that's why it doesn't mean that much to most people anymore -- because they don't truly believe in God, and so a vow in front of Him means nothing -- just lip service, like QuanKanne said.