why women play games

[hopesndreams]

There's a fine line being restraint and playing a game, I don't see why people need to take things slowly? You only live once and who knows you could be dead this time tomorrow.

 

If two people like each other, tear up the rule book, stop the game playing and just get-to-together and discuss options later.

 

I like that.

[hopesndreams]

It depends on what you deem to be game playing. Is showing restraint initially considered game playing? In the beginning stages, I don't text or contact a person daily, and I don't like it when they do- I am content with sporadic contact initially until I get to knwo them better.

 

I was in one of my stores today and one of the younger girls has met a guy. She's 21, he's 30. He made first contact, then she actually asked him out. They had a good date last night, then she text him first thing this morning to ask him if he wanted to hang out tonight again. He told her he was busy, and she immediately asked what day he is free. I told her to slow down, let him do the asking or she's going to come off too eager!

 

I don't see showing restraint as playing a game, I see it as a part of the seduction process.

 

What is the difference between playing games and being seductive?

[phineas]

If I say to a woman, I like you, let's go out sometime? She agrees, we exchange phone numbers, I ring her and she ignores my call(s) or texts, I will delete her number and move on as I have done presently with a girl, I made a post about it a few days ago. Though this is the first time I have taken rejection well, usually I would be angry, for some reason I am not.

 

This girl clearly lacks a spinal cord and she doesn't deserve anything from me, she had my respect and friendship if she was honest and truthful, maybe she is playing a waiting game? Maybe she is to busy? Either way I just don't care. I have moved on and it is her loss.

 

I experienced something similar met a woman through friends.

I kinda knew her when I was still with my wife.

Never hit on her.

When I separated she found out & asked me out.

We hung out once & got to know each other.

We made plans, she fell off the face of the earth.

 

I call her up & she tells me she is dating someone.

OK.

 

I tell her it's cool & that i'm interested if it doesn't work out.

 

A few months later she asks me out.

Then cancels last minute.

 

I call her later that week & she doesn't return my call.

 

I have wrote her off.

 

2 months later I run into her while out & she's all "hey stranger, what's up? how ya doing?"

 

I tell her i'm doing great & just keep on walking past.

Just not worth my time & energy.

[hopesndreams]

In very cold terms, yes.

 

Let's put this into context for a moment. Take a guy who asks his lady to marry him. Before he actually asked her, he went through a tortuous process wondering if she's the right one, whether it's the right moment to ask her, whether she's ready, etc.

 

In my view, successful personal relationships involve two people who gradually learn to know each other. You show a bit more and learn a bit more every day. There's timing for everything.

 

I've dated women who had been abused and confided in having anger management issues because of that. They obviously didn't tell me on the first date, and I wouldn't have expected them to. When you have anger management issues for example, you work on it, you don't need to advertise it.

 

Lots of people fall in love too fast. They scare off their partner and end up alone and hurt. That's a problem you work on, not one that you tell others in anticipation.

 

Being able to control your emotions IS important. For some of us, it comes more naturally than others. Is it playing a game? Perhaps, but then again I think there's a game every time people interact.

 

Scaring people off wouldn't be in the equation if one is upfront from the beginning, right? No one will get hurt that way. Isn't it better to know what the person is really like before you start having fantasies about that person? No one can live up to a fantasy someone has built up. When they realize they aren't who they say they are or they are not who you perceive them to be, game over, right?

 

Falling in love takes time and it would take a helluva lot more time if you had to muddle through someone else's spiel that makes themselves "look good".

[hopesndreams]

I experienced something similar met a woman through friends.

I kinda knew her when I was still with my wife.

Never hit on her.

When I separated she found out & asked me out.

We hung out once & got to know each other.

We made plans, she fell off the face of the earth.

 

I call her up & she tells me she is dating someone.

OK.

 

I tell her it's cool & that i'm interested if it doesn't work out.

 

A few months later she asks me out.

Then cancels last minute.

 

I call her later that week & she doesn't return my call.

 

I have wrote her off.

 

2 months later I run into her while out & she's all "hey stranger, what's up? how ya doing?"

 

I tell her i'm doing great & just keep on walking past.

Just not worth my time & energy.

 

Surprised you didn't write her off sooner.

[D-Lish]

What is the difference between playing games and being seductive?

 

The restraint part.

 

When I like someone, I enjoy taking my time getting to know them. For me, that means not seeing them everyday, not needing contact everyday, etc. But that's me, and how I like to get to know someone. I like to take things slow.

 

I don't purposely wait 3 days before returning a text or call, but I don't sit by the phone waiting for someone to call, and I don't cancel plans in order to meet up with a guy I am seeing.

[Bangle]

I experienced something similar met a woman through friends.

I kinda knew her when I was still with my wife.

Never hit on her.

When I separated she found out & asked me out.

We hung out once & got to know each other.

We made plans, she fell off the face of the earth.

 

I call her up & she tells me she is dating someone.

OK.

 

I tell her it's cool & that i'm interested if it doesn't work out.

 

A few months later she asks me out.

Then cancels last minute.

 

I call her later that week & she doesn't return my call.

 

I have wrote her off.

 

2 months later I run into her while out & she's all "hey stranger, what's up? how ya doing?"

 

I tell her i'm doing great & just keep on walking past.

Just not worth my time & energy.

 

Women like this deserve to die alone.

[carhill]

When I separated she found out & asked me out.

We hung out once & got to know each other.

We made plans, she fell off the face of the earth.

 

I call her up & she tells me she is dating someone.

OK.

 

LOL, I like the 'well we're hanging out but I'm not quite sure about him' and I'm thinking, 'well, he's parking his 747 in your hangar so you're kinda sure about something anyway'

 

Hoovers...

[hopesndreams]

The restraint part.

 

When I like someone, I enjoy taking my time getting to know them. For me, that means not seeing them everyday, not needing contact everyday, etc. But that's me, and how I like to get to know someone. I like to take things slow.

 

I don't purposely wait 3 days before returning a text or call, but I don't sit by the phone waiting for someone to call, and I don't cancel plans in order to meet up with a guy I am seeing.

 

Who has time????

 

As for taking things slow, isn't there such a thing as tooooooooooo slow?

 

How is that being seductive?

 

Why wouldn't you cancel plans if someone you are interested in shows an interest in you?

[D-Lish]

Who has time????

 

As for taking things slow, isn't there such a thing as tooooooooooo slow?

 

How is that being seductive?

 

Why wouldn't you cancel plans if someone you are interested in shows an interest in you?

 

You don't think there is such a thing as being too eager?

 

Take the young girl I talked about in my first post. A guy showed interest, she asked him out, she arranged the date, they went out last night and had a good date. The girl had plans to go for drinks with her co-worker after her shift tonight- the co-worker had even switched a shift so they could hang out. The young girl text the guy she went out with last night to go out again tonight without any regard for her friend that had made special arrangements to accomodate her. So, she was 100% willing to cancel with her friend because she was eager to see the guy she went out with last night. That's too eager, and it's totally being a horrible friend!!

 

There is no such thing as going too slow if that is how you want to date.

[phineas]

Surprised you didn't write her off sooner.

 

I was separated for almost a yr & lonely.

 

I used to have low BS tolerance syndrome. It went into remission.

She brought it out of remission. LOL!

[hopesndreams]

Difference with me is I wouldn't/couldn't cancel a date with another guy to be with some other guy. Ick. I guess that's the way the world is today.

 

Eager is a turnoff, that I agree with. When a guy is totally smitten after 1 date, it does give me the heebie geebies.

[hopesndreams]

I was separated for almost a yr & lonely.

 

I used to have low BS tolerance syndrome. It went into remission.

She brought it out of remission. LOL!

 

Lol Phin. I hear ya.

[kdark]

You don't think there is such a thing as being too eager?

 

Take the young girl I talked about in my first post. A guy showed interest, she asked him out, she arranged the date, they went out last night and had a good date. The girl had plans to go for drinks with her co-worker after her shift tonight- the co-worker had even switched a shift so they could hang out. The young girl text the guy she went out with last night to go out again tonight without any regard for her friend that had made special arrangements to accomodate her. So, she was 100% willing to cancel with her friend because she was eager to see the guy she went out with last night. That's too eager, and it's totally being a horrible friend!!

 

There is no such thing as going too slow if that is how you want to date.

 

That's not too eager, that's just being a horrible friend to me...

[phineas]

Women like this deserve to die alone.

 

They usually do because eventually the looks fade & there isn't enough personality or character to keep a real man interested for long.

[stellaluna]

That's not too eager, that's just being a horrible friend to me...

 

It's both. Nothing is a bigger turn off to me than a chick that doesn't have a life. If I showed interest in a girl and she asked me out the first time, fine. If she texted me the very next day after the date to go out the very next night, I'd be very turned off. That's too much. I want to do some of the asking!

 

The girl that was willing to cancel a night out with a friend is a bad friend for sure- but she's being to over the top eager. Even if she's super hot- she'll turn off a guy that is into her if she doesn't hold back a little and be more of a challenge. If a chick did that to me I'd know I could bang her if I wanted to (short term)- but she'd take being relationship material off the table by appearing too desperate.

 

I want a bit of a challenge in a woman I date. I don't want her to play games, but I want to pursue some. If a woman I meet doesn't challenge me at first, I know she'll never be long term.

[hopesndreams]

They usually do because eventually the looks fade & there isn't enough personality or character to keep a real man interested for long.

 

Oh, good grief. This is what I'm struggling with. I don't want to make myself look like a complete arse, but my looks have faded, am 45, and have no idea how to make a man interested in my intellect, etc. Yes, I was a knockout in my younger years, but, I'm not someone to be put out to pasture just yet. There is no way in h*ll for me to compete with those younger and men in my age group want the younger flesh. What's an older woman to do???? I just don't dig the older guys.

 

Should I learn some game play?

[hopesndreams]

It's both. Nothing is a bigger turn off to me than a chick that doesn't have a life. If I showed interest in a girl and she asked me out the first time, fine. If she texted me the very next day after the date to go out the very next night, I'd be very turned off. That's too much. I want to do some of the asking!

 

The girl that was willing to cancel a night out with a friend is a bad friend for sure- but she's being to over the top eager. Even if she's super hot- she'll turn off a guy that is into her if she doesn't hold back a little and be more of a challenge. If a chick did that to me I'd know I could bang her if I wanted to (short term)- but she'd take being relationship material off the table by appearing too desperate.

 

I want a bit of a challenge in a woman I date. I don't want her to play games, but I want to pursue some. If a woman I meet doesn't challenge me at first, I know she'll never be long term.

 

So, you want her to lie?

[stellaluna]

So, you want her to lie?

 

About being desperate???

[hopesndreams]

About being desperate???

 

Haha..are you all that?

[phineas]

Oh, good grief. This is what I'm struggling with. I don't want to make myself look like a complete arse, but my looks have faded, am 45, and have no idea how to make a man interested in my intellect, etc. Yes, I was a knockout in my younger years, but, I'm not someone to be put out to pasture just yet. There is no way in h*ll for me to compete with those younger and men in my age group want the younger flesh. What's an older woman to do???? I just don't dig the older guys.

 

Should I learn some game play?

 

i'm the wrong person to ask.

My STBXW has been out of my house for a yr & 2 mos.

I knida like not answering to anyone.

 

I went golfing last week with friends & I was the only guy who didn't have a woman blowing up his cell phone wanting to know when he was coming home.

 

guess what?

I don't miss that.

 

I do miss sex however at 38 i'll do without if it means I can't golf in fricken peace with my friends.

 

essentially I'm willing to go single until I find a woman that won't drive me crazy with neediness & giving me crap for golfing once a week.

Like my STBXW did.

 

Not going back there.

[hopesndreams]

i'm the wrong person to ask.

My STBXW has been out of my house for a yr & 2 mos.

I knida like not answering to anyone.

 

I went golfing last week with friends & I was the only guy who didn't have a woman blowing up his cell phone wanting to know when he was coming home.

 

guess what?

I don't miss that.

 

I do miss sex however at 38 i'll do without if it means I can't golf in fricken peace with my friends.

 

essentially I'm willing to go single until I find a woman that won't drive me crazy with neediness & giving me crap for golfing once a week.

Like my STBXW did.

 

Not going back there.

 

Absolutely.

[stellaluna]

Haha..are you all that?

 

I'm just a guy.

I just don't find it attractive if a woman throws out all of her cards on the table after ONE date. What's wrong with wanting a bit of a challenge?

 

A woman that can challenge me from the beginning is a woman that I can see myself being challenged by throughout my life with her, and that's attractive, that's a girl with long term potential.

 

If I go out with a girl, have a nice time, and she's texting me the next morning to go out again the very next night without even giving me a chance to ASK HER out again- big turn off. SHe's too needy.

[hopesndreams]

A challenge, long term?

 

When does being comfortable with a person come into play? Or, do you always have to keep each other on your toes?

[carhill]

Compatible emotional styles. A person who is *attracted* to challenges and drama will respond positively to those environments/behaviors. A person who is *attracted* to comfort, the same. It's finding a synergy of styles which makes for a long-lived compatible relationship. I've seen synergy in both, in long, happy, fulfilling marriages. The drama/challenge ones look like Hiroshima most of the time but that's their love language. The 'comfortable' ones can appear positively comatose. Stbx's sister and her H are like that. If they were any more comfortable, they'd be dead. Don't mention that they married in their teens, have been married nearly 30 years and have two well-adjusted adult daughters and grandchildren. It's all real low-key. Are they still breathing? Yep. It works for them. No games.

 

Where one man might see a woman 'playing games', another might see a 'challenge'. Different paths

Edited June 26, 2010 by carhill