silktricks Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I can't say it as well as this article: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/06/11/i-do-too.html :) and I like being married to my best friend and lover.
quankanne Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I think the columnist captures it nicely when he says "marriage isn’t going anywhere. It will always be the foremost expression of love and commitment in our society." it's about that leap of faith that we want to take with the person we love. And when you think about it that way, all the trials and tribulations that hit a normal marriage cannot stack up against the sense of "oneness" that's created ... and that is simply priceless
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Let's see if he still feels that way after the divorce.
Author silktricks Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Oh, Woggle - you're happily married, now. Let this guy enjoy his marriage the same way you are enjoying yours. (Not everyone has a bad first one, you know, just most of us... )
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Oh, Woggle - you're happily married, now. Let this guy enjoy his marriage the same way you are enjoying yours. (Not everyone has a bad first one, you know, just most of us... ) I am happily married but I very much believe marriage is a dying concept that needs to be put out of it's misery. Either truly bring it back to life or put it out of it's misery. What we have today is a mockery of it. I only got married because my wife wanted to and she means a lot to me. It is a gift to her but I can take or or leave the piece of paper. This guy just sounds like one of those men that dotes on his wife while she is out betraying him on every level and then when she drops the bomb sheds all dignity trying to hold it together. I am starting to dislike these types more than the worse misandrists.
quankanne Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 woggle, if you seriously think about it, marriage is only a dying breed because people either bad-mouthe it or give lip-service. They're not committed to marriage itself, either as a fact of life or as a concept, for whatever reasons they can come up with. I'm glad to hear you care enough about someone to do her the favor of marrying her, but honey, you need to either shxt or get off the pot when it comes to your own commitment. Either you're married because you want to be there, or get the hell out and stop wasting that poor woman's time! ... and I had such hopes for you, kid ...
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I am commited to her as long as she treats me well but I know that the piece of paper in reality means nothing. Marriages are made of people so it makes sense that they are dying because of people.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 they are dying because of people's attitude ... Exactly but it doesn't make it any less dead.
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Many people get married for many varied reasons other than 'they want to'. But all those who won't get married is because they don't want to.
ADF Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Interesting essay. I would add, however, that for better or worse (no pun intended) many practical, financial benefits are stilled tied to marriage in the US. Maybe they shouldn't be, but they are. For example, in my state (Illinois), a married couple can take possession of their home under a rule called tenanacy in the entirety. In a nutshell, that means that if either married partner accrues debt, creditors are forbidden from forcing a sale of the house to satisfy that debt. The married couple may be broke, but they won't be homeless. That is a perk ONLY available to married couples. Co-habitating people, same-sex couples cannot cliam that benefit no matter how long they've been together.
califnan Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I am commited to her as long as she treats me well but I know that the piece of paper in reality means nothing. Marriages are made of people so it makes sense that they are dying because of people. -------------------- You have to be committed to the marriage as well - for better, or worse, richer, poorer ..
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 No - that's a commitment to the person, not the marriage. Marriage is just another word for Let's make a deal'. You can't commit to an inanimate institution with no intrinsic value or meaning of its own. What makes it valuable and intrinsically precious is the other person. But hey - you don't need to be married to be in love, or commit to somebody else. You can bring everything to a relationship that a marriage demands, without going through the legal rigmarole, the expense and all the scripted dialogue.
quankanne Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You can bring everything to a relationship that a marriage demands you can, but it still doesn't make it a marriage, much like me sitting in my garage 15/24 hours makes me a car, you know? Exactly but it doesn't make it any less dead. again, it all boils down to attitude: If everyone considers it a ho-hum, blah thing that isn't important, then society deems it non-important, and supporters become fewer and fewer.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Exactly but it doesn't make it any less dead. again, it all boils down to attitude: If everyone considers it a ho-hum, blah thing that isn't important, then society deems it non-important, and supporters become fewer and fewer. That is exactly what is happening.
ADF Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 they are dying because of people's attitude ... Let's not be too hard on people. A high divorce rate is the price we pay for living in a free society. Look at societies where the divorce rate is low, and you'll find they have a few things in common. For example: 1) Women have no rights. 75% of all divorce actions in the US are brought by women. Are women in, say, rural Pakistan more content in their marriages than American women? I doubt it. They just don't have as many legal rights. 2) Marriages are arranged. People in arranged marriages don't need to "love" their partners. No one cares if they're happy in their marriages or not. Each partner simply has a role to play, and he or she plays it. The marriage relationship is purely functional. 3) Divorced people--especially women and children--suffer horrible social stigma and discrimination. This was even true in the US not so long ago. A college teacher of mine in his 70s who grew up in rural Texas said there was one kid in his town whose parents were divorced. Kids were often forbidden to visit his house, because their parents viewed his mother as a fallen woman. If we're going to be free to choose our own mates, if we expect our mates to treat us well and make us happy, we're going to have to accept a high rate of marriage failure. It comes with the territory.
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Interesting article. I am getting married in 2 months, I don't need a husband, religion is nonsense, I'm not conservative, yet I'm so thrilled to be getting married! Sometimes it's difficult to vocalize exactly why.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Interesting article. I am getting married in 2 months, I don't need a husband, religion is nonsense, I'm not conservative, yet I'm so thrilled to be getting married! Sometimes it's difficult to vocalize exactly why. I hope you are as thrilled a few years down the road. I am not saying this is you but many women's commitment peaks on wedding and days and goes down from there.
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Let's not be too hard on people. A high divorce rate is the price we pay for living in a free society. Look at societies where the divorce rate is low, and you'll find they have a few things in common. For example: 1) Women have no rights. 75% of all divorce actions in the US are brought by women. Are women in, say, rural Pakistan more content in their marriages than American women? I doubt it. They just don't have as many legal rights. 2) Marriages are arranged. People in arranged marriages don't need to "love" their partners. No one cares if they're happy in their marriages or not. Each partner simply has a role to play, and he or she plays it. The marriage relationship is purely functional. 3) Divorced people--especially women and children--suffer horrible social stigma and discrimination. This was even true in the US not so long ago. A college teacher of mine in his 70s who grew up in rural Texas said there was one kid in his town whose parents were divorced. Kids were often forbidden to visit his house, because their parents viewed his mother as a fallen woman. If we're going to be free to choose our own mates, if we expect our mates to treat us well and make us happy, we're going to have to accept a high rate of marriage failure. It comes with the territory. Very true. Plus, I think that in developed countries marriage is going through a major transformation. For so long we married because we had to, we now marry strictly because we want to. While great in the romantic sense, this new "type" of marriage falls apart easier that those in the past, that were based on need.
califnan Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Interesting article. I am getting married in 2 months, I don't need a husband, religion is nonsense, I'm not conservative, yet I'm so thrilled to be getting married! Sometimes it's difficult to vocalize exactly why. ------------------- No religious (God) foundation .. see you later on the seeking advice/condolence threads..
xxoo Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I hope you are as thrilled a few years down the road. I am not saying this is you but many women's commitment peaks on wedding and days and goes down from there. That's excitement, not commitment.
ADF Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 ------------------- No religious (God) foundation .. see you later on the seeking advice/condolence threads.. Born-again Christians have higher divorce rates than atheists, and conservative states with large evangeical populations have higher rates of teen pregnancy, divorce, and child abuse than liberal states with low levels of religious participation. So much for the "God foundation."
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I hope you are as thrilled a few years down the road. I am not saying this is you but many women's commitment peaks on wedding and days and goes down from there. This is often true for women who want the wedding and the marriage more than the man. I've always wanted the man more. I have run in to that type often while planning out wedding. You know the one screaming at her fiance "OMG! How can you do this to me?! My wedding has to be perfect! I don't care if roses flown in from Ecuador cost 10 times more!!!" While no one can predict the future Woggle, I know myself, and I'm in this for the long run. My SO and I have had 4 happy, solid years and we're looking forward to many more.
allina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 ------------------- No religious (God) foundation .. see you later on the seeking advice/condolence threads.. Spoken like a true "christian." That's excitement, not commitment. Good point. Born-again Christians have higher divorce rates than atheists, and conservative states with large evangeical populations have higher rates of teen pregnancy, divorce, and child abuse than liberal states with low levels of religious participation. So much for the "God foundation." Exactly!
califnan Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Born-again Christians have higher divorce rates than atheists, and conservative states with large evangeical populations have higher rates of teen pregnancy, divorce, and child abuse than liberal states with low levels of religious participation. So much for the "God foundation." -------------------- I stand by my post of answering to a higher being: God the creator .. as foundation for marriage/life.
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