In Need Of Some Guidance

[PMAW]

I met my husband around my 18 birthday, he was in the military stationed in California and I was living with my military sisters family trying to start out new. We started dating and everything was going great but after 4.5 months he was getting ready to deploy and I was gonna move back to my home state SD. After talking about our chances of staying together once I moved back home we decided to get married, we loved each other and didn't want to lose one another so at that time it seemed like the right thing to do.

Because of our marriage my husband was transferred to a differant unit because they didn't want him to deploy before we got settled in together so his deployment was moved back 5 months. The beginning of our marriage was a little hard, he was so busy playing on his computer and stuff but we knew that the transition was going to be hard so we tried to resolve our issues as best we could. 2 months into our marriage I got pregnant and he deployed 3 months later, everything seemed to be going great till he came back. When my son was a couple months old my husband stopped talking to me completely and wanted nothing to do with our son, he was very secretive with his phone and the computer so one night I checked his phone and found out that for a month he had been talking to his ex, I left for the night but with no where to go with a baby I returned and he promised to stop talking to her, 2 weeks later he was still talking to here, for hours a day. He ended up ending that and we were starting to work things out. When my son was 3.5 months old I got pregnant again, everything seemed to be going well and my husband deployed and came back home to a 13 month old and a 1 month old, things started out great and since then (my baby is now 7 months) we have stopped connecting. He wasn't interested in me anymore and I thought it was maybe because I was so busy with our sons that I didn't notice. Last sunday I was on his computer and found a lot of porn, he looked up enough within a days worth of history to last most men 10 months, and it was happening daily. We faught about this because I don't allow this in my house, I then decided to look at the rest of his history and found that he was also looking at personals on craigs list. I finally convinced him to come clean about everything and he said that was all he has done so I got all the names and passwords to every online account he has, email and porn sites, I deleted his porn accounts and when i got to his email I noticed there was an account I was not familiar with. When I logged in and was looking through it I found out that for 3 of the months we were dating he was cheating on me with an ex, then I found that he was talking to the ex that I had found out about 3 weeks into our marriage telling her he missed her and that even a year before I found out about it they were having phone conversations behind my back and I also found that when we had an arguement a year ago the first thing he did was became a member of an online dating service. Between the porn, exes, craigslist, dating services and him seperating himself from us I feel completely lost on what to do. He tells me he loves me and he can't live without me and the boys and that he never meant to hurt me and has repeatedly begged for my forgiveness but I can not bring myself to believe him. After seeing that he hasn't been commited to me completely even once since the day we met has made me feel like he married me out of convinience rather than love. I am 21 yrs old, I have a 20 month old and a 7 month old, my closest family is 18hrs away so i can't just leave for a little while to think. And when I asked his did for help he said that Sean was raised in a house like this so he doesn't realize what he is doing is wronge and I hate that he can stick up for him and I refuse to believe that he doesn't understand right from wronge. I don't know if I should seperate, work it out, or file for divorce or maybe I am just thinking to far into all of this. Any help, similar stories, or words of wisdom that you think would help I would greatly appreciate, thank you. And please no lectures or ill comments. Thank you, Melissa