stellaluna Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 A challenge, long term? When does being comfortable with a person come into play? Or, do you always have to keep each other on your toes? Of course I want a relationship that keeps me on my toes until I am 90! I want an equal that continues to challenge me. The comfort part is called trust. Nothing better than falling in love with someone and getting to that point where you trust each other completely, but continue to challenge one another.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Compatible emotional styles. A person who is *attracted* to challenges and drama will respond positively to those environments/behaviors. A person who is *attracted* to comfort, the same. It's finding a synergy of styles which makes for a long-lived compatible relationship. I've seen synergy in both, in long, happy, fulfilling marriages. The drama/challenge ones look like Hiroshima most of the time but that's their love language. The 'comfortable' ones can appear positively comatose. Stbx's sister and her H are like that. If they were any more comfortable, they'd be dead. Don't mention that they married in their teens, have been married nearly 30 years and have two well-adjusted adult daughters and grandchildren. It's all real low-key. Are they still breathing? Yep. It works for them. No games. Where one man might see a woman 'playing games', another might see a 'challenge'. Different paths Sounds like heaven. I admire those that are in their later years, still together, still loving each other, without all the drama!!! No stress...you live longer. Well known fact.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Of course I want a relationship that keeps me on my toes until I am 90! I want an equal that continues to challenge me. The comfort part is called trust. Nothing better than falling in love with someone and getting to that point where you trust each other completely, but continue to challenge one another. Challenge how exactly?
stellaluna Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 [/b] Challenge how exactly? ? Stands her ground, cultvates her own ideas about life and sticks to them, continues to have interests outside of me that give her enjoyment, tells me when I am being an ass, admits when she is being one, forces me to take a hard look at myself when I am not thinking straight. It goes far beyond that- but I am starting to think these aren't things you understand. I am heading out for the night. Cheers everyone.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 ? Stands her ground, cultvates her own ideas about life and sticks to them, continues to have interests outside of me that give her enjoyment, tells me when I am being an ass, admits when she is being one, forces me to take a hard look at myself when I am not thinking straight. It goes far beyond that- but I am starting to think these aren't things you understand. I am heading out for the night. Cheers everyone. I understand those things perfectly, no need to patronize. What you are saying is not about playing games or being seductive. That is what this thread is about. Just thought I'd point that out because it looks like you lost what was being discussed?
carhill Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Sounds like heaven. I admire those that are in their later years, still together, still loving each other, without all the drama!!! No stress...you live longer. Well known fact. Yep, but the real irony is that they're younger than me. The got married when she was 15 and he 17 IIRC and the reason they got married was born with a serious birth defect (she's OK as an adult). Man, that's just like winning the lottery, running into compatibility like that and growing up together and making it. Good on them
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Yep, but the real irony is that they're younger than me. The got married when she was 15 and he 17 IIRC and the reason they got married was born with a serious birth defect (she's OK as an adult). Man, that's just like winning the lottery, running into compatibility like that and growing up together and making it. Good on them It is indeed. Am noticing, more than ever, how many older couples there really are. Holding hands, smiling and really enjoying each other's company. They have been with each other a million years! I will never get to experience that.
carhill Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Yeah, I never really paid much attention until two things....seeing a lot of older folks in my mom's dementia facility (spouses caring for their demented partner) and remembering back to when my mom took care of dad when he was dying. The love and affection was plainly present in their relatively 'old' bodies and minds. Here's the key for the younger folks.... inside, you don't get old. It's just what you see in the mirror that changes, along with some aches and pains. This is why compatibility is so important, as the elemental parts of us remain relatively static throughout our lives. It's only from living that we come to really understand that. Don't fret. If I got married tomorrow (I say that as a non-game playing male who *does* believe in marriage), I could easily have 30-40 good years with a woman if we both remained healthy. A million? Less likely
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