carhill Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 How long do you have to "date" these people before finding out what they are really like? Hmm, ten years of marriage and a divorce.....ah, that's who you really are. Thanks Everyone is different; some people mask better than others. As far as games, women in this subset (the gameplayers) play them because they *can*. Lack of solitude to reflect upon their perspective causes them to repeat what has 'worked' for them in the past. The boys keep coming back so they keep playing games.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Games create drama and some women do not feel alive without it.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Hmm, ten years of marriage and a divorce.....ah, that's who you really are. Thanks Everyone is different; some people mask better than others. As far as games, women in this subset (the gameplayers) play them because they *can*. Lack of solitude to reflect upon their perspective causes them to repeat what has 'worked' for them in the past. The boys keep coming back so they keep playing games. You and me both carhill. 10 years for me as well. Agreed, until their looks fade and then they have to figure something else out, lol.
Bangle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 .The boys keep coming back so they keep playing games. Well this man doesn't. A girl does that with me, I cut them off completely.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Well this man doesn't. A girl does that with me, I cut them off completely. Do you really? It is part of the "game" after all.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 My definition of game playing, is accepting to go on a date with someone and not answering his/her calls, or texts. My definition of game playing is lying about your intentions. Personally, I would call that soft rejection. Some of us want closure, other are more comfortable with soft rejection. I call the latter group the "avoidant" group. Sometimes people change their mind and want to spare both parties the embarrassment of a weird conversation. Not always a bad idea. The first time a girl who was seemingly really into me vanished just like that, it got me confused for weeks. But in the end, she wasn't dishonest. She was just uncomfortable and didn't know how to tell me she wasn't that into me. ...following along with ridiculous rules like no contact for three days etc. Stupidity... Let's face it, when we have a crush on someone, we all feel like telling them they're the greatest of all and that we'd spend the rest of our lives with them. In reality, building a relationship is like building trust with a cat. If we try too hard, the cat will run away. From the other perspective, we all want to feel desired and loved for who we truly are and for that we don't want to give it away too easily. That's why some people have seemingly stupid rules for counting the days and stuff. I think they know they aren't good at controlling themselves so they set rules. Dishonest? No... Phony? Probably. Some people go for dinner in their jogging tracks while others put on a suit and tie. We all have different social etiquettes and it's important to distinguish misunderstanding versus dishonesty. I've met a few dishonest people in my life too but they are far from forming a significant group (maybe 2%). Every time I was "played" by a woman, I eventually understood the reasons why it happened and in every case I was the one who had set up the stage for it. I always cringe when I see comments about how guys are sex starved players and half of women are dishonest players etc. In reality it takes two to tango, and I think the person being played is always at least half responsible for the misfortune.
Bangle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Do you really? It is part of the "game" after all. If a woman messes me around, I walk, no game, I just don't want to waste my time.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 If a woman messes me around, I walk, no game, I just don't want to waste my time. Me too. First sign of games and drama and she is out of here.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Sometimes you gotta "waste" a little bit of time to find out what they are really like.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 The thing that gets me is the person trying very hard, and noticeably, that they are not the person you will be getting if you continue to date and get to know who they really are. There is so much shallowness. Everything is all for show! It's like a magic trick. How long do you have to "date" these people before finding out what they are really like? I've had the same experience a few times and while shallowness quickly comes to mind, in reality I think they put up a front because they really want to be who they think you want to be with, and sooner or later they realize they can't put up with that persona any longer.
Bangle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Sometimes you gotta "waste" a little bit of time to find out what they are really like. If I say to a woman, I like you, let's go out sometime? She agrees, we exchange phone numbers, I ring her and she ignores my call(s) or texts, I will delete her number and move on as I have done presently with a girl, I made a post about it a few days ago. Though this is the first time I have taken rejection well, usually I would be angry, for some reason I am not. This girl clearly lacks a spinal cord and she doesn't deserve anything from me, she had my respect and friendship if she was honest and truthful, maybe she is playing a waiting game? Maybe she is to busy? Either way I just don't care. I have moved on and it is her loss.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Insightful. This is why one shouldn't put on any "fronts" when being with someone for the first time. It's all just wasted time.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 If I say to a woman, I like you, let's go out sometime? She agrees, we exchange phone numbers, I ring her and she ignores my call(s) or texts, I will delete her number and move on as I have done presently with a girl, I made a post about it a few days ago. Though this is the first time I have taken rejection well, usually I would be angry, for some reason I am not. This girl clearly lacks a spinal cord and she doesn't deserve anything from me, she had my respect and friendship if she was honest and truthful, maybe she is playing a waiting game? Maybe she is to busy? Either way I just don't care. I have moved on and it is her loss. I completely agree and would do the same and have done.
O'Malley Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 One can play games, play by the rules and be honest. One can also play games in a selfish way and break unwritten rules. Playing games is not the problem. It's how you play it and how considerate you are toward others. I agree that elements of game playing (strategy, fronts, whatever you wish to call it) come into play in the vast majority of social interactions, in order to preserve civility. It has to, lest people are found hasty, rude, or selfish. Most people, despite pronouncements of 'total honesty' are not completely honest with either their boss or prospective dates. There's a far cry from someone who doesn't immediately tell an initial date that they are hoping to eventually marry them and have children (which would make many people uncomfortable) to someone who deliberately manipulates or lies by omission. There's a difference in someone who wants to call early on but doesn't, in order not to appear clingy, than someone who deliberately withholds contact in order to keep someone on their toes.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I think balance is the key. Don't hide too much stuff but don't be too obvious either. For example, don't lie about your job but don't tell her right away that you only have one testicle either. That sort of thing.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Knowing about not having 2 testicles wouldn't be a put off. Should it be?
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Knowing about not having 2 testicles wouldn't be a put off. Should it be? I wasn't judging or anything... Just an example of information that's tricky to pass along without actually knowing the other person.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You didn't mean it literally then? What better way to get to know someone than just laying it on the line? What they choose to do with this information is telling.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You didn't mean it literally then? What better way to get to know someone than just laying it on the line? What they choose to do with this information is telling. No, I didn't mean it literally (or seriously). I think we all have a dark side, and that in most relationships we end up seeing our partner's dark side. Sometimes the relationship is strong enough to get past that point, sometimes it isn't. In some cases, brutal honesty works fine. In other cases, managing the way it's communicated is equally important.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So, in other words, don't let them know the real you until they have fallen for you? Is that the key? Not being flippant, just wanting to know what can get a guy interested enough so when he knows the real truth, he is already "into" me and it won't bother him, he can overlook it.
Bangle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So, in other words, don't let them know the real you until they have fallen for you? Is that the key? Not being flippant, just wanting to know what can get a guy interested enough so when he knows the real truth, he is already "into" me and it won't bother him, he can overlook it. This sounds like poo.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So, in other words, don't let them know the real you until they have fallen for you? Is that the key? Not being flippant, just wanting to know what can get a guy interested enough so when he knows the real truth, he is already "into" me and it won't bother him, he can overlook it. In very cold terms, yes. Let's put this into context for a moment. Take a guy who asks his lady to marry him. Before he actually asked her, he went through a tortuous process wondering if she's the right one, whether it's the right moment to ask her, whether she's ready, etc. In my view, successful personal relationships involve two people who gradually learn to know each other. You show a bit more and learn a bit more every day. There's timing for everything. I've dated women who had been abused and confided in having anger management issues because of that. They obviously didn't tell me on the first date, and I wouldn't have expected them to. When you have anger management issues for example, you work on it, you don't need to advertise it. Lots of people fall in love too fast. They scare off their partner and end up alone and hurt. That's a problem you work on, not one that you tell others in anticipation. Being able to control your emotions IS important. For some of us, it comes more naturally than others. Is it playing a game? Perhaps, but then again I think there's a game every time people interact.
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 It depends on what you deem to be game playing. Is showing restraint initially considered game playing? In the beginning stages, I don't text or contact a person daily, and I don't like it when they do- I am content with sporadic contact initially until I get to knwo them better. I was in one of my stores today and one of the younger girls has met a guy. She's 21, he's 30. He made first contact, then she actually asked him out. They had a good date last night, then she text him first thing this morning to ask him if he wanted to hang out tonight again. He told her he was busy, and she immediately asked what day he is free. I told her to slow down, let him do the asking or she's going to come off too eager! I don't see showing restraint as playing a game, I see it as a part of the seduction process.
Bangle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 There's a fine line being restraint and playing a game, I don't see why people need to take things slowly? You only live once and who knows you could be dead this time tomorrow. If two people like each other, tear up the rule book, stop the game playing and just get-to-together and discuss options later.
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